Not So Happy Friday

Yesterday I got my blood work done and I’m really scared for what my results will be. The night before I kept telling my parents to go light some incense and pray for me. I told my mom to light the entire container of incense and pray hard for me. She laughed as well as I did, but I was serious. I will meet with my doctor next week and as my appointment date gets closer I feel so much anxiety and stress. I keep hoping for good news since I’ve been busting my ass in taking care of my health. I’m getting frustrated with taking my medication and sometimes I get really frustrated with my meals. Not like what I’m eating is entirely terrible but I’m pretty much confined to a eating schedule. It’s annoying, but I’m used to it. I try my best to look on the brighter side of things since I am seeing progress. I’ve lost 10 lbs this month, which is pretty awesome. I work out 5-6 times a week so I better be losing some weight!

Yesterday I also found out that my boss is leaving and his last day is next week. W-T-F? I feel so left in the dark about this news. The worst part is that I will literally be the only designer now. My boss did some design work part time while managing as well. He mentioned to me that we will need to talk about me being the sole designer. My stress level went up even more. I look at both sides of it. It’ll be a great opportunity to step up and lead, but at the same time I want to be with a team of DESIGNERS, not ENGINEERS. It’s really tough and I don’t know if I want to stick around for that battle. My boss is great, extremely supportive and it was refreshing to have that again. This is literally like deja vu when my previous boss at my last job quit. Seriously, c’mon now. I kinda went into panic mode and decided to update my resume immediately which surprisingly didn’t take too long. I’ve transferred my work files to my personal computer and made a list projects from work to add to my portfolio. I guess I’m preparing myself to jump off this boat if I have to. I was browsing at jobs via LinkedIn and elsewhere. Thing is I don’t want to quit and start a new job elsewhere…only to quit again because I want to move out of state. Ugh…I really hope I don’t get fucked over, but I’m keeping my guard up.

With all of these things occurring, I realized that I need to take time off from work. I’m waiting for how my doctor’s appointment will go next week to determine if I should reward myself with mini getaway or not. Mentally I feel stuck and lost…as if something is missing and things aren’t feeling right. I need a break and need to disconnect. For now, I will have to keep it simple and tonight I treated myself to some frozen yogurt, in bed with a sheet mask and ready to binge watch some tv.


Year Four

July 12 marked my 4th year living here. Honestly, I’m surprised I’m still even here. As for my thoughts of living in Cali…it all really remains the same. I find Californians to be extremely flakey and wack as fuck with an exception of like two people. I don’t really care that it’s always sunny which was never a ‘must have’ on my list for why I even moved here. Dating wise, the guys are just as lame and have yet to meet someone to prove me wrong. I know I sound pretty negative but hey it’s all true. Anyways, I’ve done well for myself career rise. There’s growth, but right now I feel like the growth has kinda stopped and maybe I need to venture off to somewhere new. I’m not sure. I’ve noticed I feel so annoyed by continuing to live here. However, I’m just not in a rush to move anywhere yet until I get my health in check. For now I’m hanging in there until I decide what’s my next move.

What Have I Been Up To

I just realized that I haven’t blogged much. I don’t have much to say or to vent about really. I’ve just been sulking in the peace and quiet that I’ve been enjoying a lot and to make up for during the time I was in the hospital. Honestly, there’s really nothing exciting happening in my life. It’s safe to say that I’m a pretty boring old lady haha. Literally all I do is work, gym, stay home, repeat. It’s truly a rarity that my ass goes out socializing. I’ve cut out drinking and some of these social get togethers consists of that and I don’t want to be the odd one out. Granted I don’t mind going just to hang out, but I’d rather just relax at home. I’ve only made a couple of exceptions for when I’ve had a drink (friend moving and wedding), but I limit my alcohol intake and I work it off the next day.

I’ve been heavily focused on my health and getting that in check. I work out 5-6 times a week. I’ve been hauling ass at the gym and making sure I eat extra clean. Honestly, what I’m eating now compared to before hasn’t changed significantly. If anything I’m adding more snacks throughout the day.  This is all in preparation for my next doctor’s appointment at the end of the month. I’m trying to not stress out about the next steps for what will happen, but I’m staying as positive as I can about my results. For now, I’ve been losing 1-2 pounds every week which is pretty awesome. I’ve always struggled with my weight and now “that we’re getting older” my metabolism is going to total shit. To even lose a pound was a such a bitch. I’m not that scared to step on the scale anymore since I’ve been seeing results every week. Don’t worry I’m not starving myself or doing some freak diet. I never did that and will never ever do stupid shit like that to myself. Regardless for what will happen at my upcoming doctor’s appointment, I’m really motivated in reaching my first target weight so I can move onto my second target weight. Generally weekends are my rest days from both work and the gym, but I’ve recently discovered free outdoor yoga on Saturday mornings so I’m excited to check that out this upcoming weekend.

Besides my health, work is alright. Could always be better. Been there for a year now, which I’m surprised how quickly a year flew by. I was chatting with my friend/former colleague about this article that someone at my company wrote. It was actually pretty interesting and I decided to add the author of it on LinkedIn. I wrote a message saying how I shared his article and that it was really good. He quickly accepted my invitation and we started exchanging messages. Really nice guy. He had never heard of me and vice versa. After our brief chat, he decided to create a group on LinkedIn to help other designers within the company to collaborate and sync up. In the group message he gave me a nice honorable mention and shared our brief conversation about how I reached out and whatnot, which was quite flattering. That was a huge confident booster as a designer. I’m really glad that I reached out to him and hope to meet up with him some day.

I’m still going through a closet purge…even though I’ve gotten rid of A LOT of my stuff. It’s like the pile keeps growing and granted I don’t go shopping often. I’ve set aside shoes, clothes, and bags to post on Poshmark since I had successful sales in the past and decided to give it another go. However I’ve realized that people are even stingier than ever on that damn thing. I’m getting impatient and constantly having to see the pile of items that I’m waiting to sell is annoying me. So I’ve ordered another ‘clean out kit’ from ThredUp and going to fill up that bag just to get that crap out of my room. Out of sight, out of mind! It causes me a bit of anxiety every time I have to look at the pile as weird as it may sound.

I haven’t been to the movies in a long time, but saw Wonder Woman with some friends. Highly recommend watching it. It’s definitely one of my new favorite movies. I’ve seen it now 4 times. As for the new Transformers movie…it sucks. Michael Bay fucked up lol. The storyline was terrible. Some of the cast were really annoying. The robot fighting wasn’t that impressive. Ugh…so disappointing.

Overall I’m in good spirits and I’m doing fine. Anyways, time for bed. Good night! 🙂