My sleeping problems over the past 2 weeks has gotten worst. I was able to sleep early at like 10pm, but now I can’t fall asleep until 3am. It honestly sucks. I am one of those people that can be constantly looking at their calendars on their phone. While I make sure I’m attending meetings on time, penciling in time for friends or attending design/techie events, I’ve been in denial about the remainder of my time at my current job. When I looked at my calendar yesterday and seeing June 1, my heart kinda sank. I pretty much have until the end of this month. Granted I’ve been lucky to have interviewed so quickly and with so many potential employers, I should be happy that I’ve been able to have these conversations and people are interested in me. There’s something better out there for me as well as for the rest of my team. Yet I find myself to be so heartbroken by what’s been going on at work. I’ve grown overly attached to my team during my 2 years. They’ve become great friends to me and it truly pains me to see my team unhappy.
Last Wednesday was the ultimate shit show. It’s one thing that my POS manager treats me like shit, but to see her doing it to someone else on my team makes me really angry and upset. I find it all so disturbing as to how she went about firing/laying off my colleague/friend that I’ve worked very close with since day 1 when I joined the team. Not only has he been great to work with and is extremely talented, but I gained an awesome friend and mentor throughout my time there. The POS didn’t even have a legitimate reason to let the guy go and handled the situation in such a sloppy manner. I thought the things that she had done to me was pretty low, but I guess not. When POS and I had a discussion later the day last week, she asked how I felt. I straight up told her if she was really a manager she would have a bit more integrity in handling things and not be so damn petty. Honestly, shame on her.
Last week I started clearing out my desk. I started with taking home my collection of design books. Yesterday I took the rest of my things like my mug, some tea, umbrella, some postcards I decorated my desk with, etc. I guess at that point clearing all of that off you can tell I was really not coming back. I felt really sad looking at that bare desk and all the hours I’ve spent there working and collaborating with my team. Not only does it pain me that I won’t be moving forward with this team, but to see/know that they’re all kinda stuck. Yeah, they can quit and leave but it’s not that easy. I spoke with my work mom yesterday and while we got pedicures after work for her birthday, I told her how heartbroken I’ve been with the circumstances. Our team has grown together and been through a lot. We’ve all been very supportive towards each other and it makes me really sad to not have that anymore. I know we’ll all be in touch but it makes me really unhappy that I won’t be working with this talented crew. It fucking sucks.
It’s been hard for me to focus on my work since I’m very unmotivated right now with the shit show that’s been going on. Professionally, I’m having a very hard time with things. It doesn’t help with the email that POS sent to me this afternoon in regards to me clearing out my desk. She wanted to check in with me and would like me to give a 2 week notice. Um, how about no and fuck you? Also, she wanted to know how and when to announce to my team about me leaving. Um, you dumb bitch…they already know. I simply told her that she can do whatever she wants with that news and I don’t care if we do something or not for me. I told her my biggest concern right now that with all of the chaos happening with our team as well as the organization, I’d like the team to continue staying focused on the work and to continuing delivering kick ass design work. I don’t want to contribute to the distractions that’s been going on at work. Reading her email and having to respond to it made me really upset. I found myself sitting at my desk at home, crying hysterically into my palms. I’m unhappy that my hard work isn’t acknowledged and I can’t move forward with this team anymore. It’s really disappointing to see what damage the POS has done to the team.
As much as this all hurts, I know I will move onto bigger and better things. I can only continue to hope for happier days not only for myself, but for the rest of my team as well…