Burnt Out

I hardly ever take any vacations and I rarely travel. I was just never in a position where I could take a vacation or the timing and funds weren’t efficient. I’m well aware that I’m a bit travel deprived and I would love to explore more if I had the necessary funds and time to, but the reality is I can’t because I have to be this lame responsible adult. Blah!! I thought to myself today that the last and real vacation I took was back in August 2008 on a cruise to Bermuda. Back in Boston, I usually consider my weekend getaways to NYC or anywhere easily accessible as a vacation. As happy as I am with my current job and the work I’m doing, I’m extremely burnt out. My work load has piled up and I’m handling multiple projects. It’s already exhausting to prioritize and to keep up with all this work. I’ve had more visitors from the East Coast recently which I can’t complain about, but lately I feel like I haven’t had any “me time”. As much as I enjoy spending time with friends from home, I’m so mentally exhausted to give them my full attention when they’re here. All I want to do when I am alone in my room is to lay in bed to some peace and quiet. I spend a lot of time collaborating with my team and when I get home from work I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I just feel so tired that I feel like I’m not contributing as much to these conversations because all I’m thinking about how good my bed feels.

My company is having an off site out in Monterey in two weeks, which I’m kinda looking forward to since we’ll be staying at a nice hotel. I do not mind spending the night at a fancy hotel at the company’s expense and bonding with my team as well as getting familiar with other people in the company. But I am not really in the mood to do some team building and collaborating things while I’m out there. I guess luring us with nice things is the only way to get the company together and it’s definitely working. But I don’t see this little getaway as a vacation. It’s definitely more of a quick business trip.

I’ll be visiting home later that week after I return from my company’s off site. I’m excited to see my parents and friends, but making plans with friends is already exhausting me. I’m going to literally be all over the place since my friends in Boston are all scattered. I’ve been considering for a while now that I really need to travel somewhere and relax. Maybe after I come back from Boston I’ll consider a trip, but there’s a lot of things factoring in as to if I can even travel anywhere. For now while I stay daydreaming about a much needed vacation, I’m trying to play catch up on both work and sleep. These next couple of weeks is going to be chaotic for me. Ugh!! Lately as soon as I get home from work I head straight to the shower and to my bed afterwards. I haven’t been eating dinner because that’s how tired I am. Today I’m working remotely from home because the commute has gotten exhausting and I feel 100x more tired than I did the past 2 days. I need to get more rest and to take better care of myself. I swear Daylight Savings is really fucking me up and it doesn’t make any sense since I gain an hour of sleep. WTF?!


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