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I know my recent posts has been depressing and blah, but here’s one that isn’t. I’ve been very unhappy and now I’m just so numb from the bad news. I’m so exhausted from feeling sad and angry. I just want a break. Over the weekend I had planned on staying in, relax, maybe run some errands. I assumed that having time to myself would’ve made me feel better. Probably not. I woke up on Saturday morning to a text from PW, a friend of mines from Boston that lives in Cali. We haven’t hung out in a long time and I can’t even recall the last time we hung out. It was probably almost 2 years ago. Anyways, he hit me up and asked what I was up to. He told me he was heading down to Big Sur to take pictures with his new camera and asked if I wanted to join. I was literally still rolling around in bed until he told me I had 15 minutes to get ready since he was already on the road and close by. I legit brushed my teeth, threw on whatever, grabbed my DSLR and threw whatever in my bag.

As much as I wasn’t in the mood to really socialize, the thought of driving down to Big Sur and taking photos sounded very relaxing. It was my second time in Big Sur, but I haven’t had the chance to go to Pfeiffer Beach so I figured why not. During the car ride we did some catching up. He was apologetic for not hanging out with me and I was as well. As he shared a bit of his sadness with me, I dropped my news on him. I just kept staring out the window when I told him what has happened with me and I got really quiet to resist from crying. He grabbed my hand to reassure me that everything will be okay. I wanted to cry from him comforting me, but I held back. In that moment we were two friends, catching up and bonding over our own sadness. We were going to make this mini road trip an awesome day and to put our sadness aside.

We made our first stop at Bixby Bridge and took some photos…except he failed and drove over the bridge lol. He decided to hike down this little trail and I was honestly scared he was going to fall down into the Pacific Ocean. Since I’m an absolute wimp, I just took so photos and was taking in the scenery while I was waiting for him to come back up. Our next stop was Pfeiffer Beach, but too bad the parking lot was full so we went to check out Pfeiffer Falls. We spent a lot of time there taking photos and since PW had recently gotten the Fujifilm X100T, he was messing around with that. After taking photos of the scenery, we spent a LONG time taking selfies with his new camera lol. It was embarrassing yet entertaining. I’m pretty sure there’s more pics of us together than the scenery haha.

As sunset was approaching, we decided to go back to Pfeiffer Beach. At this point a lot of people left so there was plenty of parking. I have to say driving down to where Pfeiffer Beach is was pretty scary. You drive down this really steep road and then 2 miles of a really narrow road. So glad I wasn’t the one driving. When we finally parked and made way walking towards the beach, I got really excited. It was absolutely beautiful. While taking many photos of this gorgeous place, I felt so calm. I took a break and sat down on the sand, holding my camera and was just taking everything in. I felt this sense of reassurance as if everything will be okay.

During the drive home, I thanked PW many times and how much this all meant to me. Since we didn’t get to eat much throughout the day, I treated him to dinner. We were going through our photos and he shared with me the photo that this stranger at Pfeiffer Falls helped take for us. It was a really nice picture and we started joking around about it by coming up with hashtags haha. It was pretty funny and I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile. It was one of those laughs where your stomach starts hurting and you get teary eyed. It was refreshing. After going through PW’s camera at dinner, I was convinced I should buy it…which I ended up doing when I got home. I had looked into getting it before but was hesitant. He told me the great deal he got it for and it was still on sale, so I kinda bit the bullet. What an expensive friend to have…

The next day I thought I was going to stay in because I was extremely tired…only to wake up to PW’s text message telling me to wake up lol. He kept saying how nice the day was and asked me to go to SF to go take pictures again. I eventually caved in and told him I need another hour of sleep and I needed to charge my camera’s battery. I picked him up and we grabbed a quick bite in Chinatown in Oakland. Afterwards, we went to the Exploratorium since he is a member. It was my first time there and wish we had more time to check things out. When the museum closed we just lingered around the Embarcadero, did some people watching, took some more pics. We waited for the sun to set so we can take pictures of the Bay Bridge.

Overall, I’m glad PW managed to get me out of the house during this difficult time. I’m also glad he helped me rekindle my interest in photography again. I’m glad he’s my photographer buddy and I’m looking forward to shooting more. I’m pretty excited about my new camera, too!

