Everyone has their ways of coping with certain situations. As for me and how I currently am, I prefer to not talk to anyone. I already interact a lot with my coworkers during work. I like to spend the remainder of my time outside of work in peace. It’s nothing personal towards anyone. I just have nothing to say nor am I really in the mood to socialize. I just want to be alone with peace and quiet. I’d rather not discuss my feelings as I’m trying to forget it all. I’m already reminded enough as is when I sit in silence. I know it’s best to talk about it but right now for me I’d rather not. I already rant about it enough as is on here.
I’ve been spending a lot working out and trying to strengthen my body since I’m such an emotional wreck. At least I’m getting in shape even though emotionally I feel like total shit, right? I come to Communications Hill a lot to not only get a work out in but it’s just my place to come and cope with my feelings. Every time I’m done with my workout, I sit my ass on the bench or go stand by one of the balcony areas and just chill. I try to relax and ease my mind. It’s probably where I get a good reality check when I’m at that spot as my emotions just become so overwhelming for me. The waterworks come and I just want to get it all out of my system. I sometimes feel like I’m mourning something so tragic, when all it really is is that someone broke my heart. Whenever he comes to mind, I just feel so worthless about myself. I allowed him to come back every time just to crush me harder than the previous time. You’ve won.
Anyways, if I was back in Boston I would’ve already made a quick weekend trip to NY just to get away. I don’t have as much of an easy escape getaway to go to besides maybe LA or Vegas but I don’t care for those cities. I’ve already made some travel arrangements, even though it’s not exactly where I should even go but I don’t give a fuck. Not like he’ll notice. Hopefully I’ll have everything figured out and booked soon. I wish I had someone to join me but it’s probably best I go alone. It’ll be my first time really traveling by myself and not having any company at all. Usually I’ll either have at least one friend in the city I’m traveling to or I’m accompanied by 2-3 other people. It’ll be good for me. Plus, I miss packing my things and traveling especially to somewhere new. Maybe I’ll come back feeling better or worst. Who knows? Ironically I’m going closer to him yet I’m trying to cope. How contradicting, but whatever. Hope my plans goes well because I’m ready to pack my bags.