It’s been a struggle for me and my finances just like it is for many people out there. I’m trying to play catch up with everything and a lot of it has to do with being unemployed for a year. That’s what’s killing me right now. I recently felt like I was in a good place and really keeping up with budgeting my finances, but recently I’m getting bombarded with bills for left to right. It’s causing me so much stress and difficulty sleeping at night because I worry a lot. Lately I’ve been getting these really bad headaches and I blame it on the stress. I don’t have anyone helping me. My friends either has their spouse or parents helping them out. I don’t want help from anyone nor am I some kind of charity case for you to throw money at me. My parents has offered, but parents will be parents. I don’t tell them about my salary or the bills that are racking up on my end. I’ll tough it out like I have been. I’ve always been independent and it’ll remain that way.
While I maintain my notes on my finances on a weekly basis, I was really hoping that I could take a real vacation this year and I got a bit excited, but it doesn’t look like I can. I don’t understand how people that do or don’t make much money can go on so many trips constantly in a year. I make pretty good money at my current job. I don’t shop a lot either. I mainly spend my money on gas, parking for work and groceries. That’s it! Like I said I’m trying to make up payments for the one year I was unemployed. It honestly fucking sucks. A LOT! What really makes me mad is when you say you’re broke, but you’re traveling everywhere or somewhere. For real, don’t even come at me with that kinda shit because you’re definitely not broke if you can do that shit. If I can treat myself to sushi or to buy myself succulents or a book, that’s the closest to a “vacation” that I can get.
It really does bother me that my first and last real vacation was back in 2008, which was a cruise trip to Bermuda. It’s been 7 years since I’ve gone on a real vacation. Yes, I’ve been able to travel to a couple of places during the weekends in the past, but that’s not a vacation. I used to think those were vacations because getting away somewhere was better than nowhere. But I’m reaching to the point where I need to get away from work and life for a week to really relax. Not many of my friends can understand this, especially when they ask me to go with them. I don’t care how cheap you try to make the trip budget friendly. It’s still a set back for my bills and that’s one of my biggest priorities. I don’t want to come back from vacay and back into reality to know what’s been leftover on my tab. It gives me anxiety.
I guess I’ll have to wait next year for my real vacation if that’s even possible. I’m just so burnt out and tired of being tired, stressed and worried. This fucking sucks so fucking much. Argh!!!