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Turns out my Christmas movie marathon didn’t happen last night after I wrote last night’s post. One of my friend’s from back at home, P, who now lives in Cali asked me to hang out since we were both home alone for Christmas. P and I haven’t seen each other in nearly 3 years since he moved out to Cali to fulfill his career as an architect. We were never close but we hung out with the same group of friends and we always had a good time. He’s a really nice and fun guy. I reached out to him recently since I forgot that he lived in the Bay Area and gave him the heads up that I’m here in Cali as well.

Anyways, I was really excited to get out of the house and see a familiar face. It’s extremely refreshing when you’re in a place not knowing anyone, but then you see someone you know. It’s just comforting. P and I did a lot of catching up. I explained to him of my social situation here and he understood how I felt. He’s probably right that it’s just people in SJ sucks, but I’d like to think it’s everyone and not just SJ since I’m stubborn like that.

After chatting away, he was really nice and made us dinner since it was Christmas and our dining options were extremely limited haha. After dinner we decided to make s’mores, which I haven’t had in forever. So we thought we ran out of chocolate so we ventured off to find some. But after we bought some we found a chocolate bar IN the box with the graham crackers. Son of a bitch! Lol. Finally having all of our ingredients we just ended up playing around with these insanely massive marshmellows that P has haha. It was so funny.

During our chocolate bar mission, we drove around and he showed me this neighborhood that has really nice Christmas lights. Apparently one of the streets in the neighborhood with lights can sync with your radio. I don’t know. So we were driving around this neighborhood and I guess there were several drivers doing the same thing lol. Although we failed to find the street, it was pretty fun.

After hanging out and watching some Aziz Ansari on Netflix, it was time for me to go home. I was so sleepy and dreading the drive home. So glad the drive wasn’t bad at all. For once I felt like myself again after hanging out with P. I felt genuinely happy and haven’t had that much fun since C came to visit San Francisco. It was a great way to end the last couple of hours of Christmas. I felt a lot of reassurance and comfort after talking to P as we shared our Cali experiences. Surprisingly throughout the whole time we hung out there was no awkwardness between us especially since we’re not close at all and we don’t really know each other that well, besides partying with our mutual friends haha. He was supportive during our discussion and that’s all I needed. He understood the type of shitty people I was dealing with and how difficult it has been for me. It was nice to have a Bostonian’s perspective on the people here and I stand correctly, I’m not a crazy bitch and that Californians are different from us folks in the east coast. Anyways, that sense of comfort from a friend, whether or not if we’re close friends or acquaintances.

It was a great Christmas night. đŸ™‚

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Merry Christmas everyone! Well this is my first year away from home during the holidays. It has been hard on me since I’m here all by myself. It’s even more of a bummer that I’m missing out on the holiday festivities back at home, but I’ll deal with it. I was a total emotional mess on Thanksgiving, but so far I’m holding up pretty well today. Although I can’t buy my friends any Christmas gifts, I sent my close friends Christmas cards. I personally selected each of their cards rather than buying a box set of cards. So that was quite pricey, but well worth it. It made me really happy when they contacted me that they had received their cards. Recently I received Christmas cards from close friends back at home. One card came all the way from Australia from one of my close friend’s that recently moved there. Reading each of their cards definitely tugged on my heart strings. I felt so blessed to have such amazing friends back at home that’s been extremely supportive and comforting. Yesterday the waterworks really came out after I checked my door step and saw that my close friend sent me TimTam’s after I had just mentioned about them the other day to her. I thought that was really sweet. I would’ve thought my friend in Australia would’ve sent them to me since I did make a request amongst many of our friends from back at home haha. I guess you can say I was so overwhelmed by my friends kindness since people here haven’t treated me so well. I do get extremely emotional when someone is nice to me just because I’ve gotten used to being treated like shit here by everyone in this shit hole state. I am generally a total sucker for simple and sentimental things like cards and letters. Those are the best gifts. C’mon I’m not a hard girl to please.

