Archive

Monthly Archives: September 2014

MSTRKRFT feat. John LegendHeartbreaker

Remember when I caught your eye
you gave me rainbows and butterflies
we did enjoy our happiness
when our love was over
I was such a mess

I smiled at you
and you smiled back
that’s when I knew
there’s no turning back
you said you loved me
and I did too
now though it’s over
I still love you

you’re in my mind
you’re in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start

I tried to fight it
I tried so hard
and every day
I pray to god
that you and me were meant to be
but you had another
you had a lover

And now is gone
I don’t know why
I feel like crying
just want to die
I can’t look at you
and you know why
no, I tried so hard
to catch your eye

you’re in my mind
you’re in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start

you’re in my mind
you’re in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start

Last Friday I got to be a part of something so beautiful and sweet. A friend of mines from middle school who now resides in Socal contacted me that she was going to go to San Francisco City Hall to get her marriage certificate. She was in need of a photographer so I took up that task. I didn’t charge her anything since I’m not a professional nor am I a freelance photographer. I’ve mainly done product shoots and some photography for my own design work. But I primarily do it as a hobby than as a business. I was excited yet nervous about taking on this task. I wanted it to be perfect since this was a very important day to her and her fiancé.

I picked them up and off to city hall we went. Luckily the weather was pretty nice in SF that day because the day before it had rained. As soon as we arrived inside of city hall I was amazed at how beautiful the interior of it was. Now I really understood why she came up to Norcal to get this done here. I’ve only taken one shot of the exterior before and never been inside. It’s definitely a place you have to visit. There were lots of other couples waiting to get married, checking in and getting their photos taken. I didn’t realize the people working there were all volunteers. I thought that was a really great thing to do on their end.

While we were waiting during the whole check in process, I took some photos for them. L (the bride to be) was pretty much directing me, which was fine by me. I had no idea what to tell her to do so I told her to just do whatever she wants. After taking a few photos L and I got to chat for a bit and it was great catching up with her. It was really refreshing to see a friend from home. I think the last time I had seen her was on her birthday back in Boston 2 years ago. To see her again on her wedding day was so crazy, but I am extremely happy for her. It was my first time meeting her fiancé and they were so cute and sweet together. Finally it was their turn for the ceremony. During this whole process, I tried so hard not to cry as I’m taking the photos. It was one of the sweetest moments I got to witness in my life. You just see how their relationship is so sweet and genuine. I told her she was the luckiest girl in the world to have such a good man in her life.

We took some more photos before we left. Luckily a lot of people were leaving city hall so there weren’t as many people in the photos I took. I got done editing her photos last night and e-mailed them to her. I felt extremely relieved that she loved the photos. I was scared I didn’t take enough or they weren’t up to par. Glad they exceeded her expectations for the most part. I got kinda teary eyed when I was editing the photos of them exchanging their vows and what not. It was so sweet.

Anyways, I came to a realization I need a better lens since I just have the standard 18-135mm lens for my Canon 60D. Going to start browsing for a better lens whenever I have the chance. Suggestions are welcomed!

Hope you enjoy a few of the photos I posted! 🙂

Every woman wants to be chased by potentially the right guy. It’s flattering and exciting. As for me, I have extremely horrible luck with men. Not saying I can’t get a guy or anything. I’ve grown to be relatively selective in who I like over the years. I know what I like and what I want, but I also know that you can’t always get what you want. I’ve come to a realization that the type of men I attract are the ones I’m not attracted to and ones that are unavailable. It’s frustrating and exhausting. I hate having to give the speech as to why I’m not interested. Yes, I even have to give this stupid lecture to the unavailable men as well. So stupid…

Lets start off with the men that I’m not attracted to. It’s by no means about their physical appearance lets just put that one out there. Don’t get me wrong, I think we’re all shallow to some degree. I’ll admit that I’m a bit shallow but it’s probably a height qualification since I’m tall for an Asian girl. Anyways, I’m not attracted to them as they are attracted to me mainly because of their personality. Biggest deal breaker. I don’t care how good or bad you look, but if you’re boring as fuck or have no substance I won’t even look in your direction. By substance, I mean this person has to have goals, a career, passion, something that makes you stand out to me. We all seek for that spark in someone and that’s what I try to look for in everyone. The boring aspect is pretty self explanatory. If you can’t hold a conversation with me or anyone, don’t expect to hear from me again. Yes, it’s harsh but if I don’t want to date you and you’re that boring I don’t really want to be your friend. You have nothing on your plate to offer me but silence and maybe the ability to fall asleep faster.