 

I’ve been working every single day this past month. It’s safe to say that I’m pretty burnt out and very much sleep deprived. But with all the hard work that I’ve devoted to this project where I am the lead designer, I’m very proud of myself with its progress and the feedback I’ve received after today’s presentation. I’m currently working on the mobile design of the project and been trying to figure out some of the kinks. I look like a crazy person just doodling up so many paper prototypes because I needed to give my eyes a break from looking at my computer. As that midnight oil was burning last night cranking away at this project to have enough to present today, I had to force myself to go to bed.

Yet as I got into bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then it came to me that my colleague had shown me this app to view my mockup on my phone. After I downloaded it and connected my document to my phone, I was really happy with the design. As corny as it may sound I was so proud of the design that happy tears were ready to burst. To hold my phone and viewing my design on there felt so gratifying. There was just something about literally having that design in the palm of your hands make it feel so real. Corny, I know I know. Anyways, I was definitely able to fall asleep happily after viewing my prototype. I felt more confident about presenting the designs and I received more great feedback from the stakeholders and my team after today’s meetings. It made me feel relieved since I’ve been busting my ass all month long.

I’ll be flying to Chicago tomorrow to visit my close friend C and as a little belated birthday trip for myself. I was dreading the thought of having to do any work while I’m traveling since I’ve been working a lot this month. However, I am still going to pack my laptop with me just in case, but at least I know that I’m feeling a lot more relieved with today’s successful presentation. I’ve been in need of a break, time to myself to just not think about much and do whatever. Definitely looking forward to seeing C since I’ve failed to visit her ever since we both moved out of Boston and she’s visited me twice since I’ve been in Cali. I’m excited to catch up, chill, have girl time and eat bomb food. Although I am dreading about packing when I get home from work. Blahhh! I feel like I’ve kinda sorta forgotten how to dress for legit cold weather after living in Cali. I had to reschedule yesterday’s acupuncture appointment to tomorrow instead since I had so much to get done. Looking forward to acupuncture and massage before my flight tomorrow!

Can’t wait to get to Chicago. 🙂

I’m currently back in the east coast visiting my parents. This was an unexpected and quick trip for me. I didn’t really inform any of my friends since I planned on devoting a lot of my time to my parents. The last time I had came back to visit I was drifting in all different directions to make time for friends and of course for my parents. But I just really wanted to give them all of my time and attention when I came back. However I did have to crash at a close friend’s place since I felt like I was on the never ending plane ride. I had two long layovers, bounced from 3 planes and the last thing that I wanted to do was to get on an hour long bus ride from the airport to my parents.

It was nice to have a break to linger around Boston by myself for a bit before my friend got home for me to rest. First thing I realized was how much I do NOT miss the humidity. I’d much rather come back when it’s the fall or winter. I’ve gotten too use to that dry heat in the west coast. I headed straight to Chinatown once I got out of the airport. I took a little stroll and was just kind of taking everything in. I found it hard to believe I was here in the old stomping grounds. I was reminiscing a lot and felt very overwhelmed with emotions. This trip was definitely much needed and I was glad I came back. I gradually made way to my favorite childhood hole in the wall joint: Wai Wai!! Haha. If you don’t know about Wai Wai then you’re missing out. It’s hands down the most BOMB rice plate I’ve had since I was little. My dad used to get me a rice plate to go and we’d go to the barber shop next door so he can get his cut and chill with his friends. Anyways, I immediately knew what to get. I got the chicken with scallion ginger sauce, which is what they’re mostly known for and I also got roasted duck and roasted pork. I must’ve been really hungry because I inhaled all of that food so quickly. The same lady that has run the place for years is usually known to be a little mean and standoffish, but towards the end of my meal and after I paid she actually smiled at me and said thank you lol. I was taken back by that.

After my meal I decided to check out Cafe Nero since it was just down the street in Downtown Boston. I needed fresh air, coffee and I had to check my work e-mail since I did tell my boss that I was going to be working remotely. I ordered a vanilla latte and found a seat outside. I was really hoping to be a bit incognito during my visit to Boston, but that didn’t last long. I ran into a familiar face and did some quick catching up. So much for not having anyone know that I was back in town. Boston is really too small for its own good haha. I had to end the conversation with my friend since my close friend told me she was home from work. I was ready to just drop off my luggage and lay down. Plus, the vanilla latte was shitty so I was ready to leave Cafe Nero ASAP! I was so happy to enjoy the air conditioning on the train. I felt so gross from flying and the damn humidity. During the train ride to my friend’s place, I felt so relaxed. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on public transportation since living in Cali has made me heavily dependent on my car. That’s just the major downside of living in Cali.

