Pain in the Ass

My mind is really scattered and I’m just not in the mood to talk to anyone. It’s been nice leaving my phone on airplane mode sometimes when I really don’t want to talk to anyone. Perhaps it was the total lack of sleep last night that’s left me feeling bitchy today. I did get one hour of sleep and was extremely unproductive today. No bueno! Only productive thing I did was go to the gym in hopes that I’ll come home rejuvenated to do some work. NOPE. I was on the treadmill and one ear bud away from blocking out anyone until this personal trainer came up to me. MOTHERFUCKER!! Can’t you see I’m trying to get my run on?! The annoying fuck face was telling me about a class and I just gave this bitch look but tried my best to politely decline. I am absolutely horrible at hiding my emotions, so my angry face was written all over. Motherfucker kept talking to me to get me to join the class that was happening in a few minutes. I’m like “Listen! I’m trying to get a run in and get the fuck out.” The persistent motherfucker went on and gave me a card. I crumpled that shit and immediately started running really fast. I was annoyed and mad that he wouldn’t go away. I get it that’s part of his job, but leave a girl alone. Damn. That’s my biggest gym peeve. Just leave me alone and don’t talk to me. I was close to running outside tonight, but changed my mind last minute. Perhaps I really should’ve opted for the latter.

As soon as I got home I jumped in the shower to try to destress a little bit. No matter how hard I worked out tonight, it just takes something so small like that personal trainer approaching me to throw my day off. Petty, I know. I just have my moments where I want absolute silence and then there are moments I’m friendly as fuck. I just mainly been wanting to relax and to chill out. Is that too much to ask for? Last Thursday my team and I had an offsite at Golden Gate Park in SF. I’ll probably write an in depth post on that outing. Anyways, it was nice to get out of the office that day and to linger around SF Botanical Garden. However, we were together legit from 9AM-9PM. I had an amazing time and it was a great day, but that’s a little too much bonding for my liking. I like my space and somewhere in the day where I can just put on my headphones and chill. It’s just how I am. The more you get in my space and in my face, I crave for more of my own personal time. It’s normal though.

I have this pain in the ass lower back pain. No pun intended. This lower back pain has been part of the reason as to why I can’t sleep well. It sucks!!! Over the weekend I had purchased a Groupon deal to get a massage. I’ve never got a massage before because I get really weirded out at the thought of a stranger touching me. I don’t care if it’s a male or female. I just get extremely uncomfortable. I had told myself to just get over it and to go forward with the massage. I called and made an appointment…only to cancel 10 minutes before my scheduled appointment. Maybe this weekend I’ll give it a go. I know for sure I’ll have to make use out of it before it expires. Can’t let that money go to waste.

Both on Saturday and Sunday I decided to have an impromptu picnic at the rose garden here in SJ. It’s one of my favorite chill spots here. There’s a small Italian market down the street where I ordered a sandwich to go. Brought it with me to the park along with the Haruki Murakami book  (What I Talk About When I Talk About Running) that I was close to finishing up. It was just an overall nice day out to be outside and enjoy myself. After digesting the sandwich and finishing my book, I felt so relaxed just laying on the blanket and my feet touching the grass. The next day after I had cancelled my massage, I decided to do the same thing after I spend some time at my usual Sunday spot in downtown SJ. This time I practically had dinner at the park and bought another Haruki Murakami book at this local used bookstore close by as well. It was yet another relaxing day at the park. I went home feeling good and ready to take on the upcoming work week.

Today was a total bust with work. I didn’t do shit and was glad one of my meetings got cancelled. Hopefully tomorrow and the rest of the week I’ll get it together. I just feel like people have been in my face this week and I just want people to back the fuck up out of my space. A girl just wants to breathe for crying out loud! For now I’m enjoying the rest of my night listening to some chill hip hop. I plan on waking up at 5AM to meditate before work in case I still feel like a total bitch lol. Tomorrow will be a better day.

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2 comments
  1. BTW, did I ever tell you how awesome I thought you are for moving to another coast and starting up a new life?
    Many years, I’ve thought about it… but alas, my current living situation is proof that I’m afraid of change.

    • Connie said:

      Thanks! I appreciate that. You know it’s never too late to take the leap of faith and move as well. I felt like I was stuck and couldn’t take advantage of the opportunity, but I realized that I wasn’t truly happy if I stayed wondering what else was out there for me. Just something worth considering.

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