Now onto the unavailable men. I hate this the most. I’ve noticed this reoccurring pattern of taken men that just want their slice of the cake, too. I am not that woman for you. I do not flirt with these men at all. I don’t dress provocatively nor do I treat them any different from my guy and even girl friends. I’ve been told I’m an easy person to talk to and I’m very laid back, but that’s not by any means a signal for “please get in my pants” or “I want you”. For any taken guy to even want to pursue anything with me while they’re still with their significant other is extremely disrespectful and disgusting. I feel disrespected to even be put in that position. I give the whole “hey, listen…” speech and make myself as crystal clear as possible. Of course these are stupid men so it goes in one ear and out the other. They tell me how attracted they are to me physically and personality wise. I don’t buy into any of it.

The more they tell me they want me, the more worthless I feel as a woman. I feel so misunderstood by these men. It’s annoying and frustrating. I’m tired of being looked at in a certain way by these taken men and just attracting the ones I don’t want. I’m honestly not doing anything to them. If I am, I’d rather it be someone that I’m relatively interested in. If they’re misunderstanding my kindness for something else then it’s not my fault. I’m nice to almost everyone but that’s because I’m polite and I have manners. Not to sound overly confident, but I don’t think I’m a bad catch at all yet I’m reeling in the ones that I don’t want at all. I have a lot to offer any man and I just haven’t met the one that’s really acknowledged my worth as woman. I work hard, independent, funny, sentimental, kind, honest, loyal, and etc. I don’t want to toot my own horn listing all of that, but are those type of qualities so bad that I can’t catch the right guy?

I’m just really tired of this. Deep down it creates a big scar the more this occurs. Like I mentioned, the more this happens, my worth as a woman decreases. Is there something wrong with me that I’m not seeing? What is it??? I just want to be genuinely loved, appreciated and respected…

This past Sunday I went to SF to check out this event my coworker told me about. It was the 1st Annual Haight Street Music & Merchants Street Festival. It was pretty much a block party in the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood in SF. The headliners of this free event was Erykah Badu (DJ Lo Down Loretta Brown) and Talib Kweli. There were various performers as well, but not sure of their names since I didn’t see an online flyer with their names. I was all for checking out this event since I didn’t get to see Erykah Badu back in February/March when I went to a concert in SF. She had changed line ups with someone else and came on last and that concert went on until 3AM and I was exhausted. I was always bummed out that I never got to see her. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity again. I decided to bring my DSLR with me and just check out the event by myself. I know my friends back at home would’ve loved this event since they like hip hop.

I got really lucky with parking when I got into SF. I parked down the street from the second stage that was being set up. I walked around since it was the other end of Haight St. that I’ve never been on. I’ve mainly been around Lower Haight before. The event was from 12-6PM, so after I parked it was 1PM. I decided to just go into this one restaurant that I was in front of to get some food and a few beers before it got crowded. I got a perfect window seat where I could see the stage. The windows at the restaurant were opened so I was just chillen there with a beer and enjoying the good music. Had my legs rested on the ledge of the window and it was very relaxing. Got to do a lot of people watching, which was pretty entertaining haha.

