Refreshing Acquaintance

I had recently gone to Portland for the first time, which I might blog about it when I get the chance. During my last day in Portland, I decided to go to the Japanese Garden regardless if it rained or not. That morning when I woke up, I noticed that it was bright in sunny so I quickly got ready for breakfast so I could beat the rain. Well that failed. After I finished my breakfast at a restaurant near my hotel, I started pouring. I just sucked it up and requested an Uber anyways. A little rain wouldn’t hurt and plus I really wanted to walk off the breakfast that I had.

When I had arrived to the Japanese Garden, the rain had died down a bit which I was happy about so I could take pictures with my camera. I took my time walking through the place since I wasn’t in a rush to go anywhere. I really wanted to get familiar with my new camera and make more use of it while I was there. There were moments that I’d have to sit down because it was either raining again or I was just tired. During the moments that I was sitting down, I’d go through the pictures that I had just taken to see if I liked the shot or not and take advantage of retaking any photos if I had to.

As I was reaching towards the end of the garden and taking some final photos of this one spot in the garden, I decided to take a seat on a bench under this structure. While sitting there I was just enjoying the view while browsing through my camera. At one point I looked up and noticed this guy was taking a photo of the structure where I was sitting under. I felt a bit awkward being in this guy’s photo, but I really didn’t care enough to get up and move haha. I continued going through my camera and noticed he was going to sit next to me. He asked if it was okay and I said sure. As I was looking like a total hot ass mess with my hair that got frizzy and gross from the rain, he said something to me. Honestly can’t recall what he said, but we started chatting. I learned it was both our first time in Portland and he was also from SJ, so that was cool.

He continued to make his way through the garden and I decided to head towards the gift shop. While I was dorking it up in the gift shop and debating on the items that I was about to purchase, came walking in that guy. We chatted again and I introduced myself to him since we were bumping into each other again. He walked out again and I decided it was time to leave since I really wanted some coffee. When I made my way down the exit, he got there the same time as me and noticed that I was about to request an Uber and offered me a ride since we were headed towards the same direction. Rule of thumb is to never take a ride from a stranger. Well I kinda said fuck it, and accepted his offer lol. Plus I thought to myself that I could totally kick his ass if he tried something and he genuinely seemed harmless so whatever.

As we chatted, he had asked if I was traveling alone and I was as well as himself. We were getting to know each other a bit and we were both planning to go to this arcade bar later that night too. As my destination was approaching and I was about to get out of the car, I gave him my business card to hit me up so I can buy him a drink in order to thank him for the ride. Hours went by and I had finished grabbing dinner. Still no word from him about meeting up or anything. Also, I’m an idiot that failed to get his contact info since I was really tired and wanted to get out of the car to get that coffee lol. I didn’t really care to go to this spot, but it was extremely close to my hotel and no harm in getting out for just a bit. When I walked in, I checked out the place and what games were there. I was making my way up the stairs to continue checking out the place and suddenly I felt a tap on my arm. It was him making his way down. I honestly didn’t expect to run into him at all.

We walked down and chatted. I didn’t bring it up that he didn’t hit me up because it wasn’t a big deal. I told him I only came to play Street Fighter, which is my all time favorite game. I can talk a lot of shit about how wonderful my skills are in this game aka press all of the buttons haha, so he told me to challenge the guy that was currently playing. I felt a bit embarrassed if I made myself look like an ass, but it’s literally just a game. I played the guy and it was really fun. Turns out I kicked his ass 4 times and stole his quarters, too haha. After I was done playing with that stranger, he wanted to play me…only for me to get my ass kicked by him. Sighs haha.

I didn’t care to stick around much longer and same for him since he was there for awhile. I asked him if he wanted the drink that I owe him, but he had to get up early the next day to drive back to SJ. I was more alert and got his contact info after he mentioned he has mines to hit me up for a drink back in SJ. After stepping outside, he offered to walk me back to my hotel which was really nice of him. We had a nice chat during the very brief walk back to my hotel. When we arrived, I thanked him and we parted ways. While on my flight back to SJ, I was pleasantly surprised to see that he texted me to let me know that he was back home and checked to see if I was back yet. That put a smile on my face. Since returning to SJ, he’s been texting me and we’ve been chatting everyday.

