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I’ve been aggressively applying to jobs ever since last month when I had completed updating my portfolio and resume. I’ve yet again overworked myself from applying to jobs and trying to make shit happen. It’s been so hard for me to continue biting my tongue at my current job and I’m just very lucky that I’ve had a lot of great and quick turn arounds and feedback from potential employers. I had at least 3-6 calls every week. Last Thursday I had 4 phone interviews. I remember going crazy trying to figure out my availability while looking at my calendar.

Meet Company A. I first spoke with the recruiter from there, then the hiring manager and then a designer. After having a great interviews with them, they had me complete a design challenge. I was kinda nervous since I wasn’t sure what to expect and I’ve never had to do one before. It’s essentially a way for the employer to see how you solve problems. My options was to figure out how to design an ATM for kids or design a texting app for a car dashboard. I opted for the latter. I was essentially up against some other girl and was told that we were similar, but after hearing that I knew how badly I wanted to stand out.

I worked all day last weekend and even up until 4AM. There went my weekend, but I wanted the job badly and plus I wanted to kick this other candidate’s ass with my skills haha. I did a shit ton of research, lots of prototyping, wireframes, visual designs, iconography, created a color palette, typeface selections, etc. I was gonna go crazy from all of the browser tabs that I had opened during my research. I had used InVision to organize this “project” and had things laid out nicely. I was hoping to get feedback from my friend/colleague who I worked very closely with and looked up to him as a mentor during my time at the company, but I was anxious and impatient since he failed to get back to my ASAP. It was due that following Monday and I really needed to send it out. So I just said fuck it and was really nervous and stressed out after I hit send. I had shared it with my team of what my design challenge looked like and they were impressed with how much I managed to churn out in 2 days. I was only suppose to spend 6 hours on this, but nope haha. I got great feedback from them and said that I definitely over delivered, whereas I felt like I didn’t provide enough. I remember panicking and throwing in more sketches to make it look/feel more complete.

After a couple days went by the recruiter finally gave me an update to tell me that the hiring manager and the designer were both impressed by my work. She was gonna give me more updates after meeting with them. While I was playing this waiting game, company B came along and reached out to me. The recruiter from there told me that the hiring manager really liked my portfolio and wanted to speak with me. I had a phone interview set up and it went really well. The next steps would be a 3-4 hour on site interview to meet the team and whatnot. After that they would make their decision. I found out pretty quickly that they really wanted to meet with me so I was in the works of scheduling something with them. As I was trying to schedule something with them I felt guilty in an odd way as I was still waiting for a response from company A. It got super nerve wracking.

When I had submitted my availability to company B, the recruiter from company A called me right afterwards. I thought to myself “FUCK!!!!!!” lol. She asked me if I was meeting with any other companies and whatnot. I was very straight forward and told her how company B is trying to pursue me and it would happen early next week. Instantly she wanted to figure out how to persuade me from meeting with company B.I  mentioned to her how both companies are great and I had felt so conflicted as to which direction to go. I told her how I thought a lot about the pros and cons to each company, but there were too many pros from both companies which made it harder on me. From there we started talking numbers. I gave her a good range and told her what I wanted in order to get me fully onboard. I ended the call with telling her that speaking with her made me feel better and it’ll give me some more time to think about things.

Company B emailed me this morning to reschedule our in person meeting and what’s another available date/time. I ignored the email since Company A said that they will call me in the morning. I think in that moment I realized I need to move forward with Company A if they gave me an offer. After I had dropped off my car to be serviced and getting home this morning, Company A finally called. She went straight into telling me they had an offer for me and I took down notes of what it all entailed. I immediately accepted. I would’ve been the world’s biggest dumbass if I passed up on the offer. I definitely got a bit more than what I asked for, which I really cannot complain. I told her I would gladly accept and how I ignored Company B’s email to reschedule with me. She was really happy and relieved to hear that. She told me how happy the hiring manager would be about the news. She mentioned how even though that other candidate was good, the hiring manager reallyyy wanted me instead. He not only loved my work, but my personality as well and granted I haven’t met any of these people in person lol.

