It’s bad enough when people you know are mean to you, but it’s worst when a stranger does it. The last thing I needed was a stranger to be mean to me. I’m pretty broken right now. In that moment in my car while driving home, I felt so torn apart. I needed to vent. I felt so guilty yet it wasn’t my fault and the weird thing is, I knew it wasn’t my fault. I don’t know what’s happening to me and why I feel like this. I definitely don’t know why people here are so mean to me. I sound like a kid at the playground stomping and pouting about someone being mean to me, but honestly tell me why people here are just plain cruel and awful? I’m damaged and I just need a break.
Tonight, I am thankful for the kindness of my close friends from back home to be there when I need them even if we don’t talk everyday. I was able to get a hold of my close guy friend JM tonight to chat. We haven’t chatted since earlier this year, but I’m thankful that our conversations pick up right where they’ve left off at. Although our conversations are generally pretty happy and hilarious, I just broke down. The more I was sharing with him with what’s going on, I tried to resist from crying but too late. Next thing you know I’m balling my eyes out in my car while talking to him. I hate for him or any of my friends to hear me like that. I hated it even more that since we haven’t chatted the guy had to hear me crying.
Things has gotten even more difficult for me, that it’s getting harder to fake it and hide it. Tonight was just the cherry on top with that person being mean to me. I realized even more that I need a lot of time for emotional healing. I’m beyond vulnerable right now and I just need to be surrounded by good people.