The title of this post is quite self explanatory. I’ll be skipping my sibling’s wedding. I’ve written a post somewhere discussing of my relationship with my “only brother”. Long story short, we don’t have a relationship, I haven’t seen him in a long time nor do I have his cell number. That’s how “close” we are. He’s a very toxic person that I’ve removed from my life for a long time and honestly I’ve done well without him in the picture. He’s never truly acted as an older brother to me …ever. He’s done a lot of horrible and hurtful things to me in the past that is very unforgivable. It’s just not your typical sibling rivalry where you’ll get over it and you guys can shoot the shit together.
On New Year’s Day this year, I woke up to a text message from my brother asking if I could be his fiancé’s bridesmaid. Mind you I’ve never met this girl, I don’t know what she looks like or her name, and we’ve never spoken to each other. I had ignored the text message and went about my day. What a way to wake up to the new year, right? Fast forward to today, I’ve been hounded by my parents, especially from my dad about coming home next month for the wedding. Originally I had thought about visiting home in May but when my parents mentioned the wedding, I never told them about my plan for coming to visit them and continued telling them I won’t be visiting any time soon.
My mom has tried convincing me to go, but I’m very stubborn and will continue to stick with my firm answer of “hell no”. I’ve explained my rationale to my mom as to why I don’t want to go nor do I care enough to go. Why the fuck would I attend a wedding that I don’t want to be at nor was I even formally invited to? Shit, even if my brother did invite me himself I still wouldn’t go. The point is I’ll be talked about regardless if I show up or not. I’ll only be getting disrespected if I go. Fuck that. I’d rather not be there and pretend to be happy for someone that I don’t know or really give a fuck about. Why waste a plane ticket to sit there with a bitchy face? I’d honestly rather stay home and work on my portfolio, read a book or go to the gym. That’s how non existent his wedding is on my list of “priorities”.
This past week my dad keeps asking me to come home next month and I give him the firm “hell no” as well. Am I fucked up and selfish to not show up? Honestly, yes and I’m not ashamed of it at all. Do I feel bad saying no to my parents? Not really. I’ve explained the dynamic of my “relationship” with my brother to them NUMEROUS times and they continue to not take me seriously. Well this time I hope this clicks for them. I can imagine how disappointed my parents are feeling about this whole thing, but it’s not my fault that their son is the biggest piece of shit that I’ve ever met. He had many chances in the past to change things between us but he fucked it up and it’s all too late. I don’t blame my parents to be angry and upset with me, but they should’ve listened and not taken this lightly. For them to now tell me that he said that he’s apologized to me is just bullshit. Years later and NOW you’re sorry for being a total prick? Go fuck yourself.
I’m just annoyed with getting nagged to go attend the bullshit wedding. I will not attend and condone his foolishness. He should just be glad that our parents are even gonna show up. Just leave me the fuck alone because my life has been fine without him. I don’t ever want him in my life nor in my future if I was to get married and have kids. That’s how toxic my brother is. Not many people can understand my decisions and thoughts that I have towards my brother and that’s okay. I’m not proud of the non existent relationship that I have with my brother. The only person that I’ve met that can truly understand this whole thing is my “work mom”. I try to encourage my friends that are distant from their siblings to make things better before it’s too late. My issues are much deeper with my brother than my friend’s with their siblings. In the past I had constantly wished and hoped that my brother would’ve made things better but he’s that much of a piece of shit so what can I do?
It is what it is and I just don’t want him to ever come near me. I want us to continue living our very separate lives.