When I arrived to my friend’s, I had freshened up and we went to the Museum of Fine Arts. Prior to my trip home I wanted to see what exhibits were currently up at the MFA. I was extremely excited to see the Hokusai exhibit at the MFA and included that as a part of my agenda. My friend lives close by so it wasn’t like it was out of my way especially staying at her place. I’ll have to write another post on that exhibit since I took lots of photos, but if you’re in the Boston area I highly suggest it. It was such a beautiful exhibit. After all of that museum fun, I finally got to lay down and relax before another friend would meet up with us for dinner. I had requested that we eat hot pot for dinner, but I was bummed out that we didn’t get to go to where I wanted to, which was okay. They had taken me to this relatively new hot pot restaurant called Asiana Sushi Shabu. They basically serve all you can eat hot pot and sushi. I passed on the sushi since I do prefer the sushi in Cali better than Boston. This place just reminded me of an upgraded version of Hot Pot Buffet in Chinatown. It was alright, but I definitely left feeling stuffed. It was really nice to see my friends before I went off to my parents the next day.

The next morning I was Cape Cod bound and damn I was extremely tired. It was not fun being squished in the train during the morning rush hour, but I oddly once again I do miss public transportation and those little things that comes along with it. As soon as I reached my destination, my dad had picked me up from the bus station. The old man was just too excited to see me, but I am daddy’s little girl after all haha. Prior to my bus ride I had made a stop to Chinatown to pick up from buns for my parents and their employees. Figured they’d want something to go with their morning coffee. My dad and I made a pit stop to their business, where I was not only able to drop off the baked goods, but I got to see my mom as well. I gave her a big hug when I saw her. I felt really safe again to have my mom’s arms around me and it was nice. Throughout my trip here it wasn’t that exciting. I mainly worked remotely, spent time with my parents and stayed home since I was carless. When I got to my parents house I was welcomed by a big pot of tong yuen, which is basically this Chinese dough ball soup. My mom throws in some mushrooms, Chinese sausage, daikon, cilantro and her homemade shrimp balls. I definitely miss mom’s home cooking!! I enjoyed sitting down at the dinner table with my parents. Since my parents live in Cape Cod and there’s an abundance of seafood in the community, my mom cooked up some freshly caught local clams and lobster. It was fricken AMAZING!!! After dinner I’d either join my mom or dad in our little one on one hangout. One night I was laying in bed with my mom watching these video blogs on Youtube. She enjoys watching the SacconeJolys as much as I do and that has now become our thing. Another night I was helping my dad in the garage with a new shelf he built. The next night I watched him do his nightly routine of playing the erhu while he listens to Chinese opera. These little moments meant a lot to me and it was very comforting.

Ever since last night while I was watching my dad play his erhu I got really sad. I knew my time would go by so fast as if I was never here. I’ve just been in this funk all day because this is the last time I’ll be in this household where it’s just myself and my parents. I also have lunch plans with friends tomorrow before I go to the airport and I know I’m going to be a cry baby. I was hesitant on following through with the lunch plans with my friends because I’m horrible at saying goodbye. I know the moment I see them up until the moment we hug and part ways, the waterworks is going to kick into overdrive. Whenever my parents or friends hug me, I get so sad because I feel like they’re all protecting and comforting me. I’m very lonely in Cali and to come back to Boston to an abundance of open arms and good people in my life is hard to leave. I know the last time when I had left and got onto the bus to head to the airport, I legit cried from the moment I got onto the bus and all the way back to Cali. That’s how upset I was. I can sense it happening already. I would prefer not to see anyone on the morning I leave to the airport just to make leaving a lot easier on me. This is how I’ll always be and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just love this city so much along with all of my family and friends here. I know the moment I get back to Cali I’ll be really homesick and in a funk. I’ve already braced myself for this. Hopefully one day I’ll overcome this and get better at saying goodbye. For now I don’t mind being the big cry baby amongst my group of friends. They’re all too good to me and I wish I can take them all with me.

