Wildest Dreams

Taylor SwiftWildest Dreams

“Say you’ll remember me…”

Current obsession.

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Uni & Whiskey Farewell Party

Yesterday my team threw a farewell party for one of my colleague’s who will no longer be a part of the team. Despite all the sad news earlier in the week with what’s happening in the company, we still had to do something for him. My boss had asked what we should do for the party. Somehow we decided to get uni and have whiskey haha. It also turned into a Japanese themed party. My boss had removed these Indian movie posters we had hanging and replaced them with these Japanese prints, which were awesome. One of my colleague’s has this newfound connection in getting freshly caught uni so he made arrangements in getting that. Cool part was they prepared it and delivered it to our office. Best thing ever! The night before I was sent to the Asian market to pick up some quail eggs, ponzu sauce, scallions and lots of Japanese snacks. I picked up a bunch of roasted seaweed snacks and crackers.

Also, the day before the party my boss had asked me to put together a poster (kinda sorta) for the event. I’m the go to person that designs a poster for when our team has an event and they’re generally these bright, playful and very funny posters that I put together in less than 5 minutes haha. Although this time required even less effort. I basically had to print out this ninja looking character that my colleague had designed. He only wanted that character printed and nothing else said on the flyer. The only thing that’s on the poster besides the character is ‘Destructive Action Modal’, which is related to some design stuff we did. We didn’t want to draw attention that it’s a farewell party on it and thought it would be funny to confuse people. That was a bad idea lol. As we were about to set up the party, my boss came up to me and told me HR spoke to him. I instantly thought, “oh shit, what did I do?” lol. I guess some people in the company reported the poster to HR and thought something bad was going to happen at the company. Some apparently even Googled the ninja character who also had Japanese writing on the belt. Long story short, people looked too much into it and freaked out especially during this sensitive time in the company. HR had asked my boss who did the poster and he said our team did and went into explaining what it was about. HR laughed and we got off the hook. Later during the party my boss had said to me that he was glad that we got in trouble with HR and I agreed. Our team is definitely the trouble makers in the company, but what fun is there if there isn’t someone like that in the company? We laughed it off and high fived each other lol. Best boss ever!

So while other people started to join the party, my colleague was preparing these uni shooters. Everyone was forced to have one, which they all ended up loving. That uni shooter was delicious and extremely fresh. I’m so glad we decided to get the uni. It was fun to see people’s reaction eating it since it was a few people’s first time trying it. There were lots of laughs and great conversation happening throughout the night. There were even some dancing on desks happening haha. It was a lot of fun and we didn’t leave the office until 9PM. When I had got home, my boss texted me and thanked me for helping with providing the snacks and helping out, which was nice of him. Despite the sad news in the company and a lost of a colleague on my team, it was really nice to get our minds off of the bad and to come together to have a great time. I love my boss and team so much and will be forever grateful to be a part of a team full of amazing and talented people.

Homesick

I’m currently back in the east coast visiting my parents. This was an unexpected and quick trip for me. I didn’t really inform any of my friends since I planned on devoting a lot of my time to my parents. The last time I had came back to visit I was drifting in all different directions to make time for friends and of course for my parents. But I just really wanted to give them all of my time and attention when I came back. However I did have to crash at a close friend’s place since I felt like I was on the never ending plane ride. I had two long layovers, bounced from 3 planes and the last thing that I wanted to do was to get on an hour long bus ride from the airport to my parents.

It was nice to have a break to linger around Boston by myself for a bit before my friend got home for me to rest. First thing I realized was how much I do NOT miss the humidity. I’d much rather come back when it’s the fall or winter. I’ve gotten too use to that dry heat in the west coast. I headed straight to Chinatown once I got out of the airport. I took a little stroll and was just kind of taking everything in. I found it hard to believe I was here in the old stomping grounds. I was reminiscing a lot and felt very overwhelmed with emotions. This trip was definitely much needed and I was glad I came back. I gradually made way to my favorite childhood hole in the wall joint: Wai Wai!! Haha. If you don’t know about Wai Wai then you’re missing out. It’s hands down the most BOMB rice plate I’ve had since I was little. My dad used to get me a rice plate to go and we’d go to the barber shop next door so he can get his cut and chill with his friends. Anyways, I immediately knew what to get. I got the chicken with scallion ginger sauce, which is what they’re mostly known for and I also got roasted duck and roasted pork. I must’ve been really hungry because I inhaled all of that food so quickly. The same lady that has run the place for years is usually known to be a little mean and standoffish, but towards the end of my meal and after I paid she actually smiled at me and said thank you lol. I was taken back by that.

