As the date got closer for my trip back to Boston, my stress and anxiety went up a lot. I’ve been working out 5 days a week to relieve this stress. I’m scared of going home to reality. Today I had a follow up appointment on the progress of my health. Good news is that I’m doing well. Bad news is that I need another medical procedure done when I return from Boston. I know what to expect but to go through it by myself is what I’m more afraid of instead of the pain. I took work off today because I was just a total emotional mess. I just laid in bed and tried to sleep off the emotions.
At the airport as I sat by the window and stared out aimlessly while waiting to board, I felt so much anxiety and was trying to hold back the tears. I was trying my best to calm myself down. My old work mom gave me a call and cue the waterworks. I started crying and venting to her. I was overwhelmed with everything and I continue to struggle yet try to figure out how to cope the best way possible.
Perhaps this really is a good time for me to return home to be with my family and friends. Honestly I just want a big hug from them to comfort me and to push aside the fears that I’ve kept to myself. When will I be okay again? When will my mom be okay again?