I’m not expecting anything to happen between us whether it’s just a friendship or more. I enjoyed his brief company during my travels and our text messages. It was just refreshing to meet an actual nice guy for once that wasn’t looking to just fuck me or yet alone meeting someone at a bar or something. I was just this disheveled looking girl going through her camera and minding her business.  Anyways, nothing like getting hit on in mother nature though haha. There was something about that Portland air. 🙂



Today I felt pretty down. No, not because it’s Valentine’s Day and that kinda shenanigans. I thought about EVERYTHING. I just felt bad for myself and for the series of events that has damaged me. I spent most of the day working remotely at one of my favorite local coffee shops. It’s usually my go to place to relax and to get things off of my mind as well as be productive when it comes to work. But oddly, I just felt so low and sad. Nothing happened to have triggered those feelings. That’s the thing. NOTHING HAPPENED. The only thing that happened was to have these lingering thoughts of the hell I went through last year.

As I was laying in bed amongst total darkness and silence, I thought to myself that I really need to change my life. I realized that I don’t ever want to sit at that coffee shop feeling that way ever again. I will not have this bullshit pity party for myself. If this was happening to my friend, I’d be pretty harsh and tell them to snap out of it. Yet I fail to take my own advice like we all do. I’m better than that.

Life has thrown some crazy shit at me last year and I’m still recovering from it. Recovering from it all is one thing and I know it’s a day by day thing. I just don’t want to waste a day feeling bad anymore. I don’t think any of this really makes any sense but I need to feel okay again. I crave for that feeling of being 100% okay again. Even if I can get to 50%, at least that’s progress. Despite the black cloud that has constantly hovered over me, I’m ready to take the right steps to change my life for the better.

Tomorrow will be a better day.  Good night.

Sick and Homesick

I’ve been sick this past week and it was pretty bad. My whole body was achey, I was nauseous, extremely congested, etc. Pretty much in physical hell. No bueno at all. Of course I can only fend for myself and don’t have anyone to help. I had dragged myself into the office the other day and my colleagues asked how I was feeling. The part that got to me was how they were saying I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself if I was sick all by myself. I just said to them that it’s really not that bad, but the stubborn part of me didn’t want to confess to them that during moments like this I wish I had help. Since being sick and like most parents knowing that you’re sick, they’ve been pretty worried about me. We video chat and call each other so I can update them on how I’m feeling. My parents will call throughout the day to make sure that I am well and I appreciate it. I’m getting better, but just need to get some rest. I wish I was able to have some homemade soup by my mom though.

Last month I had scheduled to have flowers sent to my mom for Valentine’s Day. Every year I send her a bouquet for Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and her birthday, which is basically almost every 2 months. I don’t mind and I know she loves it, even though she curses me out for “wasting” money. Oh well. Today she received her flowers since I thought it’d be a nice way for her to kick off the weekend, even though she works literally every single day. My dad texted me a picture of her standing next to her bouquet. She looked so cute and the flowers looked nice. As I kept staring at the picture, I got really emotional. I really miss her (and my dad, too). I wish I could be back there to help her and take care of her. I think the biggest thing that got me emotional is knowing that I’ll be back home next month to take her to her follow up doctor’s appointment. It really freaks me the fuck out to go to these things with her and I’m sure she feels a million times worst than I do about going. I’m just glad that my job offers such amazing flexibility for me to go home when I want to be there for her during these visits to the doctor’s.

For now I really have to take better care of myself so I can take care of my mom when I go home. I’m just a cry baby right now that misses my parents terribly.

The Little Things

I’m going through this weird down moment and it’s been a bit of a struggle for me to snap myself out of it. I just don’t feel like myself and all I want to do is sleep all day in bed. BLAH!!! I remember Thursday night I was really down and had a hard time going to sleep. With the little hours of sleep that I managed to get, I already felt so frustrated with myself because I knew I wouldn’t be as productive since I was really tired. Before I got out of bed, I did my usual routine in bed of checking my emails and browsing through Twitter.