After my meal I decided to check out Cafe Nero since it was just down the street in Downtown Boston. I needed fresh air, coffee and I had to check my work e-mail since I did tell my boss that I was going to be working remotely. I ordered a vanilla latte and found a seat outside. I was really hoping to be a bit incognito during my visit to Boston, but that didn’t last long. I ran into a familiar face and did some quick catching up. So much for not having anyone know that I was back in town. Boston is really too small for its own good haha. I had to end the conversation with my friend since my close friend told me she was home from work. I was ready to just drop off my luggage and lay down. Plus, the vanilla latte was shitty so I was ready to leave Cafe Nero ASAP! I was so happy to enjoy the air conditioning on the train. I felt so gross from flying and the damn humidity. During the train ride to my friend’s place, I felt so relaxed. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on public transportation since living in Cali has made me heavily dependent on my car. That’s just the major downside of living in Cali.

When I arrived to my friend’s, I had freshened up and we went to the Museum of Fine Arts. Prior to my trip home I wanted to see what exhibits were currently up at the MFA. I was extremely excited to see the Hokusai exhibit at the MFA and included that as a part of my agenda. My friend lives close by so it wasn’t like it was out of my way especially staying at her place. I’ll have to write another post on that exhibit since I took lots of photos, but if you’re in the Boston area I highly suggest it. It was such a beautiful exhibit. After all of that museum fun, I finally got to lay down and relax before another friend would meet up with us for dinner. I had requested that we eat hot pot for dinner, but I was bummed out that we didn’t get to go to where I wanted to, which was okay. They had taken me to this relatively new hot pot restaurant called Asiana Sushi Shabu. They basically serve all you can eat hot pot and sushi. I passed on the sushi since I do prefer the sushi in Cali better than Boston. This place just reminded me of an upgraded version of Hot Pot Buffet in Chinatown. It was alright, but I definitely left feeling stuffed. It was really nice to see my friends before I went off to my parents the next day.

The next morning I was Cape Cod bound and damn I was extremely tired. It was not fun being squished in the train during the morning rush hour, but I oddly once again I do miss public transportation and those little things that comes along with it. As soon as I reached my destination, my dad had picked me up from the bus station. The old man was just too excited to see me, but I am daddy’s little girl after all haha. Prior to my bus ride I had made a stop to Chinatown to pick up from buns for my parents and their employees. Figured they’d want something to go with their morning coffee. My dad and I made a pit stop to their business, where I was not only able to drop off the baked goods, but I got to see my mom as well. I gave her a big hug when I saw her. I felt really safe again to have my mom’s arms around me and it was nice. Throughout my trip here it wasn’t that exciting. I mainly worked remotely, spent time with my parents and stayed home since I was carless. When I got to my parents house I was welcomed by a big pot of tong yuen, which is basically this Chinese dough ball soup. My mom throws in some mushrooms, Chinese sausage, daikon, cilantro and her homemade shrimp balls. I definitely miss mom’s home cooking!! I enjoyed sitting down at the dinner table with my parents. Since my parents live in Cape Cod and there’s an abundance of seafood in the community, my mom cooked up some freshly caught local clams and lobster. It was fricken AMAZING!!! After dinner I’d either join my mom or dad in our little one on one hangout. One night I was laying in bed with my mom watching these video blogs on Youtube. She enjoys watching the SacconeJolys as much as I do and that has now become our thing. Another night I was helping my dad in the garage with a new shelf he built. The next night I watched him do his nightly routine of playing the erhu while he listens to Chinese opera. These little moments meant a lot to me and it was very comforting.

Ever since last night while I was watching my dad play his erhu I got really sad. I knew my time would go by so fast as if I was never here. I’ve just been in this funk all day because this is the last time I’ll be in this household where it’s just myself and my parents. I also have lunch plans with friends tomorrow before I go to the airport and I know I’m going to be a cry baby. I was hesitant on following through with the lunch plans with my friends because I’m horrible at saying goodbye. I know the moment I see them up until the moment we hug and part ways, the waterworks is going to kick into overdrive. Whenever my parents or friends hug me, I get so sad because I feel like they’re all protecting and comforting me. I’m very lonely in Cali and to come back to Boston to an abundance of open arms and good people in my life is hard to leave. I know the last time when I had left and got onto the bus to head to the airport, I legit cried from the moment I got onto the bus and all the way back to Cali. That’s how upset I was. I can sense it happening already. I would prefer not to see anyone on the morning I leave to the airport just to make leaving a lot easier on me. This is how I’ll always be and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just love this city so much along with all of my family and friends here. I know the moment I get back to Cali I’ll be really homesick and in a funk. I’ve already braced myself for this. Hopefully one day I’ll overcome this and get better at saying goodbye. For now I don’t mind being the big cry baby amongst my group of friends. They’re all too good to me and I wish I can take them all with me.

