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Monthly Archives: February 2016

James BayLet It Go

I heard this song for the first time some time last week during my commute to work. I generally rely on Spotify for my music needs, but the one time I turned on the radio in my car for once a song I like. I’ve been listening to this song on repeat a lot. For whatever reason I find this song a bit oddly comforting. I really like this guy’s voice and the way the guitar is played in this song. I could probably listen to the instrumental to this song all day and do without the lyrics since that’s the part where it makes me sad.

I didn’t think too much into the song after listening to it over and over again. After having those lyrics repeated over and over again in your mind, it kinda got to me and something clicked. I got kinda sad for a brief moment just suddenly thinking about PC. I haven’t thought about him in quite some time nor have we spoken in a very long time. Thinking back to how things once were between him and I, I miss the sweetness of it all and that’s what made me sad. I wondered what could’ve happened if things did ever work out. Would anything have ever been resolved between us? A bit of my upcoming trip added onto the feelings. For that very brief minute, I wished I could see him during my visit. But the reality is, I have no plans to ever get in touch with him, but I do hope all is well on his end.

I’ve been in a funk all day. Feeling a certain way all of a sudden seeking for some kinda change. Not sure what that even entails exactly, but I just want change in my life. For whatever reason I feel suffocated. Maybe the fact that this has been my first relaxing weekend in so long that all of these thoughts and emotions are finally reaching the surface. I have been thinking about changing up my daily routine and trying harder to achieve a much better work/life balance. Lately, my parents and friends have constantly been telling me that I work too hard and too much when we discuss what I’ve been up to. They are absolutely right and I need to really learn to step away from my work as much as I love it. I feel like I need to try new things, meet new people again, travel more, etc. I guess I kinda need to “date myself” to discover or even rediscover some things about myself.

For now just changing up things in my room is a baby step that’s making me feel a little bit better. I ordered new sheets tonight and I’m pretty excited for that. So dumb and lame, but as mentioned in my previous post I am a pretty simple person and it doesn’t take much to satisfy me. For a very long time I’ve been thinking about taking a crochet class or getting back into painting. I did look up potential crochet class in the area. Been trying hard to fit yoga into my morning routine. So much that I want to do, but it’s just the matter of figuring out my schedule to incorporate these things without feeling overwhelmed. This will definitely be a challenge for me that’s for sure.

But I think I’ve had way too much free time over the weekend to think a little bit too much. :p

It’s my first weekend in awhile (besides that weekend I had traveled to Chicago) that I have nothing planned. It’s pretty refreshing that I actually won’t be doing work for once during the weekend. When I finished up my work today, I just laid down and relaxed for a bit yet my mind felt so scattered. I was thinking about work, life, errands, etc. I really need to relax and just give my brain a break to not think about anything. So easy to say, yet a bit hard for me to do.

I was able to run some errands this evening, which I usually save for my Saturday mornings. I just didn’t want to sit around and do nothing so I just had to get out. Got some grocery shopping done along with loitering Target. Target is one of my weak spots. I initially went to return something…only to end up lingering around and bought myself some cute shoes. I haven’t bought myself anything new lately for my wardrobe, so it was a nice treat. Plus, it’ll be good for me to get back into my gym routine this weekend which I’m dreading. It’s always difficult to kick things off again. Still have to take it easy because of the sciatica though. So perhaps some yoga will do for now.

As for the rest of the weekend, I’ll probably clean and organize my room and closet. Been meaning to donate some of my clothes that I hardly wear now. I find that my taste has changed. Nothing drastic though. I lean more towards neutral tones now. Also, I have to go donate some books that I pulled from my book case a month ago. It’s just been sitting in my car and it needs to go already. I find decluttering and cleaning to be quite relaxing…or maybe I am such an old lady now. 😦

I might go check out the farmer’s market this weekend. Hopefully find some flowers to make a new bouquet for my room. I just love having fresh flowers on my desk. Definitely need to make time to read again. I miss lounging around at a cafe on a Sunday with a good book. With some of the groceries that I had purchasd today, I told myself I’ll cook a nice breakfast this weekend. For whatever reason I like making breakfast/brunch.

Such simple things that I’ll be doing but I’m a very simple person so it doesn’t take that much to please me. I’m just extremely relieved to not do any work at all. Since I’ve been working every single day, you tend to forget how to spend your weekend. At least that’s what happened to me. My goal is to stay away from my computer this weekend.

Cheers to the weekend! 🙂

I really feel like a robot now when it comes to work. I had worked every weekend in January and it’s happening here in February. Yesterday or shall I say today was the worst. I worked until 4AM. Had a break around 11PM to give my eyes some rest and to lay down briefly before I went back at it again. I had attempted to wake up at 8AM only to drift back to sleep but then got woken up by a phone call from my dad. Finally got out of bed around 9AM to finish the remaining work that I had left before my 1PM meeting to present my work. Luckily I got it done in time and received great feedback.