Last weekend I had a weekend getaway down in SoCal, specifically Orange County. My close girlfriend C had extended the invite since she was visiting our mutual friend L in Garden Grove. I was a bit hesitant on going since I was really busy with work and it was semi bad timing to go anywhere. But then again I was pretty stressed out and tired that I kinda just said “fuck it” and booked my flight the same night C asked me. I was pretty excited to see friends from home again, but work was just constantly on my mind. Before my trip my work computer had some minor issues, which was probably a sign that I needed to get away from my computer. I really tried my hardest to relax and to not think about my projects since this was my first time actually getting out of the Bay Area. I really needed to enjoy this time with my friends.

Since my friends are total foodies like myself, all we did was just chill and eat. First stop was Brodard for lunch. I was pretty excited to try their infamous spring rolls and I must say it lived up to the hype. It was the most bomb spring rolls I’ve ever had. I still crave for it ever since I’ve returned from my trip. I also ordered Hieu Tieu Thai, which is like a seafood noodle soup. It’s one of my favorites that I haven’t had in so long. So bomb too! After our yummy yet very fulfilling lunch, L took C and I to RVCA’s warehouse sale. I’m not too familiar with the brand, but I suppose it’s a SoCal thing. Got myself some new bathing suits, cropped tank tops and a beanie. Definitely got my money’s worth. I’m generally not much of a shopper, but it was about time that I treated myself to some new additions to my closet. Afterwards, we went to Newport Beach. It was really nice and even more perfect to go on a Friday afternoon where everyone is still at work or school. We explored the area a bit and I took some photos with my DSLR. We took a $1 ferry ride to Balboa Island, which didn’t have much. The homes there were beautiful though. Our next stop was to get some poki at this place that L’s coworker had suggested. We got the salmon poki and it was sooo good. Such a good snack after walking around. Later that night we went to Anaheim Packaging District to try PopBar. It was so good! I ordered the green tea Kit Kat. If I wasn’t such an old lady and can handle dairy more I would’ve gotten another one since my friends got a “Ferrero Rocher” PopBar. APD kind of reminded me of San Pedro Square Market in downtown San Jose, but A LOT bigger and better haha. It was a cute place.

The next day we had a girls day and ventured off to downtown LA for brunch at Perch. It was nice getting dressed up and being girly again. We all wore black dresses, which was unintentional. Too bad the weather in LA that day sucked. It was oddly cloudy and rainy. After brunch we made a quick trip to Bottega Louie for some macarons. I wish I got more of the Earl Gray macarons. Highly suggest that! Next stop was Griffith Observatory. The rain was starting to really come down as we had hopes of it passing by. Nope! We walked out in the rain in our dresses towards the observatory. Took a few photos outside. Such a bummer it was crap weather, but that’s okay. It was nice to finally check it out. Then it was back to Garden Grove to relax before dinner. Went to Wild Crab which is a crawfish joint. Pretty much had a mini Boston reunion since another mutual friend J who now lives in San Diego drove up to join us for dinner. Our last night was a good time of eating good food, playing Taboo and overall being surrounded by good people. I really needed that. I was reminded of my lifestyle back in Boston with my friends. I missed having group dinners and just being goofy with my friends. I was a bit bummed out to return to SJ. I was returning back to a place where I lack a social life and was in constant work mode. As soon as I got back, my stress level kicked back into overdrive. It’s a really overwhelming feeling for me. I wish it was easier to do more trips with friends again. Ever since I’ve been back a bit of homesickness has kinda kicked in. All it has to take is a couple days with close friends for me to feel this way. In a few weeks one of my close guy friends will be visiting. I can already imagine how much of a great time we’ll have yet I can already feel how sad I’ll be.

Anyways, I enjoyed the fun while it lasted. I’m glad I got to explore a bit of SoCal with close friends. 🙂

San Jose Municipal Rose Garden

The past couple weeks has been very stressful and emotional for me. With all the things that were happening, it was nice to finally have some company. Last Monday I had decided to work from home. I wasn’t ready to put myself back into the office and I’m glad I chose to work from home instead. One of my old colleagues who recently moved and was once my neighbor had contacted me to grab lunch. It was nice to get away from my computer and out of the house to never ending orders of beer and sake on a Monday afternoon. Both her and I needed it. It was nice to vent to someone that understood how things are at my company. I had chosen to remain offline the remainder of the day after lunch. It was much needed. I wasn’t going to force myself to attempt to do any work when I was still in a funk.

