Today I felt pretty down. No, not because it’s Valentine’s Day and that kinda shenanigans. I thought about EVERYTHING. I just felt bad for myself and for the series of events that has damaged me. I spent most of the day working remotely at one of my favorite local coffee shops. It’s usually my go to place to relax and to get things off of my mind as well as be productive when it comes to work. But oddly, I just felt so low and sad. Nothing happened to have triggered those feelings. That’s the thing. NOTHING HAPPENED. The only thing that happened was to have these lingering thoughts of the hell I went through last year.
As I was laying in bed amongst total darkness and silence, I thought to myself that I really need to change my life. I realized that I don’t ever want to sit at that coffee shop feeling that way ever again. I will not have this bullshit pity party for myself. If this was happening to my friend, I’d be pretty harsh and tell them to snap out of it. Yet I fail to take my own advice like we all do. I’m better than that.
Life has thrown some crazy shit at me last year and I’m still recovering from it. Recovering from it all is one thing and I know it’s a day by day thing. I just don’t want to waste a day feeling bad anymore. I don’t think any of this really makes any sense but I need to feel okay again. I crave for that feeling of being 100% okay again. Even if I can get to 50%, at least that’s progress. Despite the black cloud that has constantly hovered over me, I’m ready to take the right steps to change my life for the better.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Good night.