Homebound Blues

Next week I’ll be visiting home for the first time since I moved to California. I’m excited to go home to see my parents and friends. It’s much needed for my sanity sake that I see familiar faces as well as to be back in my hometown. I’ve missed everyone and everything about Boston since I’ve been here. I compare everything here to Boston. The moment I had booked my flight home I was thrilled. Now as the countdown to go home approaches, I feel so sad and a bit weird and nervous. I’ve been coordinating plans with friends and looking at my calendar on my phone has made my socialize look lively again. But as I kept staring at the calendar filled with plans to catch up with great people and making sure I didn’t forget anyone, I know how fast it’ll all quickly end. I feel sad about how quickly all the fun will end and how weird it’ll be to be back in general. A lot has changed since I’ve lived here and I’ve grown a lot since I left. I think a part of me is scared and nervous that even though I’ve changed, that everything back at home must’ve changed as well. I hope not. I know I’m not the same Connie from a year or two ago, but I hope everything hasn’t changed drastically. I feel like my hometown needs to give me the reassured comfort that I need before I come back to Cali as weird as it may sound. I feel that once I get back to Cali, I’ll feel more alone than I ever did. Despite the sadness I’m dealing with, I’m at least grateful I’ll be able to spend Thanksgiving back in Boston this year, but I’m sad that I’ll be alone again for Christmas. Seeing all the holiday decorations displayed and hearing Christmas songs on the radio has gotten to me. I’m dreading every minute of Christmas as it’ll approach so quickly after Thanksgiving is over. I wish I was able to stay in Boston for a month working remotely, which I’m sure wouldn’t be an issue with my boss but it’s probably best I keep it as a short visit and not get too comfortable.


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