Anyways, my Christmas is consisting of being a total bum at home. Nothing new there. Cooked myself an semi-epic breakfast this morning.

Love turkey bacon!

Love turkey bacon!

Been watching some shows and movies. Nothing too exciting. Tonight, I plan on having a full out Christmas movie marathon consisting of:

– Home Alone 1 & 2 (classics!!)
– The Holiday (one of my fav movies!) đŸ™‚
– Elf (maybe)
– Love, Actually (never seen it)
– The Santa Clause (maybe)
– The Nightmare Before Christmas (classic!!)

It was nice that I got to Skype with my parents last night on Christmas Eve. I felt guilty the entire day…well more like the closer Christmas was approaching the heavier the guilt weighed on me. Every year I help out at my parent’s business. It’s basically a routine that I’ve acquired over the past 10 years. I felt horrible to be here relaxing while they’re back at home busting their ass. I saw and heard how exhausted they were during our Skype conversation. That was a feeling I knew I’d dread so much moving out here. Home clearly isn’t as easily accessible unless if I moved to New York, which was one of my original plans. The first thing I did on Christmas Eve was to go to temple and just pray for my parents. I felt a bit of relief after going and when I spoke to them, I told them how I prayed for them. They were really happy that I did that for them. Little do they know I pray for them and everyone else back at home everyday.

It’s hard for me to “enjoy” this holiday with no company. You get accustomed to the silence and lack of company. Holiday or not, I’d still be at home by myself with no one here in Cali. I was invited over to my flakey friend’s for homemade pho yesterday, but I politely declined. They asked me twice to go over and I just said no thanks. The invite was a kind gesture, but I honestly don’t want to be around another person’s family seeing them enjoy this holiday, making memories, opening gifts, and etc. It really hurts me so much that I can’t even do that with my family. So I’d rather not be there and pretend that I’m having a good time.

I remember how last year in December, I got to go see the Nutcracker live for the first time. Attended friend’s holiday get togethers and potlucks. I miss all those things that I used to be able to do back at home. It does make me upset that I have no one to enjoy doing those things with here. Today is suppose to be a happy day and I won’t take that from my close friends or anyone back at home to let them know how sad I am. I’m just glad everyone back at home is happy and safe back at home. That’s all that matters to me. They’re all the perfect gift to me.

This will obviously be my first year spending the holidays out here in California. I have to say as much as I dislike the holidays, it’s even worst when you really don’t have any company to spend it with. I’m actually bummed out that I won’t be at my parent’s and having some of my mom’s turkey this Thanksgiving. Actually, I won’t be having any turkey at all this year. I’ve already missed my friend’s annual Thanksgiving potluck back at home and that was always an event I looked forward to going to. It’s a rare occasion for all of my friends and I to get together so I always tried my best to go.

Although I’ve told myself I won’t be returning back to Boston maybe until next year to visit, I’ve browsed at flights just for the hell of it. So far the prices aren’t bad at all for the dates I want to go. I’ve even browsed at other destinations, but I still don’t feel comfortable traveling due to my current financial matters. Plus, it’s no fun to go somewhere by myself. I wish I had one of my friends to come along with me. It’s no fun exploring something by yourself. I’m all about sharing experiences and memories with good company.

Anyways, I’ve definitely considered volunteering on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Just something to keep me occupied. I really don’t want to sit at home like a total Scrooge. I’m browsing for local events and activities as well. I was invited over to a friend of mines for Thanksgiving out in Stockton, so maybe I’ll take him up on that offer. Not sure yet. As sweet and kind of an offer my friend put out there for me, personally I wouldn’t feel as comfortable. I just wish it was easier to be in the company of my family and friends back at home.

I want to try my best to keep my mind occupied and to avoid feeling any homesickness. Well some of those feelings has already kicked in. I know I’ve been a total emotional wreck this past month. I’ll get over it. I just need to hang in there and to try to look on the brighter side of things. I’ve thought of a few things to do to make it an “exciting” holiday for myself, but once again like I said already I’m all about sharing experiences and memories with good company.

I’ll figure something out.