Exhaustion

I really feel like a robot now when it comes to work. I had worked every weekend in January and it’s happening here in February. Yesterday or shall I say today was the worst. I worked until 4AM. Had a break around 11PM to give my eyes some rest and to lay down briefly before I went back at it again. I had attempted to wake up at 8AM only to drift back to sleep but then got woken up by a phone call from my dad. Finally got out of bed around 9AM to finish the remaining work that I had left before my 1PM meeting to present my work. Luckily I got it done in time and received great feedback.

I had started feeling nauseous earlier yesterday. Felt a bit car sick when I left the café to head home, which rarely happens. I thought to myself that it was best to reschedule one of my meetings that required me to be in the office to the next day. My colleague was very understanding, which was a relief. The thought of having to sit in my car commuting an hour and some odd minutes along with the nausea was no bueno. When I was wrapping up my work today before my meeting, I felt so nauseous just even being on my laptop staring at the screeen cranking away. The harder and faster I was attempting to get things done, I just felt more sick and exhausted.

After my successful meeting, I immediately turned off my laptop and laid down. I felt so out of it to even leave the house to get some fresh air and it was super nice out today, too. My mind and body felt so confused if I should either be awake or sleeping. I haven’t stayed up that late in years to do work, if ever. Last time I had to stay up late to burn the midnight oil was back in college and I thought those days were over. I thought wrong. I definitely need to rest this upcoming weekend since I wasted the long weekend by overworking myself. I need more rest, exercise and definitely more “me” time. My parents are becoming concerned as to how much I’ve been working. When they speak to me I can barely hold a conversation because I’m practically like a zombie.

I had booked a trip very suddenly a couple weeks ago because I had felt so overworked. I remember feeling so overwhelmed that day and booking this trip had been on my mind. It was definitely one of those “fuck it” moments. The moment I made the purchase I had thought, “Fuck. Am I even going to get to enjoy this mini getaway?”. I had mini regrets on making the purchase since I definitely splurged a lot more for a nice hotel, but whatever. How often do I stay in a nice hotel yet alone go anywhere? Thinking back to it, I don’t regret it and am very much looking forward to it!

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Can’t Catch A Break

I’ve been working every single day this past month. It’s safe to say that I’m pretty burnt out and very much sleep deprived. But with all the hard work that I’ve devoted to this project where I am the lead designer, I’m very proud of myself with its progress and the feedback I’ve received after today’s presentation. I’m currently working on the mobile design of the project and been trying to figure out some of the kinks. I look like a crazy person just doodling up so many paper prototypes because I needed to give my eyes a break from looking at my computer. As that midnight oil was burning last night cranking away at this project to have enough to present today, I had to force myself to go to bed.

Yet as I got into bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then it came to me that my colleague had shown me this app to view my mockup on my phone. After I downloaded it and connected my document to my phone, I was really happy with the design. As corny as it may sound I was so proud of the design that happy tears were ready to burst. To hold my phone and viewing my design on there felt so gratifying. There was just something about literally having that design in the palm of your hands make it feel so real. Corny, I know I know. Anyways, I was definitely able to fall asleep happily after viewing my prototype. I felt more confident about presenting the designs and I received more great feedback from the stakeholders and my team after today’s meetings. It made me feel relieved since I’ve been busting my ass all month long.

I’ll be flying to Chicago tomorrow to visit my close friend C and as a little belated birthday trip for myself. I was dreading the thought of having to do any work while I’m traveling since I’ve been working a lot this month. However, I am still going to pack my laptop with me just in case, but at least I know that I’m feeling a lot more relieved with today’s successful presentation. I’ve been in need of a break, time to myself to just not think about much and do whatever. Definitely looking forward to seeing C since I’ve failed to visit her ever since we both moved out of Boston and she’s visited me twice since I’ve been in Cali. I’m excited to catch up, chill, have girl time and eat bomb food. Although I am dreading about packing when I get home from work. Blahhh! I feel like I’ve kinda sorta forgotten how to dress for legit cold weather after living in Cali. I had to reschedule yesterday’s acupuncture appointment to tomorrow instead since I had so much to get done. Looking forward to acupuncture and massage before my flight tomorrow!

Can’t wait to get to Chicago. 🙂

Getting It Together

Besides my recent depressing posts, I’ll update with a much more uplifting post haha. Work has been great. I am definitely in a great place right now. I love my job even more than I did already. My company is awesome. It’s definitely my ideal work environment. I love the culture of the company and how well they appreciate their employees. Lots of great perks here at this company and I work with such an amazing team of people. I’ve gotten closer with 2 of my coworkers that I started with so it’s nice to have girls that are close to my age to hang out with and to talk about anything. We recently discovered that there’s a gym at my company so we go to the gym together after work, which is great and motivating for each other. Later today we’re going to yoga since they apparently offer yoga classes at my company twice a week. Might as well take advantage of it all while I can! Also, they service breakfast at work which is really convenient. They have a yogurt bar where you can add fresh fruit and other toppings to it. It’s really good. I wish I could just live at my company since they practically have everything I need haha. :p

