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Monthly Archives: June 2016

As happy as I am about my new job, I thought I’d feel a bit more relieved after giving my POS manager my 2 week notice. Well, not really. It didn’t really hit me until I sent out my goodbye email to my colleagues this evening. I felt a little sad, but I was still okay…until people started replying to the email. As I was going about the rest of my evening, the replies kept on coming and I just lost it when I got home. The replies that I was getting were quite unexpected for me seeing people’s reactions to my departure. I found myself crying with face into the palm. I feel really heartbroken about leaving. I wish I could bring all of my colleagues with me. They’re all just really good people.

I’ll get over this. For now, it just really hurts and I’m very sad about all of this.

I’ve been aggressively applying to jobs ever since last month when I had completed updating my portfolio and resume. I’ve yet again overworked myself from applying to jobs and trying to make shit happen. It’s been so hard for me to continue biting my tongue at my current job and I’m just very lucky that I’ve had a lot of great and quick turn arounds and feedback from potential employers. I had at least 3-6 calls every week. Last Thursday I had 4 phone interviews. I remember going crazy trying to figure out my availability while looking at my calendar.

Meet Company A. I first spoke with the recruiter from there, then the hiring manager and then a designer. After having a great interviews with them, they had me complete a design challenge. I was kinda nervous since I wasn’t sure what to expect and I’ve never had to do one before. It’s essentially a way for the employer to see how you solve problems. My options was to figure out how to design an ATM for kids or design a texting app for a car dashboard. I opted for the latter. I was essentially up against some other girl and was told that we were similar, but after hearing that I knew how badly I wanted to stand out.

I worked all day last weekend and even up until 4AM. There went my weekend, but I wanted the job badly and plus I wanted to kick this other candidate’s ass with my skills haha. I did a shit ton of research, lots of prototyping, wireframes, visual designs, iconography, created a color palette, typeface selections, etc. I was gonna go crazy from all of the browser tabs that I had opened during my research. I had used InVision to organize this “project” and had things laid out nicely. I was hoping to get feedback from my friend/colleague who I worked very closely with and looked up to him as a mentor during my time at the company, but I was anxious and impatient since he failed to get back to my ASAP. It was due that following Monday and I really needed to send it out. So I just said fuck it and was really nervous and stressed out after I hit send. I had shared it with my team of what my design challenge looked like and they were impressed with how much I managed to churn out in 2 days. I was only suppose to spend 6 hours on this, but nope haha. I got great feedback from them and said that I definitely over delivered, whereas I felt like I didn’t provide enough. I remember panicking and throwing in more sketches to make it look/feel more complete.

After a couple days went by the recruiter finally gave me an update to tell me that the hiring manager and the designer were both impressed by my work. She was gonna give me more updates after meeting with them. While I was playing this waiting game, company B came along and reached out to me. The recruiter from there told me that the hiring manager really liked my portfolio and wanted to speak with me. I had a phone interview set up and it went really well. The next steps would be a 3-4 hour on site interview to meet the team and whatnot. After that they would make their decision. I found out pretty quickly that they really wanted to meet with me so I was in the works of scheduling something with them. As I was trying to schedule something with them I felt guilty in an odd way as I was still waiting for a response from company A. It got super nerve wracking.

When I had submitted my availability to company B, the recruiter from company A called me right afterwards. I thought to myself “FUCK!!!!!!” lol. She asked me if I was meeting with any other companies and whatnot. I was very straight forward and told her how company B is trying to pursue me and it would happen early next week. Instantly she wanted to figure out how to persuade me from meeting with company B.I  mentioned to her how both companies are great and I had felt so conflicted as to which direction to go. I told her how I thought a lot about the pros and cons to each company, but there were too many pros from both companies which made it harder on me. From there we started talking numbers. I gave her a good range and told her what I wanted in order to get me fully onboard. I ended the call with telling her that speaking with her made me feel better and it’ll give me some more time to think about things.

