There’s been a lot happening work wise. It’s causing a lot of stress for me and I’m finding it harder to concentrate on work especially with the most recent incident. I’m very sensitive and emotional right now. I took some time the past 2 days to just disconnect myself and to do nothing. I just wanted to stay away from my computer. After my meeting on Friday afternoon I realized that I’m not all there during our design review and not doing my work right. I need to clear my mind and not let that situation affect me too much, but it’s hard not to.
I was chatting with a close girlfriend on Friday night, who I look up to as a big sister. I told her about the situation and I just needed to vent. I didn’t want questions to be asked to add onto my emotions and thoughts. I wasn’t looking for words of encouragement or sympathy. I just wanted to say whatever I needed to say and call it a day. I felt relatively better again and decided to sleep it off during the remainder of Friday night. Plus, I needed to catch up on sleep since I’ve been working non stop.
No matter how hard I’m trying to redirect my focus on something else, the discussion I had with my boss keeps crossing my mind. It weighs heavily on me. I highly appreciate his respect for me not only as a designer, but as an individual. He got to witness how truly passionate I am about being a designer. He told me that I’m very humble and loyal to my team and that is why he loves me being an asset to the team. It was refreshing to hear that throughout the past 5 years of my career, that was the type of acknowledgement I’ve always sought out for. I will forever be grateful to him for letting me achieve what I wanted to here in Cali. It makes me pretty teary eyed and choked up just thinking about it all. Only a few people can understand this side of me when I get so emotional about design. I take my career extremely serious.
Yesterday I had received my 50mm prime lens in the mail. I’ve been eyeing it for awhile, but held off since I wasn’t as active with my camera lately. I finally purchased it since I realized that I definitely can’t go on vacation or travel anywhere any time soon, so this was a gift to myself for working really hard. So yesterday I was playing around with it and still getting adjusted to it. I went on a little photo adventure last night, which was pretty relaxing. I realized that I need to do this more often. It distracted my mind from everything and the calmness of the night helped as well.
Anyways, I’m currently at my usual Sunday spot to do work. I woke up in a good mood, ready to crank out some work. So far it’s been a fail. The web app that I use to access the wireframes I need to look at for my work isn’t loading properly. It’s frustrating to keep refreshing that shit and nothing appears. Then there’s a fricken high school jazz band playing literally right in front of me. WHAT THE FUCK?! I just want to do my work. Maybe these are all signs that I need to turn the computer off and go relax and enjoy myself. So I suppose I’ll have to turn this fucking computer off and read. For now, I’m beyond annoyed by this fucking jazz band.