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I have to admit that being back on the unemployed club is definitely not fun. Whoever said it was? I’ve been trying my best to stay positive and to treat job searching as a full time job itself. Even though this unemployment is still quite fresh, I’m gradually panicking and worrying. I’m really trying to keep my cool and to relax. Everything will be okay. Due to a recent incident back at home, it’s kinda thrown me off track of this path of optimism. Seriously, can’t catch a break especially in the new year. It’s definitely gotten harder for me to sleep again. I’m literally in bed at 10PM and rolling around bed until 2 or 3AM and waking up at 7AM. I’m just very restless.

When I can’t sleep I spend my time job searching away or reworking my resume or website. I don’t waste any time at all. All gadgets (MacBook Pro, iPad mini, iPhone…can you tell I’m an Apple fan girl? haha) and notebook is all on deck if I need to hop onto any of those platforms to search for something or to quickly write something down. I got a lot of up and coming projects to work on. It’s quite a work load on my plate but I need to do it to better myself for my own sake as a designer. As excited as I am about these projects, I can’t tackle on too much at the same time or else I won’t get shit done. Tonight I had a great idea for a design website to develop, but I think it’s best I try to get a good night’s rest before I jump into anything. I was borderline close to purchasing a domain. It’s been an idea that I wasn’t sure how to go further with it, but tonight it just came to me. Once again, I need to let these ideas marinate in my mind for a bit and to start my day fresh tomorrow so I can organize my ideas and thoughts thoroughly. I guess I’m just excited to get some projects started. Here’s my “free” time that I need to take advantage of while it lasts. You know you love your career if you catch yourself thinking about it while off the clock. This is what I’m passionate about and what I’m willing to do to get myself to where I need to be. With the issues back at home, it’s raised my level of determination and drive for not only myself, but for my family as well.

Anyways, I really do think too much at night whether it’s about my career or something else, but at least my mind is wandering towards a positive path. Hopefully I can fall asleep soon!!

Good night.

Things are finally starting to look up. I finally feel like I see light at the end of the tunnel. Today I signed a contract to my new job. Finally I’m no longer a bum with no income! Haha … When I had applied to the position I just kinda winged it like I did with a few other applications. The company I’m working for is based in LA and it’s an off site position, which is great. First of all because I would never, ever, ever, EVER move to LA. People there suck even more and it’s never sparked an interest for me EVER. Secondly, I’m saving more money on gas since I don’t have to drive to work as well as lunch money. Only downside to this job is that I’m not in an office environment where I can socialize with my coworkers. Well only a little bit which is through Skype and phone calls, but still that’s not the same as physical interactions. So I’ll still be at home or at a cafe in front of my laptop per usual.
For whatever reason, I’m not so gung ho about this position. I should be extremely excited, but I’m not. I think it’s probably the lack of organization and poor communication that’s turning me off from this position. Oh well. My first day is tomorrow and I’m looking forward to the type of projects I’ll be working on. Honestly, I’m really nervous and I feel like my skills and knowledge are a bit rusty and aren’t as up to par. Being unemployed for practically a year screws with the confidence you once had. I’m trying to be a bit more enthusiastic about it all. Maybe once the work flow gets going I’ll feel better about things.
 
My close friend was saying to me that for me going to temple everyday and praying has definitely helped. I definitely agree with her. It’s lifted my spirits and I see myself at least smiling again. I do pray everyday for for my family, friends, PC and myself. It makes me happy to know that things are gradually getting better for the ones I love and care for. Although things aren’t 100% great (yet, haha), I’ve truly been blessed.
 
Today was a good day. Back onto the daily grind tomorrow! 🙂

Total nerd status. Don’t judge me!! Like my wallpaper? Lol. This is how I usually spend my day: transferring files from my old Macbook Pro to new MBP or working on new projects

One of the many things I try to do to keep myself occupied is to attend any kind of design event, whether it’s a speaking engagement or a networking event. Anything to get the juices flowing, ya know? Two weeks ago I attended a GFDA event at UC Berkeley. I was pretty pumped to go since they were coming to Berkeley and San Francisco. I opted for the Berkeley location because it was free and wanted to check out that area since I’ve never been. I’ve always wanted to attend their lectures and luckily they were doing a U.S tour.

I came across their website about 3 years ago while just Google-ing “design inspiration” or something along those lines. I thought what they had was hilarious, yet pretty helpful. It’s funny that they’ve now implemented a “family friendly” version on their website lol. Sometimes we all need a good kick in the ass and the advice they had posted on there was helpful. They’ve developed a lot of advice over a period of time as their company grew. The advice can apply to everyone besides designers. I think what they’ve created was very inspiring and motivating.

