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Monthly Archives: October 2013

I’m too exhausted to write a full entry so here’s a quick break down for what’s been on my mind:

– Extremely burnt out from the new job. Still new to the job, but my family and friends see how exhausted I am when we Skype. Tonight will be the first time where I can go to sleep early. Rewarded myself with a glass of wine when I got home from the cafe. That was definitely much needed.

– Need to get back into running again. I hate that I haven’t been as active and I need to chill out with the caffeine intake!

– This damn job is throwing off quite a few of my daily routines. Need to prioritize better!

– Today was the first time I didn’t go to temple. I generally go everyday. Oddly I felt guilty for not going.

– I had my parent’s help me translate my fortune that I had received from temple the other day. Possible full blog entry about that next time. My mind is still fixated on my fortune though.

– It’s refreshing to get compliments and to be acknowledged. It’s a nice change. Quite smitten.

– Yay the Red Sox won the World Series!! Moments like this makes me homesick. Really wish I was back at home to celebrate this moment.

Well that is it for now. Good night everyone!

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It’s been about a week since I’ve started my new job and let me tell you, it’s kicking my ass real hard. I’m consuming a ton of caffeine and generally I’m not much of a coffee drinker, but it’s practically my life saver. My work load is piling up and the stress is building up as well. I am beyond overwhelmed. I try my best to give myself much needed breaks and to stay calm. I’ve worked like this in the past but it has been awhile due to my unemployment. I’m back to running on very little sleep. I feel like half of my mind is asleep while the other side is thinking about my projects I need to get done. This is exactly how I felt with my last job, but it didn’t bother me. I just need to get use to the swing of things. I was pretty close to freaking out a bit and tried to hit up people to grab a quick drink, but pretty hard once again since I hardly have friends here. Times like this I wish I was back at home because there’s always someone down to grab a quick drink during times like these.

I’ve realized how insane my boss is. Sweet woman, but man it’s 9:30 PM on a Monday night and you’re now calling me for a conference call. I’ve never had a boss like her before that’s gonna call me this late. I guess she needs to do whatever it takes to get the job done. I’m back to dealing with ridiculously insane deadlines and lots of projects.

Not saying I hate my job, but just need to quickly vent. I love my job and this is what I have to deal with. I’ve said to friends that I’m already turning into a zombie due to the lack of sleep. I’ve been running on 2-3 hours of sleep and consuming 6-8 cups of coffee everyday. I need to definitely manage all this better.

WOOSAH!!!!!!!!

Things are finally starting to look up. I finally feel like I see light at the end of the tunnel. Today I signed a contract to my new job. Finally I’m no longer a bum with no income! Haha … When I had applied to the position I just kinda winged it like I did with a few other applications. The company I’m working for is based in LA and it’s an off site position, which is great. First of all because I would never, ever, ever, EVER move to LA. People there suck even more and it’s never sparked an interest for me EVER. Secondly, I’m saving more money on gas since I don’t have to drive to work as well as lunch money. Only downside to this job is that I’m not in an office environment where I can socialize with my coworkers. Well only a little bit which is through Skype and phone calls, but still that’s not the same as physical interactions. So I’ll still be at home or at a cafe in front of my laptop per usual.
For whatever reason, I’m not so gung ho about this position. I should be extremely excited, but I’m not. I think it’s probably the lack of organization and poor communication that’s turning me off from this position. Oh well. My first day is tomorrow and I’m looking forward to the type of projects I’ll be working on. Honestly, I’m really nervous and I feel like my skills and knowledge are a bit rusty and aren’t as up to par. Being unemployed for practically a year screws with the confidence you once had. I’m trying to be a bit more enthusiastic about it all. Maybe once the work flow gets going I’ll feel better about things.
 
My close friend was saying to me that for me going to temple everyday and praying has definitely helped. I definitely agree with her. It’s lifted my spirits and I see myself at least smiling again. I do pray everyday for for my family, friends, PC and myself. It makes me happy to know that things are gradually getting better for the ones I love and care for. Although things aren’t 100% great (yet, haha), I’ve truly been blessed.
 
Today was a good day. Back onto the daily grind tomorrow! 🙂

Prior to my move, I installed Skype onto my dad’s computer. My parent’s aren’t the most tech savvy people. They’re very old school and are still getting used to video chats. We exchange phone calls on a daily basis and at least multiple times a day at that. Since they’re business owners and come home relatively late from work, they’re usually exhausted and ready to knock out on me whenever I want to Skype with them. I usually try to Skype with them shortly after they get home and settled in. Also I try to be as accommodating with the 3 hour time difference. Unfortunately our Skype dates don’t usually last too long because they end up falling asleep on me lol. It’s funny yet cute at the same time. I understand they’re too tired to hold a conversation with me, but to be able to see them for a couple of minutes is definitely worth while. As difficult as things has been for me, our last Skype session on Sunday night was the best one yet. It was a very difficult week for me and to end the week with seeing my parents definitely made it better.

My dad and I usually joke around a lot with each other and act really weird towards each other. It’s an odd father-daughter relationship haha. He’s generally a pretty goofy guy and he succeeded per usual with making me laugh. I haven’t laughed so hard like that in awhile. It was one of those laughs where you might get teary and you’re stomach aches so much from all the heavy laughter. If you’re wondering what we were even laughing like hyenas about, I had randomly asked him if he would ever grow a mustache. He told me how he attempted to grow one after I moved but my mom disapproved and made him shave it LOL. Total fail. So he was acting a fool and took his headphones and pretended he had a mustache and doing weird kung fu gestures lol. I took a screen shot of it and we continued laughing as I showed him the picture I took. He then asked what was on my wrist, which was my Fitbit Flex. I took it off and acted foolish with him. It’s even funnier that my mom gives us this look like “wow you’re an idiot” lol. Sometimes she participates which is awesome, but it’s that disapproved look that she gives us that I think is hilarious. Call us weird, but we’re well aware of it lol. I definitely went to bed with a smile on my face that Sunday night. He helped me forget how much of an emotional wreck I was and the horrible mental state I was in. In so many ways I felt like he was my super hero coming to my rescue. Although he didn’t have any clue of the shit I was going through, it’s like he still knows I needed that pick me up.

I’ve been blessed with such amazing parents, especially a great father who I can call my best friend.

It’s been about 3 months now that I’ve been here in California. As for my social life here, it hasn’t really been a great experience. To be honest I’ve met a handful of really shitty people here. I’ve grown much more of a distaste for Californians unfortunately. I’ve tried to stay as openminded about making new friends here. I’ve given people here the benefit of the doubt and I do put myself out there. Most people here haven’t reciprocated so well with me. It’s already been a difficult adjustment here for me and the people here hasn’t helped at all. My homesickness has gotten worst and everyday is a struggle (not just in a social aspect either). I tell you now that with the bullshit I deal with from the people here, they’d definitely get their ass handed to them if they came to the east coast. I’m not all for getting physical and violent, but seriously I just wanna throw shit at these people sometimes and give them a good ass kicking that they deserve. