As you get older you definitely try your best to please your parents. Maintaining good grades, attending and graduating college, getting your first adult job, etc. Any parent enjoys seeing their child doing well and being successful. Over the years there’s been a lot of pressure from my parents. It caused so much stress in my life that I’d often break down because there was just so much weight on my shoulders and a lot of expectations to fulfill. I’ve done my best to be the daughter that I can be since I am their only daughter and baby girl. I’ve always worked hard and they see how passionate and ambitious I am. I appreciate that a lot and they respect me for what I do. As happy as I can try to make them be, they have their moments where they are unsatisfied with me. I’m sure every parent is like that with their child. I try to make sure I’ve covered every aspect in my life to make them happy. Unfortunately I have one that’s still remains unchecked: my love life.
I was chatting with my mom on the phone tonight that has left me feeling unhappy and a bit pressured after our call ended. I usually avoid talking to her because I know I’ll either get mad or upset depending on the topic of discussion. Don’t get me wrong, we do have conversations where we joke around and talk about things. I love her and all, but there’s just certain topics that I avoid with my parents and that would mainly be about my love life. I’m generally very private about it. I’ve always been discreet about the guys I’ve dated, even when I was younger. I just don’t like so much attention being drawn on me especially being with a significant other. Plus, it’s been awhile since I’ve had a serious relationship, but even then I never brought that guy around. I want to make a great impression for my parents. I want them to like the guy as much as I do or close enough. That’s why they’ve never seen me bring a guy around or mention anything because to me I always felt they weren’t up to par for them.
While chatting with my mom she expressed her and my dad’s concern about my love life. They want me to have a boyfriend and to get married. These are reasonable and expected things for any parent to bring up to their child when they’re older. I understand where she’s coming from with having this “talk” with me. Her main thing is that she doesn’t want me to end up being lonely for the rest of my life. She wants me to reassure her that even if I do have a boyfriend, that he’s a good man. That nearly brought me to tears when she said that. I got choked up as I tried to respond by trying to lighten up the mood with some jokes. I joked around saying a boyfriend doesn’t pay for my bills and how happy I was with the way things are happening in my career, which is true. I also mentioned how most of the things in my life are in its place and that doesn’t mean I need to have a boyfriend to complete that “list”. False. My life is coming together and as I’ve gradually gotten successful out here, it does get lonely to not be able to share any of my happiness or experiences here with someone. The loneliness kicks into overdrive when everything around me is good, except my love life.
It’s not like I can’t get a boyfriend. I have a lot to offer any guy and I’m not being cocky about it. I’m confident in what I can offer to my significant other because I have the facts to back it all up. I just haven’t met anyone that has really caught my eye awhile. I’m pretty selective when it comes to guys. The last guy that did create any sparks for me was PC. I don’t know why, but for whatever reason I always never felt embarrassed or nervous if I was to ever introduce him to my parents. Weird, I know. He was probably one of the few guys that I’ve ever mentioned my parents to. I guess that’s how much potential I saw in him and still do. There was something really special about him that I couldn’t ever pinpoint but everything felt right and I still stand firmly by saying that. I couldn’t ever imagine bringing any of the past guys I’ve dated. I already know how my parents would’ve reacted to those guys and it would’ve just been all bad. They are right that I should have a boyfriend to take care of me and whatnot, but a part of me isn’t ready. I just hate having this talk and feeling lonelier than I do already. I’m envious of my friends that are in very genuine and sincere relationships. To see how sweet it is between a couple you crave for that kind of relationship more than anything. I think to myself that my friend is just the luckiest person in the world to have that and I’m really happy for them. Timing is everything and perhaps right now isn’t the right time for me to be in a relationship or maybe it’s the best time. Who knows? I just believe that things will naturally work itself out when the time comes and to not force it. I hope one day I can have the same as my friends so my parents won’t have to worry about me being lonely and growing old by myself. It just doesn’t get any easier to please my parents as I’ve gotten older.