Bad Day

 

Do you ever get that feeling that something bad is gonna happen? I’ve just been sensing that lately but I tried not to think about it so much. It’s definitely been a rough day. It was like a domino effect of bad luck. I wouldn’t be surprised if something else happened right now.

First I was already slightly bummed out when I woke up this morning. I finally picked up my California license plates yesterday and had to swap out my Massachusetts ones since they need to be mailed back. I know it  all sounds stupid and it’s really not a big deal, but to me that was really the literal last piece of home I had with me. All of the road trips and adventures I went on driving my car with that plate for the past 10 years holds a lot of memories for me. It came with me here to California and now it’s going back to Boston without me. I feel 100x lonelier than I do already. Like I said, I know how stupid it sounds but oh well. I got over it until…

Looks like I’m available on the job market again. I was working from home today and after lunch I received that call from my recruiter about my contract. It ends next Friday and unfortunately it won’t be extended. I kinda had a feeling that it wasn’t going to be since I have horrible luck and timing with things. I’ve been really stressed out about it as to what the deciding factor would be. I felt a lot of pressure from my parents to maintain this job. Shit, I’ve been busting my ass at this job hence the lack of blog posts. I asked the recruiter as to why my company wouldn’t extend it and I’m glad she was honest with me. I need to take that comment with a grain of salt and help strengthen my skill. I know I’m a good designer, but that one little comment made such a big difference in keeping this job. Even though I’ll be moving forward with potential opportunities, I keep trying to remind myself that I am only here in California for my career and to build up my resume. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL, CONNIE!! What makes me emotional about this is that I’ve developed a great bond with my team and it was awesome to work with a group of smart, kind, and extremely talented people. They made me laugh everyday so that subsided the homesickness and loneliness a lot for me. It just sucks that I won’t be around that anymore.

Before I found out the news this evening, I was talking to my parents and they kept saying to me to do my best to keep this job. I know there’s a lot of issues in my household right now and I can’t do anything from afar, but I was hoping this job could’ve done a lot more for me so I can help my family. A little while ago my dad made his usual call to me, and I just bursted into tears when I saw his phone call. I was scared to face him and my mom with the news, but you can already tell in my tone that I wasn’t myself. I definitely don’t hide my emotions well. It didn’t take him long to pry it out of me for what was wrong. As I told him and said each word in that sentence out loud, the tears kept coming. It was so hard for me to hide the fact that I was crying. I told my dad I had to hang up and I just wanted to be alone. He said some sweet and encouraging words to me before our call ended. A few minutes later my mom called to check on me. I just didn’t want to repeat the same thing again or to answer any questions. I know my parents are worried about me and they’re being as comforting as they can. Yet at the same time I feel horrible. I kept apologizing to my mom while I’m crying. I’m beating myself up so bad for everything.

Quite frankly, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to be left alone and I’ll be okay. I’m really mad at myself for everything. All day long I’ve questioned my decision in moving here. It’s been almost a year since I’ve left Boston and I wonder everyday, what good has come from this move? Should I just move back already? I really miss home, my family, and my friends. If I wasn’t so far, a hug from any of them to comfort me right now would be the best thing I could ask for.

I wish for better days to come. That’s all I want in my life right now.

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6 comments
  1. VNlilMAN said:

    Tell them you lost the plates! California doesn’t really care for them, they just tell you to “destroy” them.
    I hope things turn around for you.
    I’ve held the same job for 14 years (trust, i’m not rubbing it in because this is not my chosen career). Lately i’ve been toying around the idea of finding something else. I mean how exciting would things be… Sadly i’m too chicken shit to leave.

    • Connie said:

      I know Cali doesn’t care, but MA wants it back.

  2. happyobligations said:

    do you feel like you don’t have as many opportunities back in boston? i feel like you could still find jobs and live closer to home. a year is a pretty decently long period of time to try out a new job. i took a similar risk moving far from home in order to try to get work and i told myself i’d give myself a year. it’s been about 7 months now and i’m pretty happy where i am, but i think that’s mainly because i hate living at home with my parents and i’d rather live alone here than with them lol

    • Connie said:

      Design opportunities aren’t that great. Not much room for growth and that’s why I came to Cali. If I wanted to be close to home along with great opportunities close to home, I could’ve moved to NY. This whole experience has been about growth in my career and my personal life as well as taking myself out of my comfort zone. I’ve had my own place back in Boston for a long time and I lived with my parents for a bit prior to my move to Cali. So it wasn’t the matter of who I lived with. It’s just been a difficult experience for me out here. It’s even harder when you’re so many miles away and can’t be there like you used to for your loved ones. But I constantly tell myself that I’m here for work. I’m hoping things will look up soon.

      • happyobligations said:

        I hope so too!

  3. Hey girl. I just stumbled on your blog. I hope things are looking better for you now, but the same thing happened to me today with one of my freelance jobs. I am a freelance writer and I was actually working with a company in SF that decided to end one of its projects that I was working on and my entire team was let go.
    I hope you are doing well and look forward to reading more of your posts 🙂

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