Twenty Seven

My birthday was last week on January 21. Prior to that date I was dreading each day that got closer to my birthday. I felt unhappier this year turning 27 compared to the past 2 years. When I turned 25 and 26 I was sad, but my friends made it bearable. I tried my best to be as optimistic as I could, but it just got to a point where I felt like I was forcing it too much. Like last year, the night before my birthday I made a birthday to do list. I make this list so I can occupy myself without having to remind myself that I lack any company. My to do list this year consisted of:

  • Go to temple and pray
  • Enjoy a good meal throughout the day
  • Pick up free gift from Sephora
  • Have a drink
  • Have some cake
  • Buy flowers
  • Go on a photo adventure
  • Go to Treasure Island Flea Market
  • Order sushi
  • Read a new book at a cafe or outside
  • Build new terrariums
  • Get Starbucks free birthday reward
  • Have a wonderful day & be happy

I pretty much accomplished everything on my list. I completed each activity from Wednesday and into the weekend. I had work on my birthday so I could only do so much. I had left work early on my birthday since my usual daily meeting got cancelled so I figured I might as well head home than to sit in crazy traffic if I lingered around the office any longer. First thing I did as soon as I got home was to go to temple. I felt a sense of relief and calmness when I was there. There was no one else, but me. I was in this peaceful place letting go of my thoughts and sending my prayers to my family and friends. Before I had left, I decided to do the fortune sticks just for the hell of it. I had sent my parents a photo of the lot number I got and it was a good one, which was a relief.

When I got home from temple, I relaxed and tried to get some rest but only ended up Facetiming with my close friend. It was refreshing catching up with her. As soon as I hung up, my landlord knocked on my door and handed me a small box. I asked what it was and she’s told me it was my gift. I was really taken back, but grateful by her generosity. I felt so bombarded by her as she forced me to have dinner in the kitchen, popped open a bottle of champagne, and surprised me with a cake. I really wanted to cry because I was overwhelmed by their kindness. I haven’t had a birthday cake in so long. She picked out my favorite candle color which is yellow and turned off the lights only with only that one candle lighting up the room. I was surrounded by my landlord (husband and wife) as well as my roomie and their guests. They sang happy birthday to me and I just didn’t know how to react. I think my mind was still trying to get a grip that any of this was actually happening. I made my wish, blew out the candle and cut the cake. We sat around the kitchen, chatted and had a few good laughs.

I opened my gift from my landlord which was these small bottles of Burberry perfume. Luckily I’m in need of a new perfume, but I opted to keep one in the bunch that I liked and mailed my mom the rest since I wanted to share my gift with her. One of my roomies came into the kitchen with this big box of egg roll cookies. I asked her what she was doing with such a big box of it. She handed to it me and said it’s my birthday gift haha. I laughed so hard. She had said she didn’t know what to get me but knew that I don’t like chocolate. It was very sweet of her. We aren’t close at all, but we are cordial. It was a kind gesture on her end. Plus they’re my favorite cookies growing up. That night I went to bed really happy. I was really relieved that I didn’t have to have a drink or cake by myself again and that I was able to share that with the people in my household.

My friends from home were good to me as always from afar. I got an early birthday card and photo cube from my cousin and friend. They sent me a really funny birthday card that definitely suited me. I had received this two days before my birthday. I came home from an exhausting day of work to a box with my name on it. I was wondering what it was. As soon as I opened it I teared up. I started crying because I miss how silly us three were together and the good times I’ve had with them. At that moment I had wished I could’ve given them a big hug. I texted them saying thank you and these jerks asked if I cried after opening the gift haha.

The next day I had received a book from another close friend. Man she got me good because I was searching online for the book like a crazy person after our discussion about it. I had forgotten about the title of the book, but she remembered and knew it was a book I’ve wanted to read. I was really excited since reading a new book was on my birthday to do list. Once again I teared up and texted thank you to my friend. My friends has officially caught onto how truly of a softy I can be when it comes to sentimental things. That’s when you truly know how I really am.

