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Monthly Archives: November 2015

I just got back from Boston on Thanksgiving night. It was such an exhausting day since I was practically traveling all day. I was there for 2 weeks and was considering on even extending my trip, but unfortunately I have to be a responsible adult and return back to Cali. Oddly every time when I go back it feels like I never left. This is my second time where I’ve stayed for 2 weeks and I felt like I either never moved or I was back for a month. I really miss it a lot. During the last 2-3 days of my trip I tend to get pretty emotional since I know how homesick I’ll be when I go back to Cali.

On my way to the airport I got teary eyed a bit as I stared out the window aimlessly listening to music. When I finally got to the airport and checked in and all, I went to have a few drinks since I had too much time to kill before my flight. I didn’t want to be emotional about leaving along with a few other things, but I couldn’t help it. So I just kept drinking to numb these thoughts. After boarding and the plane taking off, the tears started streaming. I probably sound like a drunk mess, but I promise I was fine lol. I get the most upset whenever the plane takes off because I’m really sad to leave Boston.

I’m happy I got to see my friends and to catch up like old times. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to do as much nor see that many people since I’m still dealing with sciatica. It’s gradually getting better but I was really scared to go off anywhere by myself and the thought of falling without anyone with me freaked me out a lot. So I just stuck with my plans rather than doing my usual roaming around the city. Pretty bummed out that I couldn’t do certain things, but there’s always next time. Also, I dealt with a cold while I was there since I wasn’t getting much sleep after long nights with friends, which kinda screwed up some of my plans.

M’s annual Thanksgiving pot luck was alright. A much smaller group this year and strangely there was a lot of girls attending this year. Usually it’s a much larger group and we’re a lot louder, but this year was much more low key. I was excited to hear from B and that he was going to be coming. When B had arrived my friends made me go get the door for him as they changed seats while I was gone so I could sit next to him and for them to be able to tease me some more about him lol. Asshole friends haha. B seemed a bit bored during this event and so I had extended an invite to him to join my close friend J and I for drinks the next night. I was pretty glad he came along and no not because I have a crush on him. Just the more, the merrier.

Came Monday was when I woke up with a cold. I immediately cancelled plans with another friend. Felt bad but I really wasn’t up for it and plus I was working remotely. I just felt so out of it. That day B and I were suppose to hang out but plans were still up in the air. As I was working remotely at M’s place in my pj’s, out of nowhere B shows up at the door. I was a bit embarrassed since I wasn’t dressed and looked like a hot mess lol. When I opened the door, I was greeted with a hug and he delivered me some milk tea which was very sweet of him. We were just chatting and then he had asked about my sciatica. I told him it’s gradually getting better but my leg and back still hurts. Soon he reveals that he got licensed to be a masseuse in Japan lol. I was like wtf?? lol. Next thing you know he was just touching my ENTIRE leg (I was wearing shorts, too) where no man’s hand should go that far unless you’re my boyfriend lol. I felt so embarrassed and was so happy that M and her hubby was at work lol. I could imagine all the shit they’d give me if they were around. Anyways, I appreciated the massage and my leg was feeling a little bit better. I got an offer for a back massage but told him he’s done enough lol and I didn’t feel comfortable with him touching me that much. Talk about copping some feels lol. But my friends were entertained by this story sighs haha…

Eventually I made my way to my parents house. I have to say I wasn’t really spending that much while I was with my friends, but when I got to my parents I swear they were gonna leave me going back to Cali broke haha. Since I’m at a semi-stable job, it was nice that I was able to splurge on them. One day we went to visit my grandma and prior to visiting her I took my mom grocery shopping at the Asian market. Where my folks live there are no Asian markets so whenever I’m back my mom takes advantage of it mainly buying ingredients to make herbal soups. I was hoping she wouldn’t fight me on paying for the overfilled cart of groceries and luckily she got distracted and was able to quickly pay. Next day I had to take my dad to renew his license since he speaks pretty broken English. Paid for that and bought him a new pair of shoes. Another night treated them to hot pot dinner and helped them buy some stuff for their business. Talk about spoiled, but I’m really happy I am financially able to do this for them. They appreciate it and feel less worried about me since I am able to provide for them again like I used to be able to when I was living back Boston.