Later in the week friends from Boston were in town visiting. It refreshing to see a familiar face during this stressful time. As exhausted as I was from work and commuting, I sucked it up to grab dinner with them 2 nights in a row and to take them out. It was the least I could do. Plus, I hardly ever go out so I might as well take advantage while I have visitors around. I felt like my old self again joking around with my friends and having great conversations. That was something else I craved for so much during this stressful time. I wanted a piece of home so badly to cheer me up. It reminded me of how my lifestyle in Boston used to be. To dine out or grab drinks after work with friends and it didn’t matter how long our days were. We always looked forward to being in each other’s company. That’s what I miss the most.

Saturday afternoon I got a surprise call from friends from Stockton, CA that were headed to San Jose. I was excited to see them since it’s been quite some They had asked me to join them in getting their engagement photos taken. I wasn’t so thrilled on getting dragged around nor was I in the mood to mingle with their photographer/friend, so I told them to hit me up when they were done. All I wanted to do that afternoon was to lay out in the sun at the rose garden here in SJ and do nothing besides people watch, read, and tan since it was really hot out that day. It was nice and peaceful at the park. It’s one of my favorite places here in SJ to just chill. It was perfect. Eventually I met up with my friends and we grabbed dinner. It’s always nice to catch up with them since I hardly ever see them.

Overall, seeing all these people this past week has been really great. I needed to socialize again and be around some good company. I think there’s only so many Facetime/Skype sessions I can have with friends now. I need that physical interaction with friends. I don’t want to stay cooped up in my room with all of these thoughts and stress. I finally feel like I was able to let go of a lot and to clear my mind. I feel much more relaxed. Anyways, I have 2 remote colleagues that will be in the office this week, which I’m excited. That means the whole team will be in the office and we’re going to have a pub crawl in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. I can’t wait. I feel better good again. It was nice to disconnect myself from my computer this weekend (well, besides right now writing this post haha) and to have good company around during this stressful time. I’m ending the week with a bomb sushi dinner and a good book. 🙂

It’s been quite some time where I’ve felt unmotivated to socialize or to date. I used to be the biggest social butterfly back at home, but now not so much. I carry this “I don’t give a fuck” attitude with me ever since my first horrible interactions with people here. I find myself being a bit awkward because I don’t know what to say or I don’t care to really respond to you. I act this way just because I know my interaction with whomever won’t be long lasting so why put so much effort, if any? I’m very selective in who I choose to surround myself with. If I get any weird or bad vibes I’ll just ignore you. If we click or if I even like you, I’ll talk up a storm. It does come off a bit snobby, but as I said I don’t give a fuck.

I’m just tired of having to repeat “my profile”. I’m Connie, 27, moved from Boston, currently reside in San Jose, I’m a designer, etc etc. I’m so sick of having to tell the same story over and over and over and over again. It even annoys the shit out of me to have to tell someone my story. I used to be able to carry a conversation with anyone without having to tell them my background because that didn’t matter. Now I get a bit quiet and standoffish. I’m just bored having these repetitive conversations. Yes, I know it’s a part of getting to know someone, but at this point I should just pass you a quick fact sheet about myself so I don’t have to tell you haha. However, I do think there’s a point where I need to try again, but the thought of it all I dread it so much.

Last night I had gone out to dinner with two of my colleagues along with their significant other as well as another couple. This left me to be the 7th wheel. Prior to arriving to the destination, I was already dreading on going and it wasn’t the fact that there were going to be only couples. That I didn’t know until I had arrived. I’ve just gotten used to my routine of hanging out by myself on a weekend. I had forgotten what it was like to go out to dinner and drinks with friends. So I forced myself to get ready and out the door and to just suck it up.