On Saturday since it was getting really warm in the Bay Area of the weekend, it was a perfect day to go to Treasure Island Flea Market, which is my monthly activity to do. I was excited to bring my new book with me as well as to purchase new succulents for my room. I’ve become someone with somewhat of a green thumb. I find it relaxing to build terrariums. Anyways, as soon as I got to the flea market I headed straight to where the usual vendor I buy the succulents from was located. Her selections gets better and better every time I purchase from her. I’ll post up pics of my terrariums in another post. Considering on adding more stuff to it after it’s now been depotted and arranged. I got kinda cranky while I was there since there was obviously a lot of people. I bought my succulents, got myself lunch from the food truck and found a perfect spot under a tree with a great view of the SF skyline. It was relaxing laying there in the sun and enjoying my lunch and book. I felt at ease with everything again. It’s something I need to do more often again. When I had gotten home I received two more birthday cards. One from another close friend and one from my parents. My parents never send me one and wanted to because they didn’t want me to feel lonely. It was really comforting to hear my mom say that to me.

The weekend before my birthday a fellow Xangan who’s also a San Jose resident and a close friend of mines was really sweet to treat me out to lunch. It was nice to catch up and have that girl time that both her and I need, well probably she needs it more than me haha. But it’s always refreshing to just take a break from life and talk about anything with a close friend. An old coworker of mines had also treated me out to dinner as well. She had asked what I was in the mood for and I said sushi, but then again I can eat sushi probably 3-4 times a week. She made several suggestions and I had approved that we go eat Ethiopian food instead. I’ve never tried it, always heard good things and here was my opportunity to go. The restaurant was split up into two sections; one with regular dining chairs and tables and the other section was more traditional sitting on stools and this small table was the dining table. Of course we opted for the traditional seating area just to really make the best of the experience since it was my first time. The food was amazing! There was beef, chicken and pork in our dish. The restaurant also served this really good Ethiopian honey wine, which is a really sweet white wine. Overall, it was just nice to have those two meals with girl friends. I know I don’t see or speak to them often, but it was just really nice to just hang out like that. Having good meal and engaging in great conversations. I think that temporarily made me feel sane again.

Despite how lonely I felt, it was nice that to be a bit caught off guard with the company I didn’t expect to have on my birthday. Deep down that was something I wanted to include in my birthday to do list: to spend my birthday with some company and to not be alone. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The amount of silence and loneliness that I deal with on a daily basis with just eat away are your mind and your soul. It kills every bit of you and I hate it. For me turning 27 was a big deal. It was another reminder that I’m almost 30, still single, and renting. Granted that I have a great well-paying job and accomplished a lot in my career before 30, that isn’t as fulfilling as I’d like it to be. I want to buy property, settle down, get married and have a family. My close friend had said to me that I shouldn’t be too bummed out about turning 27 whereas she’s turning 30. That comment made me a bit mad and jealous. I kinda snapped at her and said well at least you’ve bought a house and you’re getting married. I wouldn’t mind turning 30 or any age if I had those things in my life. For now I’m really trying my hardest to find my happy and that doesn’t mean a significant other. As mentioned several times I’ve been very unhappy and don’t get me wrong I’m not ungrateful. I feel as if I’ve lost a big piece of myself since moving to Cali and having 2 birthdays gone by. It might not mean anything to anyone, but it’s made a huge impact on me. As for the future birthdays all I’ve always ever wanted is just a birthday card and a Carvel ice cream cake which is my favorite. Nothing fancy.

I’ve said enough. Good night.

Goodbye Home

Tomorrow I’ll be leaving Boston and heading back to Cali. I’ve been so spoiled with great times with my family and friends during my time here. I’m dreading the thought of having to finish packing and going back to Cali. I realized how much I really hate it there. I’m an East Coast girl at heart and I just find it even harder to adjust this time around once I get back. Boston is my home and all my loved ones are here. The other night was my last night hanging out with friends. We went to my usual yet once upon a time favorite bar. Got to see a lot of old faces and there were quite a few surprise faces that came out that night. My friends managed to get me drunk, which is an obligated duty of theirs before you’re gonna send me off back to Cali haha. But they also managed to make me cry.