Company B emailed me this morning to reschedule our in person meeting and what’s another available date/time. I ignored the email since Company A said that they will call me in the morning. I think in that moment I realized I need to move forward with Company A if they gave me an offer. After I had dropped off my car to be serviced and getting home this morning, Company A finally called. She went straight into telling me they had an offer for me and I took down notes of what it all entailed. I immediately accepted. I would’ve been the world’s biggest dumbass if I passed up on the offer. I definitely got a bit more than what I asked for, which I really cannot complain. I told her I would gladly accept and how I ignored Company B’s email to reschedule with me. She was really happy and relieved to hear that. She told me how happy the hiring manager would be about the news. She mentioned how even though that other candidate was good, the hiring manager reallyyy wanted me instead. He not only loved my work, but my personality as well and granted I haven’t met any of these people in person lol.

While Company A was telling me the details of my offer, I started tearing up. I was so happy that after all of that hard work I fucking finally made it. No more bullshit, no more micromanaging, no more emotional abuse at work anymore. I felt a huge amount of weight lifted off of my shoulders and it felt awesome. As soon as I got off of the phone I called my mom to share the news. I had spoken to her 30 minutes before Company A called me to wish her a happy birthday and asked if she had received the flowers that I had sent. Calling her back with news about my new job made her extra happy on her special day. That made me tear up even more just because I’ve proven to my parents that I can handle it and there was nothing to worry about. I really kept my word on that one. After speaking with my parents I shared the news with my team since they’ve known about my interview process and job search. I continued passing along the good news to my close friends. They were all happy for me and I am forever grateful for their kindness and support for the hell that I’ve been through the past 5 months at my job.

I immediately thought about when my last day should be and scheduled a meeting with my POS manager’s new boss that she reports to. She pretty much got passed along to another manager that I know who is neutral with me. I immediately emailed her asking to schedule a meeting since I had some “important” things to discuss with her. I plan on sharing the things that my POS manager has said and done to me for the past 5 months. I’ve documented and took down notes of everything. There’s a legit timeline of what this fucking asshole has done to me EVERY WEEK. I don’t care if she gets fired or whatever the fuck happens to her, but I just need to get all of it off of my chest before I leave.

I am still overwhelmed with so much happiness and happy tears, too. It truly has been a struggle in this industry over the years and I’m finally making it. One of my close friends AC that I spoke with today said she admired my dedication that I put into my work and that made me tear up. I am very passionate about what I do. I am at the peak of my career and it really can’t get any better than this. I’m still in shock that I’m going to be making six figures. I can’t wrap my mind around that still. I am grateful for the hiring manager to give me this awesome opportunity. I remember during my phone interview with him I had told him he reminded me a lot of my previous manager that had hired me at my current company. How similar their personalities, values and sense of humor were felt so comforting. I remember that morning was bad because my POS manager said some shitty things to me before my phone interview. After that interview, I felt like this guy gave me hope that there is a great opportunity out there for me and someone is willing to give me the time of day yet alone a chance to prove to them that I can do the job. It all feels so surreal that I am gonna be going off to another great position. I was getting stressed out for how long it could potentially take me to find another job.

Anyways, it really feels so good especially to feel this genuinely happy again. It was a very happy Friday.

Back in April as I was working from home on a Friday afternoon, I texted my close friend, KH to see how she was doing and to quickly catch up since we both have polar opposite schedules. Out of nowhere she asked how far Phoenix is from me and I asked her why. She shared a link to me about this lantern release festival that was happening there and wanted to go. I asked her how long she was thinking about going for and after that we both coordinated our schedules and booked our flights haha. It was a pretty spontaneous thing, which I didn’t mind at all. One minute I’m checking emails, next minute I’m booking a trip in 3 weeks haha. Work has bogged my down far enough that I was in need of a quick trip out of town. I was already contemplating on visiting Seattle again, but I’m glad I didn’t get too far with planning that. I was excited to see KH and to have some much needed girl time. Plus it was her birthday when I see her so it was nice to treat her while I can instead of sending a card and gifts.

