Modest Mouse – Float On
It’s definitely been quite a year for me. I honestly feel like I finally got to live my life the way I want to live it. Back at home in Boston I was independent and did things on my own terms, but I had a ton of responsibilities when it came to my parents. I always felt guilty to move because of them, but I’m glad I pushed that aside. Although I spent most of the year being unemployed (which isn’t anything that I’m too proud of), I managed to make the time to plan my move and to travel. Before when I used to work, I barely made the time to travel. The only traveling I did was to NY and that wasn’t too hard to get to. I decided I needed to see more on the east coast and visit some places that I haven’t been to in awhile before I move. I had the chance to revisit Philly and reconnect with an ex-boyfriend who’s still a friend of mines today. I got to indulge in the bomb food and enjoy the architecture of Chicago. It was even better that I got to go to Chicago twice this year since it was one of my stops during my move. Never would I have ever guessed I’d just pack up my things, get in my car and drive across the country. My move didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but it was definitely a great experience.
One of the things I won’t ever forget is when I was helping out at my parent’s business. I managed their business that day and it was practically just me all over the place taking care of things. I remember how physically exhausted I was and how I almost broke down crying because I worked that hard. Some customers were bitchy, but some understood and saw how I was doing the best I can. This one girl who I was chatting with was really nice to me. She came in with her boyfriend after things had quieted down. I was telling them how they missed the chaos and came right in time now that things had finally quieted down. We talked about random stuff and then somehow we got on the topic of me moving or something. That part is still fuzzy to me. But I remember speaking passionately about the purpose of me moving to Cali and what my career is. Never did we once tell each other our names. She just watched me clean tables and carry a huge tray full of dishes to the kitchen. Like this huge pile was hurting my arms and my back. My feet were aching. I was just so exhausted and it was pretty obvious that I was gonna pass out any minute lol. After she paid I came by the table and asked if they needed anything else, and they were gracious and said no and just smiled and handed me the bill. I said thanks and went about my duties…until I looked at how much she tipped me. Man I felt so bad but I was very grateful. It really didn’t matter how much she gave me, but for her to understand why I was working that hard to get my move going. That memory will always stick with me.
I felt like this year I really saw who my friends were and I must say the quality is definitely better than the quantity. My social circle has decreased and that’s fine. I’m very happy to have amazing, supportive friends that’s dealt with my shit especially with me here in Cali being upset. I try to hold onto those friendships the most since I definitely lack a social life here. It makes me happy to talk to any of my close friends from back at home when they get the chance to out of their busy schedule. I’ll never forget how each of my different groups of friends came together for my going away party at the usual bar we tend to go to. I’m glad they got to meet each other and have a good time with me before I left. But even for those that didn’t go was fine with me. Enjoying dinner and drinks with some of them was just a great. I definitely miss dining out after work or grabbing a beer with a friend and just hanging out.
I definitely went through an extremely emotional roller coaster this year due to a couple of personal reasons. I was a total wreck and it’s worst having my own friends from home witnessing my meltdowns and hearing me cry. There’s many things I need to conquer and to get myself to a much more stable place. I wish I had that pen in “Men In Black” where it just flashes and you forget everything. But that would make the solutions to my problems way too easy. I just need more time to heal.
As for my “plans” for NYE, I don’t have any at the moment. I wrapped up my last day at my job today which was bittersweet. For once I didn’t cry about leaving a job lol. I tried my best not to get attached although I enjoyed the work and my coworkers a lot, but it was only a short term position and it’s what I signed myself up for. Right now I’m just sitting in bed with my robe on after I showered and now waiting on laundry to be done. I picked up some beer and wine, and damn I wish I went this morning to buy liquor. Fricken chaos at the grocery store right now. I might hang out with my friend P that I was with on Christmas, but I’m not really in the mood to drive anywhere where there’s tons of people are out drinking nor do I really wanna be in that loud party scene. Yet a part of me is telling me to suck it up and just go lol. We’ll see. I kinda wanna just stay home and have a quiet night with a glass of wine and a movie on deck.
Do I have any new year’s resolutions? YUP. I wrote them down on a sticky note in my new small Moleskine notebook. Some of the things I have on there is to take better care of my health, educate myself more on certain things in design, try dragon boat since I haven’t had the chance yet, etc. My favorite one on my list is to write down something good everyday and put it in a jar, so at the end of 2014 I can reflect on all the good things that happened whether it was I had a good time going out, just being grateful of something, or even if I have a bad day I have to write something good. I definitely want to make more use of my DSLR and maybe try to get myself to learn more on video editing. I know one of my first assignments for the new year is to do a lot of web design stuff and mobile app design. I’m excited.
Anyways, hope everyone has a happy and safe new year! Maybe less bitching in my posts for the new year haha. 🙂