Talked to a few random people while waiting around for Erykah Badu. Eventually I got up and went outside to dance around to the music. It was fun dancing around with strangers. I felt so care free and pretty much everyone there didn’t give a fuck about anything. It was really awesome to be around that since it reminded me of the fun I used to have back at home with friends or even meeting strangers whenever I was out. Everyone was really nice and we all came to this event just to enjoy ourselves. Finally Erykah Badu came on and I stayed til almost the end. Too bad I didn’t get to see Talib Kweli. I’m only assuming he was at the other stage at the other end of the block. I was not going to try to even talk through that crowd to see him haha. I wasn’t even too far from the end of the block I was at and it took me forever to just walk a few steps to get out so I can walk back to my car. Overall, it was a really fun event and hopefully they have it again next year. It definitely would’ve been more fun to have some company, but nonetheless it was still a ton of fun! The whole purpose of this event is to supposedly bring the neighborhood together, which is really great thing. I really wouldn’t even mind living in that neighborhood, but SF is too damn expensive for my bank account haha.

Here’s a link to much better photos than what I took: click here and here

Some time last week while I was on the phone with my mom, she had mentioned how I should go buy some moon cake and have a nice dinner since August Moon was approaching. I was looking considering on doing it today since I worked from home and had a bit of spare time to go grocery shopping, but I wasn’t feeling well all day so that plan didn’t follow through. My landlord’s parents are in town visiting and his mom always kinda scared me. She just looks like a mean old lady, but turns out she’s not haha. I was getting some water in the kitchen and she spoke to me in Mandarin saying they’re going to have dinner tonight because of August Moon. She had to repeat herself in Cantonese since I don’t understand nor do I speak Mandarin. I kindly replied and appreciated the invite and just told her I didn’t want to disrupt their plans, but she kept insisting that I join. I offered to help with prepping the food and cooking, but she said it’s all set and when dinner is ready she’ll let me know. I thought the invite was really sweet that I kinda teared up when I got back into my room. It was just a really nice gesture on her end since I wasn’t looking forward to having the usual “table for one” kinda dinner or any meal by myself.

Afterwards, I grabbed my keys and went out to the Chinese market where they have a deli section and I bought some soy sauce chicken. I didn’t want to sit at this table without having helped with the cooking or anything. I thought this would at least be something than nothing to have offered them. I spoke to my parents and told them I was going to eat dinner with my landlord and etc., and that I had bought some extra food. My parents were joking around how I’m suddenly so polite and well mannered, but they commented saying that I’m a really good girl for doing that. I’m glad that made them happy. After everyone at the table was slowly finishing dinner, I was clearing the table and bringing the dirty dishes to the sink. I was about to wash them and then my landlord’s mom shoved me lol. I told her how I want to clean the dishes since they did all the cooking. We fought over the sink and I eventually gave up and walked away haha. Fiesty old lady, but very sweet as well.

I noticed that when it came to Chinese holidays, my landlord has always been very hospitable and welcoming for me to join them and having dinner together. It’s a really kind gesture and I really appreciate it. I take those little things to heart and I am very grateful to have met such kind people. They make me feel like they’re my little family and home away from home since I don’t have any family here at all. I’m a very lucky girl to know people like them. 🙂

The other day after I wrote my “Farewell JB” post, later that day there was even more great news! My boss usually schedules these one on one’s with each person on my team. Pretty much a quick catch up session on what’s going on and that everything is okay. This was my first one with him. We stepped into the conference room and he asked how I was doing and to pretty much share my feedback on how things  are going. I told him I felt like I’m growing and learning a lot. Just giving him lots of great feedback. In return he gave me awesome feedback as well. Turns out he offered to extend my contract and I’m getting a raise! WOO HOO!!! I was so close to crying because I was so surprised and happy. All my hard work has finally paid off. I was really flattered when he told me how happy he was to have me on the team and if they consider hiring again, he hopes they find someone just like me. That really hit me hard. I was so overwhelmed with all this awesome news. As soon as our meeting was over I texted close friends and made an announcement. I told them what with this promotion, it means I can finally fly home to see my family and friends. They were excited to know I’ll be back this Thanksgiving. I was honestly really scared and sad that I was going to have to spend another holiday alone. Really glad I’m not.

