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Today marks one year since I’ve moved to Cali. Crazy how a year has flown by already. Honestly, everyday I feel like I’ve only been here for a couple of months. It’s definitely still an adjustment for me. I miss home every single day. The first six months here was rough. I cried a lot and felt so out of place. The loneliness and silence that you deal with gets to you quite often. This whole experience for me was to take myself out of my comfort zone and to experience what it’d be like to live somewhere where you don’t know anyone. It has been an interesting experience.

More importantly I moved for the sake of my career. I’m in a really great place with my career right now. Recently started a new job and I’m learning more in order for me to grow as a better designer. I’ve definitely become a much more confident designer. It was a struggle finding work out here when i first arrived. Throughout my time here I’ve definitely worked my way up. I worked for shitty people to amazing, big companies. I am very grateful to have those opportunities to have worked for those companies. I’ve never felt such strong motivation for my career before until now. There’s more clarity as to where I see myself in the future as a designer. It’s a very rewarding feeling.

As for how long I plan to stay in Cali, I’m unsure. A year has gone by but that’s still nothing to me. As much as I miss home constantly, I’m in a very happy place with my career. My social life has gotten a tiny bit better, but my friends from home are always still in contact with me which makes me feel better. I’m still trying to develop a core group of friends, but honestly the people here suck. I’ve done a lot of reaching out and I’m just kinda over it. People here are flakey and never come through, which is horrible for me to expect that. Glad I have friends at home that aren’t like that. I’m glad to have at least one great girl friend around (lisalaughs) because “Man Jose” can be a bit much. Plus, every girl always needs to have that down time with their girlfriends! It’s essential.

I’m very thankful again to have such sweet friends who has been with me throughout this experience. I won’t forget about seeing C in September in San Francisco. At that time I wasn’t here in Cali for that long but it was great to hang out with a girl friend. I got to spend Christmas with P (another friend from home who lives semi close by) and catching up and making our silly, gigantic s’mores haha. Then January another close girl friend came to visit me for my birthday. I cried so much because I was so happy for them to have come so far just for my birthday. It was a very sweet gesture. I got to see C again in June which is always a great time. Good food, drinks and company was what I needed during that time when I became unemployed. Having that girl time was very comforting. I’m looking forward to seeing M and her hubby at the end of this month. Can’t wait!!

I’ve looked at plane tickets to travel home but still unsure. Hopefully in November but we shall see. We’re already into half of the year being over and I got to figure out travel plans for home soon. I was all about not visiting home so soon because I felt like I didn’t earn that right to. I’m a very prideful person. I’d be embarrassed to visit home with nothing to show. It was easy to pack my things and leave, but definitely hard to go home. At this point, it’s safe to say I’ve earned that plane ticket home. I’ve been through enough one year without seeing my family and friends. I left my heart back in Boston and I miss how my city made me feel.

Glad to know I survived this one, long, tough year by myself. It still blows my mind that I got into my car and drove across this country. Never gonna do that again haha. Onto year two.

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Finally arrived in Cali and been almost a week since I’ve been here. It was quite a drive but I’m relieved to have made it here. I have to say driving through Wyoming or closer to Cali in general passing through the mountains was a scary experience for me haha.

Our stops were:

– Buffalo, NY

– Chicago, IL (stayed two days)

– Kearney, NE

– Salt Lake City, UT

– CALIFORNIA!! ❤

I don’t know if you’re reading this, but thanks again for your help. I really do appreciate it.

Anyways, I’m slowly unpacking my things and settling in. Got to meet up with a couple friends from here, which was great. I’m just having a hard time adjusting without my family and friends from back at home here. People keep asking me if I’m excited to be here in Cali. Honestly, I am but I wish I could share this part of my life with the ones I love and care about deeply. To enjoy all this “happiness” on your own is very sad and lonely.

I spoke with my dad during my first full day here and he called to check up on me. During our conversation he told me how he’s been having trouble sleeping because I’m not there. My mom noticed he wasn’t in bed and found him in the computer room sitting here crying because he misses me a lot. When he told me that, my heart just broke. I started crying because I was the reason for him being sad. I really do hate making anyone feel upset or angry. I know it’s expected for the both of us to feel the way we do and it’s a part of growing up.

I’m just having a hard time adjusting and I know it’s gonna take some time. I’ve told my friends back at home that I feel like it’s the first day of school and I’m the new kid no one wants to play with LOL. But in all seriousness, I am looking forward to all the changes in my life. It’s what I’ve wanted and I’ve got it.

I really did leave my heart back in Boston.

 

Last night my dad and I were talking. Our usual late nights where we tell each other stupid jokes, but there’s never been a serious conversation. Being his only daughter and the youngest, he got really upset. He was really upset about me moving. I saw the tears build up in his eyes and it just killed me to see him like that. I’ve only seen him cry twice and that was during my great grandmother (his grandma) and my grandfather’s (his dad) funeral, which happened back when I was a lot younger. Anyways, there’s just a huge amount of guilt that really weighs heavy on me. He feels like no one is there to take care of him like how he took care of me and that our family has gone it’s separate ways. He was right, but hey it was bound to happen. I tried to comfort him and to reassure him everything is okay. I explained to him my reasons to move and to not take it personal. No matter what I said he just sat there with tears running down his face. Man, that really hit me so hard. I was already crying when it came to my own friends, and I had dreaded this moment with my parents especially with my dad. I knew it was gonna happen. I don’t want to disappoint him for when I do get settled into my new home. I have a lot to prove for when I do get out there not just for myself, but for my parents especially my dad. Our conversation ended on a much more happier ending, whereas I returned to my room and let out the tears I held back. I felt horrible last night. It was even harder to fall asleep knowing how he felt. A part of me is feeling so torn and beating myself up about this.

Like I said already, I have a lot to prove for when I get there.

I’ve been busy dealing with my whole relocation process. Let me tell you, it is the most stressful thing I’ve ever dealt with especially if you’re coming from one coast to the other side. Been making arrangements for my move, packing, and etc. I just hope this move goes smoothly but I’m probably jinxing myself already lol. It’s been very overwhelming and my remaining time here has been very restricting. I’m trying to spend as much time with my parents and close friends before I leave. There’s just so many things I want to get done before I go. I at least want to try to make a final trip to New York and see my close friends there before I go. I’m excited yet mostly sad to leave. I’ve met some great people in my future new home, but my friendship with those people can’t compare whatsoever to the ones I have here. I have such supportive and great friends that they’re already planning a going away party for me. Seriously, what am I gonna do without them? I already get a tiny bit teary eyed to hear them tell me how proud they are of me and say such sweet things to me. I feel very homesick already and I’m not even gone yet haha. It has been a long time coming and I’m glad I am finally able to move. Not gonna lie, but I am scared shitless for what’s to come once I do get settled in. I’m gonna be in a new environment all by myself and it’s freaking me out, but I’m ready for this change. It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time. There’s constantly so many things running through my mind that it’s making it very difficult for me to get any sleep if any. Usually running on 2-3 hours of sleep which is horrible. Perhaps another run will make me feel better…