I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time and realized that I’m becoming a bit comfortable with certain things and I don’t like it. I want to get out of this comfort zone. I’m really craving for change in my life and maybe it’s time to say goodbye to California. It’s been a lingering thought for quite some time and just not sure how to go about the changes that I want to make. I mean I know what I need to do, but I want instant gratification. I wish I could literally just leave like right now. However, the idea of moving anywhere isn’t on the top of my list of priorities at the moment. I have to get my health in better condition before I can even think about moving. It sucks but I have great doctors and medical help right now. To have to look for a new doctor in a new place already sounds like a pain in the ass.

Sometimes I go back and forth with staying in California or moving out of state. I think of the pros and cons and ughhh…so many decisions! Might stay for another year or 2 and then leave. Who knows? My living situation is great and I work a great job, which I’m sure they wouldn’t mind me relocating elsewhere. I got very lucky in those situations and I feel like I’ve done well enough in my career so far that I’m ready to explore elsewhere. As for my social life, I’ve made a few friends here and then there’s a couple of Boston transplants from home that I see here and there. If I move again, I’m scared of being lonely. Sounds stupid but I think I’m still a bit traumatized when I first moved to Cali and how incredibly shitty people here were to me. I don’t know if I’m mentally and emotionally ready to deal with that kind of crap again.

Despite having a great job and whatnot, I just don’t feel so happy with my location. I’m just kinda over the things here. It’s been nearly 4 years since I’ve been here. That’s kind of a big deal for me to stay put in one place for that long. Back in Boston I moved around a lot and I didn’t mind. I need a change of scenery and perhaps the good old Pacific Northwest is calling my name. For now, I’m just frustrated with myself and I want to get my health in a better already. I know there’s progress and this is a journey for me, but hurry the fuck up already! My health comes first before anything else and I just want to kick the shit out of this disease. I shouldn’t let this be a set back for me, but unfortunately it is.

I want to start over and be happy again.


3 thoughts on “Stuck

  1. There is a while I do not hear from you Connie .
    What disease are you suffering from ?
    It looks like you are in the incertainty and this is not good for the health Please DECIDE!
    Love ❤

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