I had checked Instagram since I saw a notification and noticed that my friend sent me a message. I had met B a couple years ago when I had first moved here. Really friendly and talented guy. This guy has a really awesome voice and can play multiple instruments. I remember he had invited me to this open mic night and this guy was legit a one man band with singing, playing the trumpet, keyboard, and I forget what else. It was really impressive, plus he teaches at a music school. So, there was this one time where he had asked to borrow my DSLR and I was cringing so bad to even consider letting him borrow it for a video shoot. The video shoot had featured the students that he was teaching and they have a band and waned to shoot a music video.

After all of his begging and pleading, I gave in. Plus, I kinda felt like a jerk if I was the person preventing the kids from shooting a music video. He was very careful with it and returned it in a timely manner. I got to see the final product and even got mentioned in the video which was pretty cool. Since then I hardly ever see him and we tend to run into each other randomly especially at coffee shops when I’m doing work or reading. I had woken up to this message from him and honestly, it really made the start of my day really good:


For as long as I’ve been a designer, one of my goals is to try my best to inspire and motivate others. I share design related articles about collaboration or whatever is happening in the design scene, handy assets that other designers can use in their work, etc. I know how hard it was for me to get that drive much earlier on in my career and I was hungry to connect with other designers. I’ve always been very humble since I had struggled and worked so hard to get myself to where I am at now.

This message just really meant a lot to me especially during this design funk that I’m in right now. I’m glad that I was able to help B out and to have made an impact. That is just one of the most rewarding things in life and it just reassures me that I am doing something right as a designer and person. During my days like today where I feel like “I suck”, I just read this message to cheer myself up. Sometimes we just need to be told that we’re awesome.

Good Day

I was still feeling a bit low after writing my previous post about my career. Today was kind of a rough day at work. I just felt so incapable and I felt my confidence as a designer decreasing. After my meeting, I found myself sitting at my desk at home with my face in my palms and I started crying. I felt so frustrated with myself. I’m just being hard on myself because I know I can do better and I can’t pull myself out of this “design funk”.

Luckily tonight I had plans to go to SF to grab drinks with an old colleague, TN from my previous team. It was definitely much needed time to get out and get some much needed drinks. We didn’t get to go to the usual bar that my old team loves for my birthday, which is this Japanese whisky lounge. Man, if they built a bedroom at this place I’d totally live there. It’s a pretty chill and laid back place. Great whisky selection, fresh sashimi, and I love their music selection. This place is literally my drunken sanctuary haha.

Prior to meeting up with TN I decided to grab some food from this good Mexican spot near my old job. Since I didn’t have time to grab lunch earlier that day and I had got to SF quite early, I figured I should eat something legit especially if I’m going to drink. I used to get the fish and chip burrito at this spot and YES, I said fish and chip burrito! It’s so yummy, but damn I feel like I’d have to spend a whole day at the gym to work that off. I opted for something light and quick (that’s what she said haha), so I got the fish taco and a shrimp taco. As I waited while sipping on my water and snacking on the free chips and salsa, I didn’t realize my TWO simple tacos was taking awhile. The staff took notice and turned out the newbie that was in training forgot my order. They put my order in immediately and also refunded me my money. I told them that I wasn’t mad and it was okay, but they felt bad for making me wait so it was the least they could do. YAY TO FREE TACOS!

Finally got to their bar and caught up with TN. We share similar music interests. When we used to work together we used to constantly share songs with each other on Spotify. Now, not as often but here and there we’ll share something. We both really enjoy this singer name Alina Baraz. I LOVE her music. Both of us failed to go to her show the last time she was in SF and she happened to be performing down the street from my old job. Tonight, he told me that Alina Baraz is coming to SF and I’m like “what?!!!”. I immediately looked up the tickets on my phone and decided to just deal with it when I got home. I noticed that tickets were sold out. Originally tickets were $20, but I’m the nut case that paid a little more, but whatever. She’s worth it and I’m happy with my spontaneous purchase. Can’t wait to see her perform!

Overall, a semi bad day turned good. I feel much better after I got myself out of the house and having all those things happen. I’m still giddy from those little things. 🙂