Mess

Lately life has felt like a giant mess. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster ride that goes at a different pace whenever it feels like it and my eyes are closed because I’m scared. I’ve been through a lot of emotional distress from my last job and I try to take it one day at a time to get through it all. Of course during this healing process it’s definitely not easy. A few weeks ago an incident had occurred and I had a really bad anxiety attack. I’ve been trying my hardest to not think about it and I didn’t tell anyone except for LY. I tried to keep things moving and the following week later, shit happens again.

This news was probably the most hurtful out of everything that has been going on with me during this past year. I feel so heartbroken, fooled and betrayed and the worst part it was from my parents that caused all of this hurt. I don’t want to get into details about it because it’s still a lot for me to absorb. I’m trying to snap myself out of this. It’s been hard for me to sleep or to even focus on my work. I didn’t want to do anything but to just stay at home with peace and quiet. I just wanted to sleep all day because it hurt me more to be awake and feeling this way. I feel like I keep waking up to this nightmare and the wound just gets deeper everyday as if someone is just pouring alcohol and salt all over it. It fucking sucks.

I feel so alone and I keep asking myself why all of this is happening? I feel like everything is falling apart and I can’t fix any of it, which only makes me feel worst. I am an absolute mess and I need to get myself back together.

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