I’ve been a bit lost in my own thoughts and perhaps too much. I’ve realized how unforgivable I am. A lot of it has to do with how I was in the past. Being too nice and naïve to people, letting things slide and giving out too many chances. I still can be like that with certain people, but I’m just creating excuses for them. As for people in my past, I’ve seen how good they once were and I’ve seen them turn ugly. I guess once you kinda do me wrong (not just once, but multiples times), there’s no turning back. My perspective of you instantly changes. I’m stubborn with my mind set that that is how you truly are: a bad person. I understand everyone has their flaws, as do I. I just have a very difficult time believing that people overtime will change. It’s a big contradiction on my end since I know I’ve changed a lot over the years. Depending on who you are I might give you some hope that you’ve changed for either the better or the worst.
I’ve given a lot of people the benefit of the doubt and they’ve kinda betrayed me in so many ways that there isn’t an ounce of forgiveness in me anymore to give to them. I don’t wish or hope for anything bad to happen. I’d prefer to act as if we never met and to keep it like that. I kinda go into this phase where I just gradually forget about you and maybe it’s all of the anger I have masking all of the memories I’ve shared with him/her. That’s just my way of handling things. It’s somewhat of a bad habit of mines, but oh well. A lot of my father’s stubbornness and hard headed ways has rubbed onto me as I’ve grown up.
Is it a bit unfair? No, not really. You did it to yourself, so what’s so wrong with me cutting you out? Nothing. Do I get emotional at all when I’m reminded of the good and bad times? Yeah, a little bit. I’d be lying if it didn’t affect me at all. I cared so much at one point and then an instant cut to the wire is a big jump. It’s always unfortunate to see any friendship or relationship to grow and end. A history and a bond was created between you and that person. Some bonds for me are worth letting go though. Do I dwell on these memories that I’ve shared with the people that I’ve cut out in my life? Nope. My mind is already a cluster fuck. I don’t need to dwell on past bullshit.
It is what it is.