Lately I’ve felt a bit conflicted about the idea of commitment. I see my friends settling down with their significant others, moving in together, buying a home, having babies, etc. I’m happy for them and at times I wish I can have that in my life, but I kinda sorta don’t want it. My friends that have kids are literally on lock down and don’t live a life where their schedule was once much more flexible. I’m not saying kids are a burden by any means. There’s just a shift in priorities that’s all. My close friend who is married is attached to the hip of her husband. You jump and ask how high kinda deal.
When I imagine myself in their shoes whether it’s to be moving in with a significant other, having a kid or getting married, it all freaks me the fuck out. Not like I don’t want any of those in the future. With the way that I’m currently living my life, I enjoy it too much. I value my freedom and my independence. I don’t think it’s selfish of me to feel this way. I really don’t want my hands tied and I like not having to answer to anyone. If I want to travel somewhere or go to a concert, I can just go. I don’t have to inform anyone of what I’m doing because I’m on my own agenda. What triggered all of this the most was hearing friends saying “I wish I got to do this and that” before I got married/had kids/was still single.
I’m just heavily focused on me and figuring out what I want.