While Company A was telling me the details of my offer, I started tearing up. I was so happy that after all of that hard work I fucking finally made it. No more bullshit, no more micromanaging, no more emotional abuse at work anymore. I felt a huge amount of weight lifted off of my shoulders and it felt awesome. As soon as I got off of the phone I called my mom to share the news. I had spoken to her 30 minutes before Company A called me to wish her a happy birthday and asked if she had received the flowers that I had sent. Calling her back with news about my new job made her extra happy on her special day. That made me tear up even more just because I’ve proven to my parents that I can handle it and there was nothing to worry about. I really kept my word on that one. After speaking with my parents I shared the news with my team since they’ve known about my interview process and job search. I continued passing along the good news to my close friends. They were all happy for me and I am forever grateful for their kindness and support for the hell that I’ve been through the past 5 months at my job.

I immediately thought about when my last day should be and scheduled a meeting with my POS manager’s new boss that she reports to. She pretty much got passed along to another manager that I know who is neutral with me. I immediately emailed her asking to schedule a meeting since I had some “important” things to discuss with her. I plan on sharing the things that my POS manager has said and done to me for the past 5 months. I’ve documented and took down notes of everything. There’s a legit timeline of what this fucking asshole has done to me EVERY WEEK. I don’t care if she gets fired or whatever the fuck happens to her, but I just need to get all of it off of my chest before I leave.

I am still overwhelmed with so much happiness and happy tears, too. It truly has been a struggle in this industry over the years and I’m finally making it. One of my close friends AC that I spoke with today said she admired my dedication that I put into my work and that made me tear up. I am very passionate about what I do. I am at the peak of my career and it really can’t get any better than this. I’m still in shock that I’m going to be making six figures. I can’t wrap my mind around that still. I am grateful for the hiring manager to give me this awesome opportunity. I remember during my phone interview with him I had told him he reminded me a lot of my previous manager that had hired me at my current company. How similar their personalities, values and sense of humor were felt so comforting. I remember that morning was bad because my POS manager said some shitty things to me before my phone interview. After that interview, I felt like this guy gave me hope that there is a great opportunity out there for me and someone is willing to give me the time of day yet alone a chance to prove to them that I can do the job. It all feels so surreal that I am gonna be going off to another great position. I was getting stressed out for how long it could potentially take me to find another job.

Anyways, it really feels so good especially to feel this genuinely happy again. It was a very happy Friday.

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Today marks one year since I’ve moved to Cali. Crazy how a year has flown by already. Honestly, everyday I feel like I’ve only been here for a couple of months. It’s definitely still an adjustment for me. I miss home every single day. The first six months here was rough. I cried a lot and felt so out of place. The loneliness and silence that you deal with gets to you quite often. This whole experience for me was to take myself out of my comfort zone and to experience what it’d be like to live somewhere where you don’t know anyone. It has been an interesting experience.

More importantly I moved for the sake of my career. I’m in a really great place with my career right now. Recently started a new job and I’m learning more in order for me to grow as a better designer. I’ve definitely become a much more confident designer. It was a struggle finding work out here when i first arrived. Throughout my time here I’ve definitely worked my way up. I worked for shitty people to amazing, big companies. I am very grateful to have those opportunities to have worked for those companies. I’ve never felt such strong motivation for my career before until now. There’s more clarity as to where I see myself in the future as a designer. It’s a very rewarding feeling.

As for how long I plan to stay in Cali, I’m unsure. A year has gone by but that’s still nothing to me. As much as I miss home constantly, I’m in a very happy place with my career. My social life has gotten a tiny bit better, but my friends from home are always still in contact with me which makes me feel better. I’m still trying to develop a core group of friends, but honestly the people here suck. I’ve done a lot of reaching out and I’m just kinda over it. People here are flakey and never come through, which is horrible for me to expect that. Glad I have friends at home that aren’t like that. I’m glad to have at least one great girl friend around (lisalaughs) because “Man Jose” can be a bit much. Plus, every girl always needs to have that down time with their girlfriends! It’s essential.

