I’m tired and scared. I’m so scared of anyone getting close to me because I know they won’t stay around long. I just want to warn them before they come any closer to just slowly back off to save myself the trouble. Even if we share a great conversation or similar interests, I’m scared to get my hopes up. I feel extremely guarded and my walls are up so high that I don’t want anyone to come into my life anymore just to only walk out so quickly. It’s very upsetting and disappointing. I have good people in my life, but when it comes to my love life I feel so cursed. I feel like I’m not meant to be with a genuinely nice guy. No matter how open minded I try to be to give people chances or how cautious I try to be, it never works out.
I’m at the point where I feel like there’s something totally wrong with me. I’m vulnerable and insecure. Am I really that unwanted by any man? I know I’m a good girl and I have a lot to offer, so what is wrong??? I found myself burying my face into my hands sobbing hysterically. I really want to know what is wrong with me. My friends has said to me nothing is wrong with me and tried to comfort me with their words, but it’s not enough for me to believe that. My basket has reached its maximum capacity of bad apples.
I just feel like what I can offer to any man isn’t enough. I work hard, I’m ambitious, responsible, determined, mindful, family oriented, active, funny, etc. I don’t want to continue boasting about myself because I’m not cocky like that. But what is wrong? Aren’t those the qualities a man looks for in a woman? I can easily make friends and they stay. Why can’t it be the same in my love life? I’m so tired of the “Wrongs” and just want a nice, smart guy. Clearly that’s too much to ask for. I’m not extremely desperate for a relationship right now, but I’m ready to settle down and I don’t want to fuck around anymore. I feel like everything else in my life is coming together except that one aspect in my life. I’m not expecting the next guy to come into my life to be my husband instantly, but I definitely prefer something serious and long term. I just feel extremely unwanted by any man to want to commit to me.
As much as I’d love to meet someone, I need a break and time to myself. I’m not in the right place emotionally to be involved with anyone right now and it would be unfair to them. I’m open to meeting people, but I’d prefer to keep them at an arms length. Not like they’re going to stay anyways. I just need to protect myself because I’m so tired of getting hurt.