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Monthly Archives: October 2014

As you get older you definitely try your best to please your parents. Maintaining good grades, attending and graduating college, getting your first adult job, etc. Any parent enjoys seeing their child doing well and being successful. Over the years there’s been a lot of pressure from my parents. It caused so much stress in my life that I’d often break down because there was just so much weight on my shoulders and a lot of expectations to fulfill. I’ve done my best to be the daughter that I can be since I am their only daughter and baby girl. I’ve always worked hard and they see how passionate and ambitious I am. I appreciate that a lot and they respect me for what I do. As happy as I can try to make them be, they have their moments where they are unsatisfied with me. I’m sure every parent is like that with their child. I try to make sure I’ve covered every aspect in my life to make them happy. Unfortunately I have one that’s still remains unchecked: my love life.

I was chatting with my mom on the phone tonight that has left me feeling unhappy and a bit pressured after our call ended. I usually avoid talking to her because I know I’ll either get mad or upset depending on the topic of discussion. Don’t get me wrong, we do have conversations where we joke around and talk about things. I love her and all, but there’s just certain topics that I avoid with my parents and that would mainly be about my love life. I’m generally very private about it. I’ve always been discreet about the guys I’ve dated, even when I was younger. I just don’t like so much attention being drawn on me especially being with a significant other. Plus, it’s been awhile since I’ve had a serious relationship, but even then I never brought that guy around. I want to make a great impression for my parents. I want them to like the guy as much as I do or close enough. That’s why they’ve never seen me bring a guy around or mention anything because to me I always felt they weren’t up to par for them.

While chatting with my mom she expressed her and my dad’s concern about my love life. They want me to have a boyfriend and to get married. These are reasonable and expected things for any parent to bring up to their child when they’re older. I understand where she’s coming from with having this “talk” with me. Her main thing is that she doesn’t want me to end up being lonely for the rest of my life. She wants me to reassure her that even if I do have a boyfriend, that he’s a good man. That nearly brought me to tears when she said that. I got choked up as I tried to respond by trying to lighten up the mood with some jokes. I joked around saying a boyfriend doesn’t pay for my bills and how happy I was with the way things are happening in my career, which is true. I also mentioned how most of the things in my life are in its place and that doesn’t mean I need to have a boyfriend to complete that “list”. False. My life is coming together and as I’ve gradually gotten successful out here, it does get lonely to not be able to share any of my happiness or experiences here with someone. The loneliness kicks into overdrive when everything around me is good, except my love life.

It’s not like I can’t get a boyfriend. I have a lot to offer any guy and I’m not being cocky about it. I’m confident in what I can offer to my significant other because I have the facts to back it all up. I just haven’t met anyone that has really caught my eye awhile. I’m pretty selective when it comes to guys. The last guy that did create any sparks for me was PC. I don’t know why, but for whatever reason I always never felt embarrassed or nervous if I was to ever introduce him to my parents. Weird, I know. He was probably one of the few guys that I’ve ever mentioned my parents to. I guess that’s how much potential I saw in him and still do. There was something really special about him that I couldn’t ever pinpoint but everything felt right and I still stand firmly by saying that. I couldn’t ever imagine bringing any of the past guys I’ve dated. I already know how my parents would’ve reacted to those guys and it would’ve just been all bad. They are right that I should have a boyfriend to take care of me and whatnot, but a part of me isn’t ready. I just hate having this talk and feeling lonelier than I do already. I’m envious of my friends that are in very genuine and sincere relationships. To see how sweet it is between a couple you crave for that kind of relationship more than anything. I think to myself that my friend is just the luckiest person in the world to have that and I’m really happy for them. Timing is everything and perhaps right now isn’t the right time for me to be in a relationship or maybe it’s the best time. Who knows? I just believe that things will naturally work itself out when the time comes and to not force it. I hope one day I can have the same as my friends so my parents won’t have to worry about me being lonely and growing old by myself. It just doesn’t get any easier to please my parents as I’ve gotten older.