I’m very thankful again to have such sweet friends who has been with me throughout this experience. I won’t forget about seeing C in September in San Francisco. At that time I wasn’t here in Cali for that long but it was great to hang out with a girl friend. I got to spend Christmas with P (another friend from home who lives semi close by) and catching up and making our silly, gigantic s’mores haha. Then January another close girl friend came to visit me for my birthday. I cried so much because I was so happy for them to have come so far just for my birthday. It was a very sweet gesture. I got to see C again in June which is always a great time. Good food, drinks and company was what I needed during that time when I became unemployed. Having that girl time was very comforting. I’m looking forward to seeing M and her hubby at the end of this month. Can’t wait!!

I’ve looked at plane tickets to travel home but still unsure. Hopefully in November but we shall see. We’re already into half of the year being over and I got to figure out travel plans for home soon. I was all about not visiting home so soon because I felt like I didn’t earn that right to. I’m a very prideful person. I’d be embarrassed to visit home with nothing to show. It was easy to pack my things and leave, but definitely hard to go home. At this point, it’s safe to say I’ve earned that plane ticket home. I’ve been through enough one year without seeing my family and friends. I left my heart back in Boston and I miss how my city made me feel.

Glad to know I survived this one, long, tough year by myself. It still blows my mind that I got into my car and drove across this country. Never gonna do that again haha. Onto year two.

One of the many things I dreaded the most was to deal with the DMV especially in a new state. We all know how much of a pain in the ass it can be with the waiting and whatnot. As much as I didn’t want to, I booked an appointment to schedule getting a Cali drivers license. I wish I could just transfer my MA license like how they do it down in AZ. Makes things so much easier!! I was dreading the written test because I haven’t taken it in 10 years and I’m a horrible test taker lol. Thankfully my visit at the DMV today went smoothly and I passed. I absolutely hateeee my photo for my license. Extremely fugly lol. Not sure what the lady was doing when she snapped the photo, but it essentially looks like a horrible close up but with my chin raised up. Sighs haha.

I was kinda sad when they unvalidated my MA license. I kinda cringed but I do have a back up MA license for when I thought I lost mines haha. I know it’s not a big deal with switch licenses, but for me it was. It was the stamp on the envelope that sealed the deal for me living here in California. I just feel like I’m kinda locked down now and that I have to stay here. Obviously no one is forcing me to stay here, but still I digress. I’m definitely no longer a Massachusetts resident that I’ve always been. I told one of my close friends from back at home that I got my Cali license and all she said was, “you’re really not coming back now.” I was kinda sad to hear her say that, but she’s right. I’m not coming back. I really don’t even know when I’ll even go back to visit. I miss home every single day, but it’s just not the time for me to go back yet. I have a lot of things that I need to take care of out here.

My car is still registered in MA but I’ll save that for another day. I was informed it’s gonna cost me an arm and a leg to register my car since it was purchased in MA. Definitely dreading that…

Let’s face it, I’ve been a total bitch lately and very snappy towards a lot of people. I’m extra sensitive and I get offended easily. No, it’s not PMS. This whole unemployment business has gotten to me pretty badly. It’s not something I enjoy nor am I proud of. Change is what I wanted and change is what I got. I’m prepared to start my life over. I went from working a full time job with my own place, financially stable, and just pretty much all round having my shit together. I had things going for me and it truly has hurt my pride a lot to not be in that stable place that I was once at. I left for the west coast to pursue better opportunities for my career. That is my main goal for this move. I didn’t plan to move out west to party or to get away from Boston in general. I am very ambitious, driven and very passionate about my career. I don’t get why people don’t understand that aspect of me. I have that “work hard, work harder” mentality, not work hard, play harder kinda deal.