Throughout the night a few friends were saying really nice things to me such as how they’re so proud of me for doing what I’m doing out there, how I’m a really good person and etc. I was so overwhelmed with the overload of love and support that I started crying. It still makes me tear up as I’m writing this blog entry. They comforted me as I’m burying my face into my hands sobbing and told them how much I don’t want to go back. I told them how scared I was to go back to Cali to the loneliness that I deal with on a daily basis. When you’re so alone every day with no one else but yourself, it has a really big effect on you.

Thinking about having dinner by myself, finding weekend activities to do by myself, remembering how mean and nasty people were to me in Cali, to not be there for my family and friends when we both need each other the most, and etc. … it does a huge number on you. Cali has made me so vulnerable and emotional and I try to not let my family or friends know too much about it because I don’t want them to worry. Everyone understands as to why I’m staying in Cali and I know from afar they’ll continue to support me. I had a feeling I was going to feel like this since it’s my first time visiting home in over a year since I’ve moved. It reminds me of how upset I was when I left a year ago. I sobbed like a baby but I don’t care. I felt so comforted to be surrounded by good friends as they tried to make me stop crying. I left my heart in this city with full of great people. Home is where the heart is and going back to Cali will never be the same. I’m just really homesick and always will be.

Despite how unhappy I am to go back, there were lots of fun highlights of my trip here:

– Annual Thanksgiving Potluck hosted by my close friend and I was the surprise guest

– Celtics vs. Portland Trail Blazers: Unfortunately we lost and it was a semi close game, but at least it was my first time to get on the jumbotron which was awesome lol

– Ate lots of yummy food in Boston. Went to some old favorite places as well as trying a few new places

– Taking the train and walked around Newbury Street and Boylston Street and realizing how beautiful the architecture and the city is

– Bar hopped with good friends and hookah lounge

– Got to see my dog 🙂

– Got asked to be my close friend’s bridesmaid!

– Watched “Theory of Everything” which was a really good movie. Must see!!

– Went to my once old favorite bar and had a blast with friends

– Confessed my love LOL. In reference to my previous post “Missed Opportunity”. Yes, I told my friend and it’s finally off my chest

– Unexpected plans with an ex-boyfriend who is still a good friend of mines. While we hung out it reminded me of how we were when we were younger and for whatever reason I feel like it’ll always be like that with him and I when we see each other.

– Hung out with yet another old flame. That was interesting lol

– Went to visit my 93 year old grandmother who raised me when I was younger. She’s so cute but doesn’t really recognize me which makes me sad but I understand

 

Overall it was a great trip and I got to see a lot of faces that I wanted to see. There were a few that I wasn’t able to see, but there will be a next time. 🙂

That Woman

Baek Ji Young – That Woman (Secret Garden OST)

One woman loves you
That woman loves you wholeheartedly
She follows you around like a shadow everyday
That woman is laughing and crying
 
How much… just how much more?
Do I have to gaze at you like this? alone…
This love that came like the wind
This love that is like a beggar
If I continue this way will you love me? OH~
 
Just a little nearer, come~ a little more~
If I take one step closer to you
You take two steps away
I who love you am still now next to you
That woman is crying
 
That woman’s personality is very timid
Therefore she learned how to smile
What she cannot say so much even to her best friend…
That woman’s heart which is full of tears
So that woman…
When she is loving you the same way
Yet another fool.. yet another fool
Can’t you just hug me before you go? OH~
I want to receive love
Day by day in my heart, only in my heart…
Just like this calling to you.. that woman today also
Is by your side. OH~~
 
That woman is me, do you know?
It’s not that you know it but still act this, no?
You must have not known
Because you´re a big fool~
How much… just how much more?
Do I have to gaze at you like this? alone…
This love that came like the wind
This love that is like a beggar
If I continue this way will you love me? OH~
Just a little nearer, come~ a little more~
If I take one step closer to you
You take two steps away
I who love you am still now next to you
That woman is crying

Heartbreaker

MSTRKRFT feat. John LegendHeartbreaker

Remember when I caught your eye
you gave me rainbows and butterflies
we did enjoy our happiness
when our love was over
I was such a mess

I smiled at you
and you smiled back
that’s when I knew
there’s no turning back
you said you loved me
and I did too
now though it’s over
I still love you

you’re in my mind
you’re in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start

I tried to fight it
I tried so hard
and every day
I pray to god
that you and me were meant to be
but you had another
you had a lover

And now is gone
I don’t know why
I feel like crying
just want to die
I can’t look at you
and you know why
no, I tried so hard
to catch your eye

you’re in my mind
you’re in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start

you’re in my mind
you’re in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start