I had a good time and I’m glad I went, but the one part that ruined it for me was when it came down to paying the bill. Each couple paid for themselves, which left me to pay for myself which is obviously expected. I was ready to tuck my card in the tab until my colleague’s boyfriend had said I shouldn’t pay as much since I was by myself. The last two words that came out of his mouth really stung: by myself. I felt myself cringing and at that moment I had realized why I almost didn’t want to come out. I know there was no harm in him saying that, but for me it meant something. I’m not mad at him or anything, but it just made me feel as if he reassured that fact that I am single and “by myself”. It’s not a great feeling. I’m horrible at hiding my emotions so I’m sure it was written all over my face that I felt like shit when he said that. I got extra quiet and tried to act okay.

I felt like I shouldn’t let that moment make me take several, not a few, steps back to me becoming social again, but it kinda did. I’m very sensitive to shit like that. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ve changed in so many ways after living here, emotionally and mentally, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’ve spent so much time alone. It’s really hard for me and not many people get it. It’s a lot of baby steps for me to work myself up to that social level that I used to be at back in Boston. I’m quiet and I just observe. I wasn’t really like that in the past. It took a lot for me to put myself in a group last night like that and now I feel like hiding again. I get so uncomfortable with large groups. Once again, I wasn’t like that in the past.

I miss the old me and it saddens me a lot that I’m not that person anymore.

My birthday was last week on January 21. Prior to that date I was dreading each day that got closer to my birthday. I felt unhappier this year turning 27 compared to the past 2 years. When I turned 25 and 26 I was sad, but my friends made it bearable. I tried my best to be as optimistic as I could, but it just got to a point where I felt like I was forcing it too much. Like last year, the night before my birthday I made a birthday to do list. I make this list so I can occupy myself without having to remind myself that I lack any company. My to do list this year consisted of:

  • Go to temple and pray
  • Enjoy a good meal throughout the day
  • Pick up free gift from Sephora
  • Have a drink
  • Have some cake
  • Buy flowers
  • Go on a photo adventure
  • Go to Treasure Island Flea Market
  • Order sushi
  • Read a new book at a cafe or outside
  • Build new terrariums
  • Get Starbucks free birthday reward
  • Have a wonderful day & be happy

I pretty much accomplished everything on my list. I completed each activity from Wednesday and into the weekend. I had work on my birthday so I could only do so much. I had left work early on my birthday since my usual daily meeting got cancelled so I figured I might as well head home than to sit in crazy traffic if I lingered around the office any longer. First thing I did as soon as I got home was to go to temple. I felt a sense of relief and calmness when I was there. There was no one else, but me. I was in this peaceful place letting go of my thoughts and sending my prayers to my family and friends. Before I had left, I decided to do the fortune sticks just for the hell of it. I had sent my parents a photo of the lot number I got and it was a good one, which was a relief.

When I got home from temple, I relaxed and tried to get some rest but only ended up Facetiming with my close friend. It was refreshing catching up with her. As soon as I hung up, my landlord knocked on my door and handed me a small box. I asked what it was and she’s told me it was my gift. I was really taken back, but grateful by her generosity. I felt so bombarded by her as she forced me to have dinner in the kitchen, popped open a bottle of champagne, and surprised me with a cake. I really wanted to cry because I was overwhelmed by their kindness. I haven’t had a birthday cake in so long. She picked out my favorite candle color which is yellow and turned off the lights only with only that one candle lighting up the room. I was surrounded by my landlord (husband and wife) as well as my roomie and their guests. They sang happy birthday to me and I just didn’t know how to react. I think my mind was still trying to get a grip that any of this was actually happening. I made my wish, blew out the candle and cut the cake. We sat around the kitchen, chatted and had a few good laughs.

I opened my gift from my landlord which was these small bottles of Burberry perfume. Luckily I’m in need of a new perfume, but I opted to keep one in the bunch that I liked and mailed my mom the rest since I wanted to share my gift with her. One of my roomies came into the kitchen with this big box of egg roll cookies. I asked her what she was doing with such a big box of it. She handed to it me and said it’s my birthday gift haha. I laughed so hard. She had said she didn’t know what to get me but knew that I don’t like chocolate. It was very sweet of her. We aren’t close at all, but we are cordial. It was a kind gesture on her end. Plus they’re my favorite cookies growing up. That night I went to bed really happy. I was really relieved that I didn’t have to have a drink or cake by myself again and that I was able to share that with the people in my household.