It just gets tiring to be asked the same questions over and over again. “How’s the job hunt going?” “Have you gone on any interviews?” “Any word back yet?” I know those are harmless general questions, but just get off of my fucking case already. I’ve made light jokes that I’m a bum with no income and I try not to take things too personal, but I can’t help it. I get annoyed if you’re the SAME fucking person asking me the SAME fucking question almost EVERY fucking day. When I tell them in a polite manner that I don’t want to talk about it, they get offended. I’m not being rude and saying, “Shut the fuck up already” lol. Although I refrain from saying that because them asking so many damn questions is considered to be borderline nagging to me and I absolutely HATE nagging. I appreciate the concern, but seriously I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s something that’s constantly on my mind and it’s already stressful for me as is. I am consistently applying and I’ve gone on several interviews. I know this is gonna take some time, but c’mon lets talk about something else.

I do however get offended when someone brings up my financial matters. I’m pretty responsible and I know what I need to do. It’s not like I’m going on some kind of shopping spree and living this supposed leisurely life. As I said before, I do not enjoy being unemployed, but who fucking does? lol. I went from having a hectic schedule that was always filled with something to do and now I have a lot of free time that I’m trying to fill up again. It’s annoying when someone assumes that I’m “living the life” because I have all this free time. I am taking advantage of it though to do some things that I didn’t get to do before when I was employed, such as traveling and just having more time for myself. Regardless, it’s no one’s business unless you’re my spouse and contributing to my bills. I’ve found myself pushing a lot of people away as soon as they just get me angry. I’m not asking for anyone to be sympathetic about my situation. I just want you to give me some respect and to not bring it up. It’s as simple as that. Maybe once I get back on my feet again, I won’t be as much of an asshole haha. I really am trying to be as optimistic about this job search, but it doesn’t help with the repetitive questions.

There are other things going on in my life that is causing me to be this big bitch right now and I don’t feel the need to go into those details with anyone. It is what it is.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Kelly Rowland feat. Beyonce & Michelle – You Changed 

I really hate to see that look on your face
You’re looking like someone came and rained on your parade
And I know, it kills to feel those tears in your eyes
But I guess your conscience finally caught up with your lies
But when my tears dropped, where the hell were you?
It’s okay, boy I’ve changed and I ain’t been here waiting
So I won’t pretend to feel bad for you
‘Cause since you left I ain’t cried since
And boy I like it that way
I can say I’m done in a million ways
But let’s not beat around the bush
Let’s cut to the chase
You changed, I changed but it’s too late,
Now I’m so through, too cool, oh yeah
And if our love was a game, you just lost
You changed, I changed but it’s too late
I know you hate to see this look on my face
I’m sure that you can see real clear a little lying goes a long way
And if you think I’d waste more tears, boy you’re crazy
And maybe you should get yourself a minute, don’t delay
But you let the ball drop, too bad for you
But it’s okay, boy I’m straight, my whole life’s amazing
So I won’t pretend to feel bad for you
‘Cause since you left I ain’t cried since
And boy I like it that way
I can say I’m done in a million ways
But let’s not beat around the bush
Let’s cut to the chase
You changed, I changed but it’s too late,
Now I’m so through, too cool, oh yeah
And if our love was a game, you just lost
You changed, I changed but it’s too late
Now you wanna claim you got a clue
Boy what do expect from me to do?
You claim you wanna have a life of two
But you can save your sorries and your “I love you” too
I can say I’m done in a million ways
But let’s not beat around the bush
Let’s cut to the chase
You changed, I changed but it’s too late,
Now I’m so through, too cool, oh yeah
And if our love was a game, you just lost
You changed, I changed but it’s too late
Change just in time
Just in time for me to change my mind
And it’s too late,
Boy I changed
It’s too bad for you, oh-oh,
For I changed my mind
I don’t want you no-no more
‘Cause see you changed, I changed, you changed but it’s too late, it’s too late
Sorry
 
Sometimes enough is enough, but no one else ever came so close until you.
Take care babe…