Merry Christmas everyone! Well this is my first year away from home during the holidays. It has been hard on me since I’m here all by myself. It’s even more of a bummer that I’m missing out on the holiday festivities back at home, but I’ll deal with it. I was a total emotional mess on Thanksgiving, but so far I’m holding up pretty well today. Although I can’t buy my friends any Christmas gifts, I sent my close friends Christmas cards. I personally selected each of their cards rather than buying a box set of cards. So that was quite pricey, but well worth it. It made me really happy when they contacted me that they had received their cards. Recently I received Christmas cards from close friends back at home. One card came all the way from Australia from one of my close friend’s that recently moved there. Reading each of their cards definitely tugged on my heart strings. I felt so blessed to have such amazing friends back at home that’s been extremely supportive and comforting. Yesterday the waterworks really came out after I checked my door step and saw that my close friend sent me TimTam’s after I had just mentioned about them the other day to her. I thought that was really sweet. I would’ve thought my friend in Australia would’ve sent them to me since I did make a request amongst many of our friends from back at home haha. I guess you can say I was so overwhelmed by my friends kindness since people here haven’t treated me so well. I do get extremely emotional when someone is nice to me just because I’ve gotten used to being treated like shit here by everyone in this shit hole state. I am generally a total sucker for simple and sentimental things like cards and letters. Those are the best gifts. C’mon I’m not a hard girl to please.
Anyways, my Christmas is consisting of being a total bum at home. Nothing new there. Cooked myself an semi-epic breakfast this morning.
Been watching some shows and movies. Nothing too exciting. Tonight, I plan on having a full out Christmas movie marathon consisting of:
– Home Alone 1 & 2 (classics!!)
– The Holiday (one of my fav movies!) 🙂
– Elf (maybe)
– Love, Actually (never seen it)
– The Santa Clause (maybe)
– The Nightmare Before Christmas (classic!!)
It was nice that I got to Skype with my parents last night on Christmas Eve. I felt guilty the entire day…well more like the closer Christmas was approaching the heavier the guilt weighed on me. Every year I help out at my parent’s business. It’s basically a routine that I’ve acquired over the past 10 years. I felt horrible to be here relaxing while they’re back at home busting their ass. I saw and heard how exhausted they were during our Skype conversation. That was a feeling I knew I’d dread so much moving out here. Home clearly isn’t as easily accessible unless if I moved to New York, which was one of my original plans. The first thing I did on Christmas Eve was to go to temple and just pray for my parents. I felt a bit of relief after going and when I spoke to them, I told them how I prayed for them. They were really happy that I did that for them. Little do they know I pray for them and everyone else back at home everyday.
It’s hard for me to “enjoy” this holiday with no company. You get accustomed to the silence and lack of company. Holiday or not, I’d still be at home by myself with no one here in Cali. I was invited over to my flakey friend’s for homemade pho yesterday, but I politely declined. They asked me twice to go over and I just said no thanks. The invite was a kind gesture, but I honestly don’t want to be around another person’s family seeing them enjoy this holiday, making memories, opening gifts, and etc. It really hurts me so much that I can’t even do that with my family. So I’d rather not be there and pretend that I’m having a good time.
I remember how last year in December, I got to go see the Nutcracker live for the first time. Attended friend’s holiday get togethers and potlucks. I miss all those things that I used to be able to do back at home. It does make me upset that I have no one to enjoy doing those things with here. Today is suppose to be a happy day and I won’t take that from my close friends or anyone back at home to let them know how sad I am. I’m just glad everyone back at home is happy and safe back at home. That’s all that matters to me. They’re all the perfect gift to me.