This year was my first time attending the Treasure Island Music Festival, which is a 2 day music festival on Treasure Island in San Francisco. I’ve only gone to Treasure Island mainly for the monthly flea markets, which I enjoy going to. But when I heard about the music festival and the lineup I knew I had to go. There were a few people in the lineup that I recognized and liked, but there was a lot more that I’ve never heard of. Well there was some bands I heard of their songs, but never knew their name. I was very open to checking out this festival so I can broaden my musical interests. Luckily the “concert friends” that I hang out once in awhile were planning on going so it was nice that I wasn’t going to have to go by myself. After I found out they’re going, I figured the bands that I didn’t know and that they loved couldn’t be bad. I’ve heard the music that my concert friends love and I enjoy it as well. It was just a good way to expose myself to more music since I’m not as active with keeping up with trendy music and whatnot. One of the concert friends has gone to this event for the past 5 years and he shared his stories of his experience with this event, which made me really excited for it. So there’s 3 stages set up, well mainly 2. The Bridge Stage was the main stage, the Tunnel Stage was the secondary stage, and the sudo third stage was in “the Cove” called Silent Disco. Silent Disco is where you can listen to DJs playing with headphones. They had these huge headphones that you can wear and just chill or dance around in that area. I didn’t bother with it, but perhaps next year I’ll check it out.

Here’s the lineup for both days:

During day 1, I honestly didn’t know what to expect when we first got there. Surprisingly no crazy traffic when we arrived onto the island, which was a relief. It was oddly super hot in SF that day, so wearing jeans, a T-shirt and a jacket didn’t cut it. Usually it’s super windy and cold on the island, but not that day. We pretty much got to see a lot of people perform minus maybe 3 bands. I was really excited to see Janelle Monáe, Zedd and Outkast perform. I got to see Janelle Monáe perform my favorite song called “Prime Time”. I was singing along so loud to it and was dancing around. Concert friends laughed at me but I didn’t care lol. I was kidding when I told them that was my jam! Haha. I felt bad for when she first came on because she had some technical difficulties. So I didn’t hear the first two songs she sang. Zedd had really cool visuals. Highlight of the night was Outkast. They were awesome!! They played a lot of their classic old songs. Even though at this point I was extremely exhausted from standing up and walking around, I got so hyped up when they performed. I would love to see them perform again!

The next day when I woke up to get ready for day 2 of this festival, I was dreading it. I was extremely exhausted and just wanted to sleep. My whole body especially my feet was aching. I felt like such a grandma. Luckily the music lineup for day 2 was much more chill and laid back. I don’t think I could handle another day of dancing around all day long haha. I noticed some people brought their DSLRs the day before so I brought mines. I got crap for it at the entrance, but I didn’t give a fuck and kept walking into the festival because I thought it was bullshit that I couldn’t have mines since there was probably 200 other people with theirs. Hence the pictures I have posted in this entry. We first went up the art car which was a ship that’s usually at Burning Man to chill and listen to music. It was such a perfect spot to enjoy the view that afternoon and listen to music. It was really cool to see the massive crowd of people migrate from one stage to another after a band was done performing. I really wanted to stay up there all day but there was a line of people waiting to come up and I couldn’t be greedy.

I hung out with concert friends during a few bands playing then I wandered off to wait in line for the ferris wheel, take photos and to get some food. I didn’t really care for a couple of bands that were playing after the Growlers. I waited in line for an hour for that ferris wheel by myself. I didn’t want to drag concert friends away from the performances and I thought maybe I should man up and get over my fear of heights and go alone. That kinda failed because the couple in front of me that I was chatting with was really nice and invited me to join them on the ride. I felt like such a third wheel lol. In return I took a photo for them and handed the woman my business card to contact me for the photo. Fair trade off. The view of the festival and the skyline was so beautiful. They need to place a permanent ferris wheel on that island lol.

After I got off I lingered around some more to take photos. At one point I sat on the grass eating my food, going through my camera of the photos I took and made a new friend doing all of this haha. This girl sitting next to me started talking to me and we got into this really great conversation. Turns out she lives in SJ and is also an East Coast transplant like myself. Well Toronto if that kinda counts haha. She was really nice and also we’re both techie people so we got into discussing about tech stuff and whatnot. Concert friends texted me to meet up with them for the major performances before the night ended. I handed her my business card and told her to hit me up to chill some time. It was refreshing to talk to someone from the East Coast and for her to understand yet poke fun at Californians like how I do haha.