Overall, it was a good trip despite a few bumps in the road. When I woke up the next day after coming back to Cali, I really felt like I never went to Boston. It’s really strange. I’m not sure as to when I’ll be going back since I’ve made quite a few trips going back this past year. We shall see, but I miss everyone so much.

Back to my quiet, workaholic life…

  
Today my mom and I went to visit my grandma. I always make sure we schedule a day where we go together to visit her. The last time I had seen her was last year when it was my first time visiting Boston since my move. Prior to visiting my grandma last year, my mom would tell me stories about how every time my family would see her she would always ask about me. I am the baby girl on my mom’s side and she did raise me.

When I had seen her last year I was excited yet anxious. I greeted her with a hello and a hug. My mom had asked her if she knows who I was and she shook her head no. That made me really want to cry right at that moment but she is 93 so I couldn’t blame her for not remembering me. Later I had realized and told my mom that grandma only remembers me up to my teenage years. She doesn’t really know what I look like as full grown adult Connie, not that I look entirely different or anything.

I was just really sad and very angry at myself for not visiting her as often even before I moved. I feel like shit for not being there all those times. She really is a huge chunk of my heart and I feel like a horrible granddaughter for not being there as much as she has been for me growing up.

During today’s visit I was once again excited yet more anxious than last year. I was bracing myself for if she doesn’t remember me again. I was getting pretty emotional the closer we got to her room. She was napping when my mom and I had arrived. She was surprised to see us and she just kept staring at me. I greeted her with a hello and a hug. I sat next to her on her bed holding her hand during the whole visit. My mom asked her if she remembered me and I was relieved when she said yes. Happy tears wanted to come out but nope haha. Although with her being 94 now, she also thinks I work at her current senior home. She told me she just saw me a couple days ago and I just laughed a little. I kept having to tell her that I work very far away and that I came back to see her. She wasn’t accepting what I kept telling her and that’s okay.

I was very happy that she remembered me and I didn’t want to let go of her hand at all. Holding her hand reminded me a lot of things. How she used to hold my hand when I was little and we would go for long walks or how she would hold my hand and stand up for me whenever my brother picked on me. There was just a lot of childhood memories that really hit me hard. Anyways, it was hard for me to have to leave but I’m hoping to visit home again soon so I can see her again.

Generally when I feel a sense of accomplishment in my career, I’ll reward myself. It’s normal for anyone to do that for themselves. In the past when I was overworking and not going on any vacations I had upgraded my car because I felt like I deserved it for busting my ass. Nowadays since I can’t just go out and get myself a nice car when something great happens in my career haha, here and there I’ll treat myself to the little things like a new book or a good sushi for dinner. Recently I’ve been wanting to purchase a watch. I haven’t worn a watch since high school and in general I’m not that big on jewelry. Yet for whatever reason this one watch has caught my eye. It’s nothing super fancy or too expensive. Just very minimal and simple like how I like it. I had thought to myself that if something else goes right at work, then this could be a little treat to myself as well as a very early Christmas gift. Well, with the recent good news at work I’ve decided to reward myself with a watch. There’s something about owning a nice watch when you’re older or maybe I’m just “feeling older” haha. I’ve dealt with a lot of stress at work lately and to hear some good news has made me feel very reassured with several things in my life. For me to own this watch acts as a mark of success and further progression in my career. It’s very important to me as weird as it may sound. I’m just happy things are looking up in my career and I can only continue working harder to become more successful.

Let the random ramblings begin…

I’ve been going to acupuncture for my sciatica. It’s my first time ever doing this and I was terrified. Piercings and tattoos do not scare me, but anything medical related with needles I freak out. I get scared like a little kid and want someone to hold my hand. Pathetic I know. Turns out acupuncture doesn’t hurt, but I still get pretty nervous. Luckily I’ve been seeing improvements but still have to take it easy. It’s getting a little easier to get around, but I’m still in pain and discomfort. I’ve only been able to make it to my office once and I felt like total shit just driving into SF and getting around. My coworker even told me I looked like I was in pain. I didn’t get what she meant until I looked at myself in the mirror one morning. My eyes would get so red because of the pain I’m in. I was staying at home a lot and cabin fever was at it’s peak. It was extremely boring and staying at home that much didn’t help with the way I was feeling about a lot of things. I just found myself getting extremely paranoid and insecure about my health when I was staying at home a lot. I’m just glad there are improvements, but it still really stresses me out as to when I’ll fully be better again. It really sucks not being able to work out like I used to, but walking shall suffice. At least I can get out of the house and enjoy my book at a coffee shop again. However, getting in and out of my car really sucks.