They made 3 very important focal points at the end of the lecture, which was:

– Risk everything.

– Expect nothing.

– Prepare for anything.

I felt like I touched all those points. I took the risk in moving to California, with no job lined up. Pretty much said fuck it, packed my things, and left. I had no expectations for what was to happen for when I arrived. Now, I’m prepared to adapt to a lot of changes (skill wise that is) in my career. Not everyone necessarily has to do what I did, but sometimes you just gotta man up and make some bold moves in life. Not only did I leave the event with some small nifty goodies (GFDA friendship bracelet that says “GOOD FUCKING FRIENDS”, postcard, and a GFDA sticker which they ran out of 😦 ), but it definitely reassured myself as a designer and as a person in what goals I have in life. It was comforting to be surrounded by designers that were on the same boat as me and that can relate to my struggles in this field.

I have a lot of work on my plate and it’s time to get shit moving…fast. I’m in this process of rebranding everything about myself as a designer. It’s gonna be a total bitch to get a lot of this work started and to keep the flow going, but I’m excited.

Check out their website: http://www.goodfuckingdesignadvice.com/

I’m at such a fork in the road in my life right now. The job search continues to be a struggle as the job market is quite sluggish at the moment. I lay in bed every night with so many scattered thoughts in my mind. It’s a very uneasy feeling for me and my body has gotten used to this tense feeling, mentally and physically, that it’s gotten harder for me to destress and relax. It’s taken a larger toll on my health, which elevates the stress even more. I’m constantly trying to figure things out. Trying to strategize and devise a new plan as for what step to take next. I’m overwhelmed, scared, and disappointed. I know I have to be patient and keep things moving forward, but at the same time I’m considering my other options here in the west coast.

People have asked me on a number of occasions if I’ve given myself a deadline due to my current situation. The answer has been no. Although I have thought that a 6 month deadline for myself seems appropriate. I’ve come to a realization maybe I’ve made a wrong move. Maybe I’m in the wrong area. I’ve thought it over and as much as I don’t want to, I’ve considered moving again. Back to the east coast? No. I’m considering a few places that will remained unnamed for now, but we’ll see. I can’t rush into any conclusions. There’s already so many things running through my mind. I need to think things through and be cautious of my next move.

The love and support I get from family and friends from back at home on a daily basis has been very endearing. Yet from a distance it can only provide a certain amount of comfort momentarily. I see myself slowly shutting down on people. I’m tired of reassuring those back in the east coast or even my one friend here that I’m okay. Truth is I’m really not. I see that I’m losing a piece of myself everyday and I’m trying to hold onto it all before I lose myself entirely. I need to relax and tell myself to be patient. I’m much more irritable now and the positivity is gradually going down the drain. I’m very hard on myself and it’s just how I am. I go to bed every night feeling like a big disappointment to not only myself, but to my parents and friends back at home.

I hate having to discuss with anyone of how my job search is going. It puts me in a horrible mood and to be unemployed for almost a year has really mind fucked me so bad. I’ve been doing whatever I can to discipline myself again and really get shit cranking. I attend design events where I can network with other designers in the area as well as to gain some motivation and inspiration. I’m sad because I feel like a tiny bit of me is losing the passion I once had. I know it’s still there but not as strongly as before. I’m doing my best to stay driven and determined. That’s my worst fear …to lose that passion. I can’t allow that to happen.

Like I’ve mentioned to friends and others before, I feel like I am one of the very few people that can say that they truly and genuinely love their job. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love every project that I’ve had an opportunity to work on, big or small. I take pride in my work and it’s the most rewarding “pay check” to me. An actual pay check or any kind of salary is just a bonus to me. That’s the mentality I’ve always had when it came to design. I don’t question my career at all. I know this is what I want to do and I’m just here fighting for what I want. I’ve gone through struggles in my career at the beginning and I’m reliving it all over again due to the fact that I had relocated.

I need to come to terms that change is what I wanted, so change is what I got. This is a part of the whole relocation process. I’ve sacrificed a lot and given up everything back at home to be here. Not many people will understand that feeling. I try my best to see this experience as a fresh start in my personal life and for my career. I’m a stubborn woman and I need to accept this change. As you can tell, change isn’t something so easy for myself to accept.

Anyways, enough of the ranting. I had to get it off of my chest. Time to haul ass and grind out new projects. I will succeed and go visit the east coast when I’ve accomplished my goal. For now, travels to the east coast or anywhere in general will be held off. Can’t reward myself if I haven’t achieved anything…yet.