For whatever reason throughout the trip, we were listening to a lot of country music lol. I’m not a big country music kinda gal, but it’s alright. Everywhere that we were driving to like from Sedona and to the Lantern Fest, we were playing loud country music haha. It was entertaining how much of a shift in our taste in music has happened as we’ve gotten older. Going from hip hop to country…hmmm. Although the music seemed appropriate with our surroundings of dessert and cactus. The entire trip felt like a road trip and I miss doing things like that with friends back home. People here suck and aren’t down for shit like that. Lame. I’m just glad I got to do that with a close friend.

After an hour driving south of Phoenix, we finally got to the Lantern Fest. There were a ton of families and kids. Once we checked in, we got our paper lantern and a box filled with a s’mores kit along with a wooden stick to roast the marshmallows, a lighter and a Sharpie for you to write on the lantern. We walked around to see what else was happening at the event and there wasn’t much besides food vendors and live music. We were kinda out in the middle of nowhere so yeah…haha. Since I like to be extra prepared for any situation, I packed blankets for us to sit down on along with snacks and water. There were lots of tiki torches and communal fire pits everywhere. Our goal was to not sit too close to families and screaming children since we were trying to enjoy our beer lol. Luckily we found a spot next to this guy and girl that looked close in age to us. They looked like they had the same thing in mind with where they sat. We sat with them and soon enough they were our homies for the night. Really nice people and the two of them were having a little reunion themselves.

While we were waiting for the sun to go down and sipping on oh so many beers, I got pretty tan. It was just this waiting game for the sun to go down. Once it got dark enough to start preparing our lanterns for take off, we were writing on the lanterns and decorating them. I wrote my wish right before I went to light it and who knows if it’ll come true, but still not gonna share what it was. 🙂 A lot of people managed to quickly get there’s lit and released. They’re such a pain in the ass to light up. I had to have like 2-3 other people help me haha. When KH and I tried to light and release ours, we were pretty embarrassing. While everyone else was having this magical moment letting go of theirs, KH and I almost started a fire lol. Of course stupid shit happens when you put us together so I’m not surprised that happened haha. It was pretty funny. Right before I lit mines, I was just in a total daze admiring all of the lanterns floating away. It was the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen. Something about seeing the lanterns float away and the campfire made that moment feel so intimate. I would love to go to this event again, but perhaps in another state. KH and I thought it would be a fun thing where this could be our thing where we have our little reunions at Lantern Fest but in a different location. I think the one in Alaska would be fun to check out.

Highly suggest to check this out. It was awesome. 🙂

http://www.thelanternfest.com/

Last month I was talking to this guy R. I was a bit iffy about him because he is a year younger than me. Not a drastic age gap at all, but I’ve always had a thing with not dating someone my age or younger. In the past I’ve dated 2 guys that were younger than me, and yeah…no bueno! So when R came along I wasn’t that thrilled but gave him a chance instead of being this “ageist”. Conversations were as expected from talking to someone younger than me, but gradually things got a little bit better as we got to know each other. He went from a 2 to a 5 on my scale out of 10.

With the craziness at work and I really hate to use the “work card” as an excuse, but for real I had a lot on my plate. I valued my sleep more than talking to R lol. I know it sounds mean but if you don’t want me to be grumpy and mean, then let a girl catch a break and rest. Our conversations were getting really boring anyways. Constantly asking me the same shit on a different day. I just didn’t want to participate in that kind of conversation if you already know the answer, ya know? Our schedules conflicted as well, which made it hard for us to hang out. Over that brief phase I was getting bored with R and got totally turned off by something that he said, which definitely added to my lack of interest in him.

I said something back to him and he just took it as a joke. At that moment, I started ignoring his text messages. Laugh at that fucker. I don’t play like that. He followed up with a text message after trying to laugh the conversation off. From my end, no response. The next day another message. Nothing from me. Then another day. Still nothing from me. Then YET AGAIN another day, still the same shit. You’re clearly an idiot if you’re not getting the picture already. I was very straight forward in my last response to him before I started ignoring him. It just became so laughable how he kept texting me everyday and practically talking to himself. Honestly, I don’t give a fuck.