My friends from home were good to me as always from afar. I got an early birthday card and photo cube from my cousin and friend. They sent me a really funny birthday card that definitely suited me. I had received this two days before my birthday. I came home from an exhausting day of work to a box with my name on it. I was wondering what it was. As soon as I opened it I teared up. I started crying because I miss how silly us three were together and the good times I’ve had with them. At that moment I had wished I could’ve given them a big hug. I texted them saying thank you and these jerks asked if I cried after opening the gift haha.

The next day I had received a book from another close friend. Man she got me good because I was searching online for the book like a crazy person after our discussion about it. I had forgotten about the title of the book, but she remembered and knew it was a book I’ve wanted to read. I was really excited since reading a new book was on my birthday to do list. Once again I teared up and texted thank you to my friend. My friends has officially caught onto how truly of a softy I can be when it comes to sentimental things. That’s when you truly know how I really am.

On Saturday since it was getting really warm in the Bay Area of the weekend, it was a perfect day to go to Treasure Island Flea Market, which is my monthly activity to do. I was excited to bring my new book with me as well as to purchase new succulents for my room. I’ve become someone with somewhat of a green thumb. I find it relaxing to build terrariums. Anyways, as soon as I got to the flea market I headed straight to where the usual vendor I buy the succulents from was located. Her selections gets better and better every time I purchase from her. I’ll post up pics of my terrariums in another post. Considering on adding more stuff to it after it’s now been depotted and arranged. I got kinda cranky while I was there since there was obviously a lot of people. I bought my succulents, got myself lunch from the food truck and found a perfect spot under a tree with a great view of the SF skyline. It was relaxing laying there in the sun and enjoying my lunch and book. I felt at ease with everything again. It’s something I need to do more often again. When I had gotten home I received two more birthday cards. One from another close friend and one from my parents. My parents never send me one and wanted to because they didn’t want me to feel lonely. It was really comforting to hear my mom say that to me.

The weekend before my birthday a fellow Xangan who’s also a San Jose resident and a close friend of mines was really sweet to treat me out to lunch. It was nice to catch up and have that girl time that both her and I need, well probably she needs it more than me haha. But it’s always refreshing to just take a break from life and talk about anything with a close friend. An old coworker of mines had also treated me out to dinner as well. She had asked what I was in the mood for and I said sushi, but then again I can eat sushi probably 3-4 times a week. She made several suggestions and I had approved that we go eat Ethiopian food instead. I’ve never tried it, always heard good things and here was my opportunity to go. The restaurant was split up into two sections; one with regular dining chairs and tables and the other section was more traditional sitting on stools and this small table was the dining table. Of course we opted for the traditional seating area just to really make the best of the experience since it was my first time. The food was amazing! There was beef, chicken and pork in our dish. The restaurant also served this really good Ethiopian honey wine, which is a really sweet white wine. Overall, it was just nice to have those two meals with girl friends. I know I don’t see or speak to them often, but it was just really nice to just hang out like that. Having good meal and engaging in great conversations. I think that temporarily made me feel sane again.

Despite how lonely I felt, it was nice that to be a bit caught off guard with the company I didn’t expect to have on my birthday. Deep down that was something I wanted to include in my birthday to do list: to spend my birthday with some company and to not be alone. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The amount of silence and loneliness that I deal with on a daily basis with just eat away are your mind and your soul. It kills every bit of you and I hate it. For me turning 27 was a big deal. It was another reminder that I’m almost 30, still single, and renting. Granted that I have a great well-paying job and accomplished a lot in my career before 30, that isn’t as fulfilling as I’d like it to be. I want to buy property, settle down, get married and have a family. My close friend had said to me that I shouldn’t be too bummed out about turning 27 whereas she’s turning 30. That comment made me a bit mad and jealous. I kinda snapped at her and said well at least you’ve bought a house and you’re getting married. I wouldn’t mind turning 30 or any age if I had those things in my life. For now I’m really trying my hardest to find my happy and that doesn’t mean a significant other. As mentioned several times I’ve been very unhappy and don’t get me wrong I’m not ungrateful. I feel as if I’ve lost a big piece of myself since moving to Cali and having 2 birthdays gone by. It might not mean anything to anyone, but it’s made a huge impact on me. As for the future birthdays all I’ve always ever wanted is just a birthday card and a Carvel ice cream cake which is my favorite. Nothing fancy.

I’ve said enough. Good night.