Bittersweet Last Day

Mochi galore

Even though today was my last day at my job, yesterday was the last time I saw my coworkers since we all work from home on Fridays. A lot of people on my team didn’t have a clue that Friday would be my last day or as to why I wasn’t gonna say. Regardless of what they think it is, that didn’t matter to them. We decided to go out for lunch one last time as a team at this Thai restaurant in Santa Clara. The food was good and it was a great time hanging out with them. It was no different in or out of the office since we tend to joke around A LOT. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by at this job where I haven’t gone home laughing hard. That was definitely a memory I’ll cherish the most at this job. Not only did we all produce great work as a team, but they were like my little family and we shared a great bond not only as designers but as friends. After lunch and we got back to the office, one of my coworkers that wasn’t able to make it to lunch since she was coming in later, she brought in a box of mochi from Japan Town. It was such a sweet gesture. I almost started crying but I just said thanks and gave her a hug. She is hands down the funniest person I’ve ever met. A lady will no filter and a great sense of humor will always win me over haha. We mingled around some more and enjoyed the treats. The day was coming to an end and I was ready to pack up and go. Before I shut down my computer I sent my team a thank you e-mail with my contact information. Came 5:00PM and my team said goodbye to me and wished me well. The moment they hugged me I was so close to crying again. They are the nicest people I’ve met here in California so far. I always looked forward to going to work with such great colleagues. I’ve never really been so close with my coworkers at previous jobs yet along the entire team collectively. They helped subside my loneliness and my homesickness. Who knew I’d get so attached to such an amazing group of people? I’ve been lucky to have made such great friends and I hope I never lose touch with these people. Things definitely won’t be the same without them, but like my boss said to me “our paths will cross again someday”.

Mychael Danna – (And) The Winner Is

Generally we have music playing in our office on the company’s tablet, and this song came on when I was packing my things and saying goodbye to everyone. The song kinda suited the moment. I was trying so hard to fight back the tears hearing this song in the background while everyone was hugging me. I said so little so I wouldn’t start crying. One of my coworkers who started the same time as me walked me to my car. Her and I have grown close and it was interesting because she was my first hello and my last goodbye at the company. It was a very bittersweet goodbye. This song will always remind me of them and the good times we had together. There was never a bad day with them nor was anyone in this team disliked.

Onto bigger and better things in my career. I do hope our paths will cross again someday.


Bad Day


Do you ever get that feeling that something bad is gonna happen? I’ve just been sensing that lately but I tried not to think about it so much. It’s definitely been a rough day. It was like a domino effect of bad luck. I wouldn’t be surprised if something else happened right now.

First I was already slightly bummed out when I woke up this morning. I finally picked up my California license plates yesterday and had to swap out my Massachusetts ones since they need to be mailed back. I know it  all sounds stupid and it’s really not a big deal, but to me that was really the literal last piece of home I had with me. All of the road trips and adventures I went on driving my car with that plate for the past 10 years holds a lot of memories for me. It came with me here to California and now it’s going back to Boston without me. I feel 100x lonelier than I do already. Like I said, I know how stupid it sounds but oh well. I got over it until…

Looks like I’m available on the job market again. I was working from home today and after lunch I received that call from my recruiter about my contract. It ends next Friday and unfortunately it won’t be extended. I kinda had a feeling that it wasn’t going to be since I have horrible luck and timing with things. I’ve been really stressed out about it as to what the deciding factor would be. I felt a lot of pressure from my parents to maintain this job. Shit, I’ve been busting my ass at this job hence the lack of blog posts. I asked the recruiter as to why my company wouldn’t extend it and I’m glad she was honest with me. I need to take that comment with a grain of salt and help strengthen my skill. I know I’m a good designer, but that one little comment made such a big difference in keeping this job. Even though I’ll be moving forward with potential opportunities, I keep trying to remind myself that I am only here in California for my career and to build up my resume. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL, CONNIE!! What makes me emotional about this is that I’ve developed a great bond with my team and it was awesome to work with a group of smart, kind, and extremely talented people. They made me laugh everyday so that subsided the homesickness and loneliness a lot for me. It just sucks that I won’t be around that anymore.

Before I found out the news this evening, I was talking to my parents and they kept saying to me to do my best to keep this job. I know there’s a lot of issues in my household right now and I can’t do anything from afar, but I was hoping this job could’ve done a lot more for me so I can help my family. A little while ago my dad made his usual call to me, and I just bursted into tears when I saw his phone call. I was scared to face him and my mom with the news, but you can already tell in my tone that I wasn’t myself. I definitely don’t hide my emotions well. It didn’t take him long to pry it out of me for what was wrong. As I told him and said each word in that sentence out loud, the tears kept coming. It was so hard for me to hide the fact that I was crying. I told my dad I had to hang up and I just wanted to be alone. He said some sweet and encouraging words to me before our call ended. A few minutes later my mom called to check on me. I just didn’t want to repeat the same thing again or to answer any questions. I know my parents are worried about me and they’re being as comforting as they can. Yet at the same time I feel horrible. I kept apologizing to my mom while I’m crying. I’m beating myself up so bad for everything.

Quite frankly, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to be left alone and I’ll be okay. I’m really mad at myself for everything. All day long I’ve questioned my decision in moving here. It’s been almost a year since I’ve left Boston and I wonder everyday, what good has come from this move? Should I just move back already? I really miss home, my family, and my friends. If I wasn’t so far, a hug from any of them to comfort me right now would be the best thing I could ask for.

I wish for better days to come. That’s all I want in my life right now.