I was happy that I was able to get out of the house for Halloween to go with my friend and her kid trick or treating in my neighborhood. I think trick or treating with them followed by dinner is our new little tradition. It’s cute and I enjoy it a lot. I would highly prefer doing this every year than to get dressed up and get drunk. I got the kiddo some candy when they came over and immediately he ate some of it haha. Since it was his 2nd Halloween, I think he kinda understood the gist of trick or treating this year. He was dressed as Tigger and it reminded me of my nephew’s costume when he was that little. Too cute. Last year he was kinda freaking out and we only made it to like 5-6 houses for 30 minutes, whereas this year we made it to a lot more houses and was out for an hour. Glad he went home with a lot more in his bucket this year.

By the way, shopping for children is hands down mad stressful and frustrating. I’ve been meaning to get my newborn niece a a gift along with my nephews, but haven’t been able to get around that. Finally mad a trip to the mall yesterday to get this done and out of the way. I already hate shopping and especially going to the mall. Luckily I was able to Amazon Prime my nephews toys, but I wanted to see in person what I wanted to get my niece since it was clothes. I had gone into 2 children’s clothing store and the moment I stepped into the first one, my mind was screaming “WTF!!!”. I was annoyed and just wanted to get out.  The second store I went into there was a screaming and crying child. I just grabbed whatever I thought was cute real quick and got the fuck out. I had to call my mom afterwards to tell her about shopping for the kids and how I was gonna lose my mind haha. She laughed at me but said now I understand how she felt shopping for myself and my brother when we were little. My dislike for shopping has grown even more after dealing with this.

Anyways, I go home next week and I’m very excited. While dealing with all of this sciatica bullshit, it’s good timing for me to be back at home with my family and friends. I really need them the most right now. I feel more comfortable about going home since my sciatica is getting better since I generally walk around everywhere back home. I’ve been making plans with friends and I’m looking forward to catching up with them. I’ll be spending more time with my parents than my friends so the days that I will be available to see my friends are a little wonky since most of the days are weekdays. I really want to go to NY for the day when I’m back, but that requires a ton of walking and I don’t think I should push it if I don’t feel my best. So we’ll see. But definitely looking forward to my close friend’s Thanksgiving Pot Luck that she does every year. I really cannot wait!!

I had finally gotten a hair cut over the weekend. Really random, I know. As shitty as I was feeling, sometimes it’s the little yet random things that can uplift your mood a bit. Apparently a hair cut did that for me. I haven’t gone to a salon the past 2 years since I’ve lived in Cali. I’ve been cutting my own hair which isn’t hard at all since it’s simple trimmings and whatnot. Plus it’s been hard to find a good stylist at a reasonable price. Since my hair was getting extremely long and it’s the longest I’ve ever had it, I told myself that my own personal haircuts wasn’t cutting it anymore (no pun intended). I swear I was starting to look like the chick from the Grudge with my crazy long black hair. I found a salon nearby my place and it seemed legit. I was really nervous for someone else to cut my hair because generally when you tell them to cut a specific amount, they tend to cut off more than intended. So that’s sorta kinda what happened to me. When I saw the stylist cut off 3-4 inches I literally cringed haha. I said 2 inches woman! But nonetheless I really loved the outcome and I don’t look like a crazy person anymore.

As unhappy as I’ve been lately, I woke up in the middle of the night to pouring rain and it’s still raining as I’m in bed writing this blog. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate the sounds of rain as weird as it may sound. I understand how calming and relaxing it can be. Being alone and just unhappy I kinda fell into this funk and felt really miserable and stressed out about a lot of things. The more I was trying to do for myself while not feeling well, I found myself feeling low each day. Honestly I haven’t felt this relaxed and at ease in awhile. Lately I feel so useless being physically incapable of doing certain things and it’s just hard to pull yourself out of that. The thought of myself not being able to run yet alone jog makes me extremely unhappy and mad at myself. I’ve been blaming myself for so many things. For now I don’t feel like that since this rainy day is helping me relax. I think it’s only going to rain today, but if it rained every single day I will be so happy. It goes back to the little things and for me a rainy day is a good pick me up. It makes me enjoy working from home a lot more since it’s raining today.