I told my close girlfriend about this and she thought I was being mean and to give this guy a chance because he could be a “good guy”. I disagreed. If he wasn’t being a jackass and was more mature, I wouldn’t be this way so too bad haha. I explained to her how he could potentially be a good guy for me, but I don’t have the time to deal with someone else’s emotions. Shit, I can barely get a grip onto mines with the stress that I’ve been dealing with. At a point before I started ignoring him, I did feel like I was stringing him along and I felt bad. For what? I honestly don’t know. Maybe to have some company because things has been so hard for me and it’s been lonely dealing with it all on my own. Maybe I just needed someone to talk to that wasn’t just one of my friends. Whatever it was, I’m okay with ending communications with R. I was actually going to bring this up to him when we last talked, but too late.

I don’t feel like this was a loss for me at all, but when I’m being firm about something don’t take it lightly. I just really don’t play that bullshit.

My sleeping problems over the past 2 weeks has gotten worst. I was able to sleep early at like 10pm, but now I can’t fall asleep until 3am. It honestly sucks. I am one of those people that can be constantly looking at their calendars on their phone. While I make sure I’m attending meetings on time, penciling in time for friends or attending design/techie events, I’ve been in denial about the remainder of my time at my current job. When I looked at my calendar yesterday and seeing June 1, my heart kinda sank. I pretty much have until the end of this month. Granted I’ve been lucky to have interviewed so quickly and with so many potential employers, I should be happy that I’ve been able to have these conversations and people are interested in me. There’s something better out there for me as well as for the rest of my team. Yet I find myself to be so heartbroken by what’s been going on at work. I’ve grown overly attached to my team during my 2 years. They’ve become great friends to me and it truly pains me to see my team unhappy.

Last Wednesday was the ultimate shit show. It’s one thing that my POS manager treats me like shit, but to see her doing it to someone else on my team makes me really angry and upset. I find it all so disturbing as to how she went about firing/laying off my colleague/friend that I’ve worked very close with since day 1 when I joined the team. Not only has he been great to work with and is extremely talented, but I gained an awesome friend and mentor throughout my time there. The POS didn’t even have a legitimate reason to let the guy go and handled the situation in such a sloppy manner. I thought the things that she had done to me was pretty low, but I guess not. When POS and I had a discussion later the day last week, she asked how I felt. I straight up told her if she was really a manager she would have a bit more integrity in handling things and not be so damn petty. Honestly, shame on her.

Last week I started clearing out my desk. I started with taking home my collection of design books. Yesterday I took the rest of my things like my mug, some tea, umbrella, some postcards I decorated my desk with, etc. I guess at that point clearing all of that off you can tell I was really not coming back. I felt really sad looking at that bare desk and all the hours I’ve spent there working and collaborating with my team. Not only does it pain me that I won’t be moving forward with this team, but to see/know that they’re all kinda stuck. Yeah, they can quit and leave but it’s not that easy. I spoke with my work mom yesterday and while we got pedicures after work for her birthday, I told her how heartbroken I’ve been with the circumstances. Our team has grown together and been through a lot. We’ve all been very supportive towards each other and it makes me really sad to not have that anymore. I know we’ll all be in touch but it makes me really unhappy that I won’t be working with this talented crew. It fucking sucks.

It’s been hard for me to focus on my work since I’m very unmotivated right now with the shit show that’s been going on. Professionally, I’m having a very hard time with things. It doesn’t help with the email that POS sent to me this afternoon in regards to me clearing out my desk. She wanted to check in with me and would like me to give a 2 week notice. Um, how about no and fuck you? Also, she wanted to know how and when to announce to my team about me leaving. Um, you dumb bitch…they already know. I simply told her that she can do whatever she wants with that news and I don’t care if we do something or not for me. I told her my biggest concern right now that with all of the chaos happening with our team as well as the organization, I’d like the team to continue staying focused on the work and to continuing delivering kick ass design work. I don’t want to contribute to the distractions that’s been going on at work. Reading her email and having to respond to it made me really upset. I found myself sitting at my desk at home, crying hysterically into my palms. I’m unhappy that my hard work isn’t acknowledged and I can’t move forward with this team anymore. It’s really disappointing to see what damage the POS has done to the team.

As much as this all hurts, I know I will move onto bigger and better things. I can only continue to hope for happier days not only for myself, but for the rest of my team as well…