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Destiny’s Child – Temptation

“I know you see me watchin’ you
And I see you watchin’ me
‘Cuz boy your body’s callin’
Temptation is killin’ me…”

“I’m thinkin’ to myself should I even take a chance
Should I do what’s on my mind or should I stay down with my man?
This boy got me fienin’ and I’m wantin’ him so bad
Should I chill one night with him and risk everything I have?
Sayin’…”

“Temptations is callin’ 
I be wantin’ you so bad I could cry 
Relationships callin’ me 
To do what’s wrong but I gotta do right…

_________________________________________________________

I don’t think these bittersweet thoughts will ever go away.

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Note: This post was from February 24, 2013. I was browsing through my old Xanga posts and just wanted to repost this on here. I might do that with a couple of posts I have on Xanga. Just a quick disclaimer. Anyways, read on…

 

That’s just how it feels…stuck behind a glass wall. You can see it but can’t feel it. Even when you do touch that glass so gently it’s as close as you can get to actually touching that person. It’s that barrier that is keeping you from whatever it is. No matter how hard you try to break through that glass, you just can’t. Unfortunately, that glass wall will always be there. Perhaps it’s better off that wall is there to keep you from something so untouchable that just seeing is all you’ll ever be able to do. You continue to let your imagination wander with all the seeing you’ve done and it doesn’t pull you away from the matter at all. Seeing is believing. You believe that one day that glass wall will shatter. You close your eyes, take a deep breath and take in all the emotions because it’ll be as close as you can get. It’s as if you can feel their warmth. Temptations grow and it makes things even more irresistible. Playing with fire never felt so good no matter how hard you try to resist it all. For once all the wrongs just feels so right…

Lets just face it …there will never be a happy medium. Ever.

Beyoncé & André 3000 – Back To Black (The Great Gatsby OST)

I, I, I left no time to regret
Kept my dick wet with that same old bet
Oooh you
You and your head high and your tears dry
Get on without your guy and I, I, I went back to a new
So far removed from all that we went through
And you and you you, you tread a troubled track
Your odds are always stacked, you’ll go back to black

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
I go back to her and you go back to, (you go back to)

I, I loved you much, it’s not enough
I love blow and you love puff
And life, is like a pipe
And I’m a tiny penny rollin’ up the walls inside

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her and I go back to
We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to, I go back to black

It crosses my mind a lot of how much I enjoyed playing with that fire. Getting burned didn’t matter at all. A part of me can’t forget nor let go of that moment. It felt so right and of course I saw so many things wrong with that scenario, but I didn’t give a fuck. It wasn’t like I was oblivious about any of it. I knew what I was getting myself into. I don’t know what it was, but there was definitely something that’s for sure. I would’ve never thought I’d ever deal with this, but shit happens. I felt no guilt for my behavior or any remorse. I really tossed my morals and values out the window for him. None of that mattered to me besides getting to know more about him. I have to say it was truly a moment in my life where I really didn’t give a fuck, but it’s one of the most fucked up things I’ve ever done. I was selfish and I loved how it all felt. Am I proud of it? Of course not. If the moment arises again, would I put myself back in that situation? Yes and no. When it comes down to it all, the taste of the temptations was so addicting that I’d still go back because no matter what I tell myself to snap myself out of it, I just don’t give a fuck. There was much more than just temptations and seduction. Granted it was never anything physical, but the conversations was bad enough. It was a bond that I’ve never shared with anyone before. It’s one of those rare connections you have with someone that you can’t shake off and forget about. Til this day I still wonder what if we had met during the right place and time. Things would be different and we wouldn’t be behind this glass wall, or at least I wouldn’t be.

At the end of the day, we went our own ways and I front as if nothing ever happened. “You go back to her and I go back to, I go back to black…”