Last week my boss gave us an optional task of creating a t-shirt design for our upcoming event in LA. The goal was to great a t-shirt celebrating our company’s anniversary. You can design the t-shirt however you want as long as it represents how old the company is which is 25 years old. It can’t be too feminine, but it should be a bit more masculine yet also likable enough for it to be unisex. The t-shirts will be printed on American Apparel t-shirts and will be sold at our event, which exciting. The winner will get a $100 or $200 Amazon gift card which is awesome. I’m still not sure how much but better than nothing! Yesterday my team voted on the designs that my other boss, my coworker and myself did. I had 3 designs to show and was kinda nervous to see if my design was as up to par as theirs. I was up against a senior designer and an entry level designer, but you never know what design styles they have or how good they are at any level. I thought here’s my chance to really show how strong of a designer I am so I had to take advantage of it. The team didn’t know who’s designs were who. It was interesting to see who was voting for which design and their reaction and comments about the designs. So far it looks like I kicked everyone’s ass unanimously lol. That definitely boosted my confidence as a designer and I was really happy. Plus, I never win anything so something like that gets me so happy haha. I’m still awaiting on the final decision, but it’d be really cool if I won. 🙂

Here’s my t-shirt designs. It’s not the final designs since they still need to be cleaned up and tweaked before final submissions if one of them is selected. The second design was the favorited one:

Besides updates about work and working out, I just feel a lot happier. Of course I’ll have my days where I feel a little down, but I can’t be all jolly everyday haha. When I video chat with my friends from home, they see me happy again, which is a relief to them. I do catch myself being sad sometimes, but I really try my best not to dwell on it so much. I’m still really hurt, but I’m too busy to focus on that. I’m doing great things with my life right now and I can’t stop for look back at the past. I work in a very happy and positive environment which has definitely lifted my mood. I’ve met some interesting people recently and we’ll see how it goes. I just feel like I’m slowly yet finally getting it together. It’s a great feeling and I haven’t felt like this in awhile. I’d like to make more time to go to SF on the weekends since work practically drains me. I’ve been looking up concerts to go to. My travel plans might be put on hold, but that’s okay. That’s still up in the air. For now I enjoy spending my weekends reading at a cafe, going to temple and working out. The Pescatarian thing has been going well. There has been a couple of moments where I had chicken, but no biggie. I’ve been eating a lot of sashimi for dinner recently. Need to chill out with that because I’m definitely not a baller haha, but it’s sooo good!

I’m okay again. 🙂

All Work, No Play

I’ve whined enough about work in my recent posts. After many sleepless nights and mid-day meltdowns, I just stopped doing my work. I pretty much just said “FUCK THIS!” lol. This past week I’ve slacked off big time. I am disappointed in myself for being this way and I’ve never ever been like this when it comes to work. But I grew so sick of this shit. So I started job searching again this past week. I was more motivated to leave my current position and look for another opportunity, even if it’s short term. Within the past week, things turned around quickly. Great news is I got hired for a short term freelance position. I pretty much got hired right on the spot prior to my interview. The woman that interviewed me really enjoyed my work and gave me many compliments. I felt a lot of confidence again as a designer since my current employer has been quite discouraging. I got to meet the current designer that is leaving and he’s a cool guy. We exchanged business cards and I got to meet a couple of my prospective coworkers. Pretty much a total sausage fest at my new job lol. I’m looking forward to being in an office environment and just to be able to interact with my coworkers ..that isn’t through Skype, phone calls or e-mails. I’m really excited.

So am I gonna quit my current job before I start the new one? Nope. As much as I dislike my company and my boss, I am gonna bite my tongue a bit longer and just continue working. It’ll be a great opportunity to indulge myself in work. It’s what I wanted. I haven’t done much during my own personal time ever since I started working. Literally, I sleep, eat, breathe work non stop. I pretty much wake up and go to bed with my laptop next to me. It’s been refreshing to step away from doing any work on my laptop. I think I really needed that break. Will my new job conflict with the old? I hope not, but I will work around it. Pretty much gonna be doing work when I come home from work. That’s the plan. I’m confident in this decision and I am determined I will get projects completed for both jobs. It will be overwhelming but I’m doing whatever it’s gonna take to get myself back to the top again.

I find these opportunities in my career as a great way to stay busy. Since my social life has pretty much disintegrated since my move here, I just want to bury myself in work. I want to forget about the bad people and bad experiences I’ve come across since I’ve been here. I’m tired of my efforts with everything and everyone. I just want to forget about everything and everyone. I want to subside all of the loneliness I’ve been feeling. I want to work hard and rebuild the life I had back in Boston. That was my main goal for my move and I’m sticking to it. It’s just strictly business from here on out. The only socializing I’ll do is if I attend a networking event, and that’s that. I need to change and adapt. I’ve been surrounded by lazy and unambitious people here and I’d honestly rather be working like a mad woman than to let their laziness rub off onto me. It’s just very unattractive quality to me. Not to say I’m better than them in any way, but I’d also rather not associate myself with people that lack any motivation in life to better themselves whether it’s their career or personal growth. I am intrigued by very dedicated and passionate people. Unfortunately the people I’ve met here aren’t impressed by people like that. I’m just thankful that my parents and friends back at home are supportive and happy for me. It’s all I need.

After my successful interview, I had to head to San Francisco for a quick meeting. Driving into the city felt like home to me. I wasn’t around for too long, but I felt comforted by the atmosphere of the city. Therefore it’s another goal for me to possibly move closer to the city at a point. Well lets see if I’ll even want to stay in Cali for a long time. I know for sure that I have no intentions of staying here in SJ forever.

Anyways, I commend all work and no play! Embracing workaholic mode and just really not giving a fuck about anyone or anything anymore.