I’ve been dealing with a lot of changes and I’m having a bit of a hard time absorbing a lot of it. My reaction to it all probably isn’t the best but I do feel so bombarded. I feel like every week there’s something. I get it…change is constant. I can’t control that. However I need to get a better grip of my emotions. I’ve noticed the past 2 nights I haven’t slept so well because my mind is just thinking about literally everything.
There’s so many transitions happening at work and it’s a lot for me. I know my team who are all in Colorado is supportive, but I need that physical presence if that makes any sense. I’ve been dealt with a lot of challenges at this job and I was up for that challenge. Yet suddenly I feel so defeated. Last week I had to meet with this director to basically explain the difference between user experience and user interface. I ever so wanted to just bang my head against the table because it’s honestly not complicated. I even dumbed it down to the simplest explanation ever and I still don’t think he understood me. As he continued speaking to me in the most condescending way ever, he questioned if this was my first job. Sometimes I get comments for how young I look (yay, good Asian genes?) but I have almost 10 years experience in my line of work. It’s hard being a woman working in tech with a large population of men in Silicon Valley. You have to deal with pricks like this director. I got so spoiled at my last job and of course my old team, but I really need to stop comparing the two because they’re both different experiences.
Moving onto my health, I got the call from my doctor yesterday with my results. I am extremely thankful and relieved that I am fine. It was hands down the scariest thing that I’ve ever dealt with. It was beyond an eye opener for me. My parents and close friends were relieved to hear the good news as well. I don’t think anyone can truly understand what hell I’ve been through with that major health scare and that’s okay. It’s just extremely terrifying because you really feel like things are coming to a sudden end for you. I can only continue hoping that my health gets better. I’ve been putting so much hard work into it all and just want to keep things moving in the right direction.
As much as I bitch and complain in my posts, I really am trying my best to embrace these changes the best way that I can. It’s hard, it takes time, and these are major adjustments for me. I’m just taking baby steps and that’s fine with me.