As exhausting as this event was, it was an amazing time. I’m glad I went. It was nice to just dance around and not give a fuck. It was a great stress reliever and I felt happy again just enjoying myself. It felt great to be able to temporarily put aside my sadness. I really needed this. Would I go again next year? Maybe depending on the lineup. Would I go both days again? Maybe lol. It was just so tiring. I’m such a grandma now ever since I moved to Cali. I really can’t hang like I used to and I’ve grown accustomed to extremely low key weekends. But if you’ve never gone before, it’s definitely an event to check out. It was such a great experience with such awesome music and beautiful art all over. I’d love to go with my friends from Boston next year though!

Here were my favorites from the festival:

  • Painted Palms
  • Tobacco
  • Ratking
  • XXYYXX
  • Jungle – absolutely love them!
  • Ryan Hemsworth
  • Janelle Monáe
  • Ryan Hemsworth
  • Classixx – absolutely love them!
  • Zedd
  • Outkast
  • Ásgeir
  • Banks
  • The Growlers
  • Chet Faker
  • Alt-J – love him too
  • Washed Out – awesome!
  • Massive Attack – love them too!

Hope that list of my favorite bands is helpful if you’re looking for new music to listen and is openminded about music like myself. Enjoy the photos! 🙂

http://treasureislandfestival.com/2014/

Baek Ji Young – That Woman (Secret Garden OST)

One woman loves you
That woman loves you wholeheartedly
She follows you around like a shadow everyday
That woman is laughing and crying
 
How much… just how much more?
Do I have to gaze at you like this? alone…
This love that came like the wind
This love that is like a beggar
If I continue this way will you love me? OH~
 
Just a little nearer, come~ a little more~
If I take one step closer to you
You take two steps away
I who love you am still now next to you
That woman is crying
 
That woman’s personality is very timid
Therefore she learned how to smile
What she cannot say so much even to her best friend…
That woman’s heart which is full of tears
So that woman…
When she is loving you the same way
Yet another fool.. yet another fool
Can’t you just hug me before you go? OH~
I want to receive love
Day by day in my heart, only in my heart…
Just like this calling to you.. that woman today also
Is by your side. OH~~
 
That woman is me, do you know?
It’s not that you know it but still act this, no?
You must have not known
Because you´re a big fool~
How much… just how much more?
Do I have to gaze at you like this? alone…
This love that came like the wind
This love that is like a beggar
If I continue this way will you love me? OH~
Just a little nearer, come~ a little more~
If I take one step closer to you
You take two steps away
I who love you am still now next to you
That woman is crying

After our cruising along Highway 1 adventure with my friends that were in town visiting, we did even more touristy stuff in SF the next day haha. Once again I was glad to have done all of this with friends that’s never gone to these places before. These places were on my list for quite some time, but like I mentioned it’s more enjoyable with company especially if they have a DSLR, too. I’ve heard great things about a lot of these places and one I’ve been to quite often which is Treasure Island. Here’s a list of the places we stopped for our photo adventure:

– Japantown

– Alamo Square to see the Painted Ladies aka Full House

– Drove down the Divisadero which is one really steep street in SF haha

– Drove down Lombard. Unfortunately weren’t able to get out of the car to take pics of it and was only to take pics from driving down the curvy street.

– Treasure Island: it happened to be Fleet Week in SF so it was the perfect spot to catch the Blue Angels air show!

– Twin Peaks

– Marin Headlands for a better view of the Golden Gate Bridge and to see the sunset

Back in January 25, 2014 I wrote an entry that had some pictures of San Francisco when I had some close friends from home visiting. We did a photo adventure, but it definitely can’t match up to the one I went on with other friends visiting last weekend. It almost makes me want to go back to retake some of these photos but also I think in some way my photography skills has improved. I was rusty earlier in the year since I wasn’t as active with my camera.

Here’s the link to that old entry if you want to view the photos of where I went during that time: click here

 

Hope you enjoyed the photos! That should be all of the touristy things for now! Wish I had my friends here so we can go on photo adventures often. For now I’m stuck on these adventures alone until any of my friends decides to visit Cali. I still have yet gone to a few museums and certain tourist attractions, but that shall be saved for anyone else that decides to visit me. 🙂

Ever since I moved to California, I’ve been told many great things for what’s along Highway 1 especially Big Sur. Never wanted to really do the drive alone since it’s definitely a drive I’d prefer to have some company with. Luckily I had friends from Boston visiting last weekend which commenced for a photo adventure. Definitely didn’t want to pass up on the opportunity to experience the amazing views. Each stop was gradually breath taking. I suggest anyone to take a day to drive along Highway 1 to really experience the scenic views. Don’t forget to bring some beer, too! We had a beer before we ventured off to enjoy our last stop during this drive. Here’s a list of where we stopped:

– Pescadero State Beach

– Pebble Beach to see the Lone Cypress Tree

– Point Lobos

– Bixby Bridge

– Pfeiffer Falls

My favorite spots were Point Lobos and Pfeiffer Falls. I wouldn’t mind going back to Point Lobos one of these weekends to hike. There was something so calming about this place for me. Luckily we were able to make it to Pfeiffer Falls right in time before the sun set. It was beautiful. I was surprised to see a bridal party just leaving Pfeiffer Falls after their ceremony ended as we were walking onto the trail. Pretty cool idea.

IMG_3871

Thanks again to my friend JP for driving! Of course when we arrived back to San Jose we had to have all you can eat Korean BBQ as well as lots of beer and soju at YakiniQ. Yay! Perfect way to end a great day. Got lots of great pics but still really need to get a better lens!! Had time to make change my wallpaper with all the photos I’ve taken!

Working from home :)

It was a really great time and I was glad to share this experience with friends that’s never gone before. 🙂

All I’ve ever wanted was an answer. Is that too much to ask for? I’m tired of being the maintenance person trying to tend to every repair needed and to make things better. I’ve tried every possible solution to make this better, but I end up pushing him away and things get worst with the silence on his end. All he had to do was to say something. Anything!! He could’ve said all the wrong things and apologize for it later. It still would’ve been an answer. I’m not mad. I’m frustrated and confused. Why do you have to do this to me? Whenever I think about the question “did I drive you away?” it reminds me of the Coldplay song called “Sparks” because that’s a lingering question that remains unanswered. Why do I have to be pushed to the side lines? It just shows he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Does all of this craziness have to happen for things to fix itself?

It saddens me and breaks my heart to tell him to forget about me. Slowly typing each word broke my heart bit by bit. I wanted to cry after I hit “Send”. I don’t ever want that but maybe that’s the answer and solution to all of this. I was always scared to know that I wasn’t ever in his thoughts or that he forgot about me, but maybe it has to be this way. I honestly wish we were strangers and met for the first time again. Maybe things could’ve turned out differently and maybe better than what things are now. I hate where we currently stand. I hate feeling this way. I hate crying. I wish he was here to hold me and to just tell me all the answers that I’ve wanted to hear. But that’ll never happen.

I miss everything about him yet oddly enough I feel like a part of me doesn’t know who he is anymore. Maybe the feeling is mutual on his end. I don’t know because there’s never an answer. No matter what I still want to stay and be there for him so we can fix it all together. But I accepted my role and it’s nowhere for me to be in his life as much as I want to be there. It really upsets me to have to think that way. All I want to do is to make him happy, I want to make him laugh when he’s mad, I want to add more little things to the shoe box of my letters that he has, I want him to be here so we can enjoy the view at Sierra Point, I want him to tell me he cares, misses me and needs me. The list can go on and on. I miss it all and wish I can have him back again.

I’m just extremely saddened to be at this point of unanswered questions or anything. I really wish it wasn’t like this but all he had to do was to speak up. I sit here in tears constantly asking myself what went wrong and why can’t we fix this already? I just want to be happy with him but reality is he’s already hopefully happy and okay without me. I wished things between us were a lot better because I would’ve enjoyed spending all the time we have together if he was here. I still remember and miss how sweet everything was when we first talked.

There’s a lot of wishful thinking in mind.