After I moved to Cali, I told myself I wasn’t allowed to fly back home until I got to where I needed to be in my career. I was very firm about that and at moments I broke down because I wanted to go home so badly since it is very lonely here. It was easy for me to have packed my things and drive across the country to be here. I told myself I had to work hard to earn that plane ticket home. I wouldn’t want to come back to visit often since I was still adjusting to a new lifestyle and I would just return to Cali being more homesick. Plus I really had nothing to show for at the time and I wouldn’t want to visit home being unemployed and whatnot. It would be a total blow to my pride and I’m just stubborn like that. My family and friends has seen me struggle and grow since I’ve been out here. They’ve always been very supportive and caring from afar because they knew how hard things were for me. My family and friends were always at the other line of the phone and have heard me crying and the frustration I’ve dealt with. It definitely is a different ball game out here for my career. I never realized designers were primarily contractors whereas in Boston there were more permanent, full time positions. I took that gamble that I wasn’t going to have that stability, but at least I got exposed to different companies and have met smart and talented people during this journey.

To gain the respect and appreciation that I’ve recently received from my colleague especially my boss truly means everything to me. I’ve fought so hard before and during the start of my career. I remember all the negative feedback I got and how people kept trying to persuade me to pursue another career path. This is my moment where I feel like I’ve really proved people wrong and giving that middle finger to everyone that doubted me. I know I’m a great designer and I definitely feel like I’ve reached “ah-ha” moment in my career that I’ve always been wanting so badly. I feel as if this moment has erased all the bad things that has occurred in my life especially during my time living here in Cali. It has all been subsided by this abundance of success in my life. I forgot about how horrible people were mean to me, the struggle of finding a job, being homesick, etc. It still makes me want to cry for what I’ve accomplished, but that hasn’t happened haha. I’m all about setting goals and achieving them, but this is the best one yet. Going to continue working harder and staying humble like I’ve always done in the beginning. I am really looking forward to visiting home and celebrating with the people that has always stood by me. 🙂

This afternoon after I came back into my office from grabbing lunch from a nearby food truck, I got semi bombarded by my colleague. He kindly asked if I had some time to chat and I said of course. He quickly mentioned that he had two bits of good news to tell me. I didn’t know what to think when he said this. We stepped into the conference room, door closed and he told me the news. First he will be leaving the company in 3 weeks, which he’s happy about since he wasn’t working on necessary projects. Secondly, his e-Book that he wrote just released and will need to focus on promotional efforts. I congratulated him about his book, but was bummed that he was leaving. I recently learned a bit more about him 2 weeks ago after having a pretty intellectual conversation in regards of User Experience design and whatnot. He’s worked with brilliant people in his past and he himself is a brilliant mind as well. It was very intriguing and I joked around with him saying he is a man of few words, but a few intelligent words. He’s the type of person that observes and chooses wisely of what words he’s going to use when he speaks. I love it! So after he told me the two bits of news, he told me he definitely wants to keep in touch with me and for me to hopefully be a part of something exciting. He was considering writing a book about UX (User Experience) and would love for me to be a part of it. He mentioned I will be compensated and I told him I wouldn’t accept his money. I told him I felt really honored and extremely rewarded to work with such a smart man. He was definitely flattered. We continued chatting some more and it’s great to connect with someone that shares the same mind set as myself when it comes to design and a few other things in general. After our chat, we exchanged business cards so we can keep in touch. I’m still quite giddy and excited about our discussion this afternoon. I really hope this project moves forward since it will be a pretty awesome collaborating session. I’m still really flattered for him to want me on board yet alone to be considered to be a part of that project. It definitely gives me that extra boost of confidence in my work. 🙂

• Here’s an article that he wrote for UX Magazine: http://uxmag.com/articles/everything-i-really-need-to-know-about-user-experience-i-learned-in-sunday-school

• Here’s a look at his newly released eBook, which is also available on Amazon: http://www.wayfind.com/habib.html