I had started feeling nauseous earlier yesterday. Felt a bit car sick when I left the café to head home, which rarely happens. I thought to myself that it was best to reschedule one of my meetings that required me to be in the office to the next day. My colleague was very understanding, which was a relief. The thought of having to sit in my car commuting an hour and some odd minutes along with the nausea was no bueno. When I was wrapping up my work today before my meeting, I felt so nauseous just even being on my laptop staring at the screeen cranking away. The harder and faster I was attempting to get things done, I just felt more sick and exhausted.

After my successful meeting, I immediately turned off my laptop and laid down. I felt so out of it to even leave the house to get some fresh air and it was super nice out today, too. My mind and body felt so confused if I should either be awake or sleeping. I haven’t stayed up that late in years to do work, if ever. Last time I had to stay up late to burn the midnight oil was back in college and I thought those days were over. I thought wrong. I definitely need to rest this upcoming weekend since I wasted the long weekend by overworking myself. I need more rest, exercise and definitely more “me” time. My parents are becoming concerned as to how much I’ve been working. When they speak to me I can barely hold a conversation because I’m practically like a zombie.

I had booked a trip very suddenly a couple weeks ago because I had felt so overworked. I remember feeling so overwhelmed that day and booking this trip had been on my mind. It was definitely one of those “fuck it” moments. The moment I made the purchase I had thought, “Fuck. Am I even going to get to enjoy this mini getaway?”. I had mini regrets on making the purchase since I definitely splurged a lot more for a nice hotel, but whatever. How often do I stay in a nice hotel yet alone go anywhere? Thinking back to it, I don’t regret it and am very much looking forward to it!

I’ve been quite bogged down by the chaos at work and it’s been difficult to keep hanging on to it all. Granted my colleagues on my team has been very supportive as we have always been for each other. As exhausted and frustrated as I am, all I wanted is to end my day on a good note.

After a chaotic day at work yesterday and with it being Chinese New Year, I wished for nothing more than to be at home with my parents. I just felt so sad when I came home from work and just wanted to sleep all of it off in hopes that tomorrow would be a better day. While I felt so down, I was catching up with friends and had wished a friend of mines a happy birthday and happy new year. This friend actually works at the nursing home where my grandmother resides and she takes care of her a lot. She’s said kind things about my grandmother which I appreciate and puts a smile on my face. Since it is CNY, she had told me that my grandmother had received red envelopes and helped her deposit the money into her account following up with providing her receipts for the deposit. I know it’s my friend’s job to help her do that, but it made me really happy and then cue the happy tears haha. That gesture meant a lot to me especially hearing about my grandmother’s well-being.

Today I had worked from home since my car was getting it’s routine maintenance. I was practically stranded at home all day. While I was dealing with the stream of morning meetings at home, I heard something slip under my door. It was a red envelope from my landlord. I muted myself on the call and immediately opened the door trying to give the red envelope back to my landlord. They just told me to keep it even though I kept insisting that I’m getting too old to collect things like this anymore. Of course I had to keep it, but that was really nice of them to do that.

Sometimes it just takes the little things to make the day just a little bit better.

With the stress that I’ve been dealing with at work, it’s been very difficult to for me to relax and to get a good night’s rest. I find myself tossing and turning a lot. When I take AlevePM to help relieve the pain from my sciatica and to get a good night’s rest for my morning commute, lately that has backfired on me. Granted I only take it when necessary.

But last night I just remember waking up at least 6 times. After the 6th time when I woke up, I felt like I heard a man’s voice calling out my name softly. It sounded really close to my ear but oddly it sounded like it was coming from the distance. Strange, I know. As busy as I am with work, I can’t seem to shake that moment out of my mind. I couldn’t recognize the man’s voice and I wasn’t super startled when I woke up hearing his voice. I did feel confused when I woke up so suddenly though. For whatever reason, I really can’t stop thinking about it.

Strange things…or I need to lay off of the AlevePM haha.

Today I’ve been trying to catch up on sleep and e-mails that I attempted to ignore while I was away traveling. When I woke up from my nap, my mom called and this is where I get freaked out. She called asking me symptoms for a heart attack since my dad was saying he was having chest pains lately. My parents had planned to go to the hospital as soon as they closed their business tonight. I told her to keep me updated with my dad’s status and what the doctor says.

It was hard for me to go about my evening trying to get chores and work done. I just sat there feeling so worried and attempting to distract myself. I didn’t want to keep calling my parents to see what was happening. I just had to stay calm. I was starting to look at flights to go home in case anything got really serious. I was prepared to book a flight as I continued playing the waiting game.

Hours later my mom called me back reporting that my dad was okay. I was veryyy relieved to hear that. He had felt some gas blocked in his chest and the doctor gave him some liquid to drink to clear it up. My dad felt better drinking that stuff that he wanted more of it haha. The doctor gave him more to take home and my parents cooked themselves a late dinner once they got home.

After speaking to my mom, my dad hogged the phone to let me know that he’s okay. I told them how I didn’t eat dinner yet because I was so worried and was ready to come home if I had to. The more my dad told me he felt better, I just started crying and felt guilty for living so far. I had to hang up on him since I was starting to cry hysterically. He’s my best friend and to hear about anything bad happening to him does a big number on those heart strings. It made me question how much longer will I stay here in Cali or what if the next time it’s something serious.

It’s a very unsettling feeling and I just feel very anxious about everything that’s happening back home.