I’ve been pretty upset for the past 2 days. Bad timing for me to even feel this way since I am absolutely slammed with work this weekend. Have you ever wished for things to just work out and you don’t want to talk about it out loud or as much because you’re afraid you’ll jinx yourself? It’s how I feel right now. Perhaps I’m overthinking it all, but I can’t help it. I tried to not think about it as much but I just started to feel even more anxious by the minute. I confided in friends for their opinions, but that only made me feel a tiny bit better. The longer I had bottled up all of my thoughts and emotions inside yesterday, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I had decided to get out for my own sanity sake, which only resulted in me crying.

As I was about to park my car I had a total melt down. I started crying so hysterically in my car, my face into my palms and wondering what was wrong with me. I am being hard on myself and I am so vulnerable right now. Sitting in my car for awhile last night and crying was the absolute worst feeling I’ve dealt with in awhile. I felt so alone in that moment thinking about everything. I thought about how I’m in my late 20s, soon to approach my 30s and haven’t been able to maintain a solid relationship in awhile. When I said those things to my friend she had totally understood how I felt and why I could be overthinking. I’m not forcing anything to happen. I’ve been allowing things to fall into its own place, but why can’t that one aspect in my life come together? This is probably why I try to drown myself in my work so I can protect myself from feeling this way.

I had gone to bed early last night just wanting to sleep off all of these emotions, but that didn’t really help. I dragged myself out this morning so I can get work done, but it’s been hard to focus. I need to pull myself out of my emotions and snap out of this shit. I just can’t help but to think about myself crying in my car last night. It’s something that should never happen to anyone.

Tomorrow will be a better day.


4 thoughts on “Jinxed

  1. 😦 I know how you feel – in my last relationship it felt like that a lot… I thought there was something wrong with me for overthinking, and I often felt jinxed too. But looking back on it, I don’t think I was jinxed – I think he or we, created the environment where I just felt like that. Sometimes you want things so much to work out that it’s absolutely heart wrenching when it doesn’t…in my case, it was because he was unwilling to work on things so I suppose that alone meant he was not the one for me. I don’t know your circumstances, but I do know that we deserve people who are willing to at least try to understand, try to work on things together – the right person would welcome that and alleviate that pressure off of you by making it a partnership – instead of making you feel like your jinxed. I hope things get better for you!

  2. I don’t think relationships come together at a certain age. I think there are relationship struggles at every age and we just get better at hiding them. Of course, people posting on Facebook only about the happy parts of their relationships really doesn’t help.

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