Past Reminders

During this entire trip, I really couldn’t stop thinking about PC. I’m glad M was able to join me on my mini getaway. It was nice to have that bonding time with a close girlfriend. During the first night of the trip, I asked her if it’s weird that I was thinking about him. She said no but for whatever reason I felt kinda funny thinking about him. As we were exploring the city each day, I thought about when we first started talking and everything that happened. Sounds weird and lame but the more we were seeing the city, it felt like a movie streaming through my mind and how I used to feel for him.

I just never thought I’d come here and to not see him at all. I remember him telling me where he would take me and showing me around. I felt a brief moment of sadness everytime M and I went to a touristy spot. It was hard to block him out because I kept thinking how it would’ve been with him. That’s been part of the reason why it’s taken me so long to come visit. I was scared that coming here would trigger my thoughts about him and make me sad. I was right. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time with M being here with me. Since M couldn’t stay an extra day, I’ve been sad today. I felt very lonely and I just really missed him. There was some wishful thinking of us running into each other. A tiny part of me wants to reach out, but some doors are meant to be shut. We’re at different points in our lives and it’s safe to assume that he’s moved on and I need to, too.

Despite my thoughts and emotions about PC, I do love this city. A part of me is sad to leave, but it’s best that I go back to Cali and try to forget about him.

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1 comment
  1. Perhaps you need to go through this stage as part of letting go. It may be similar to the stages of grief.

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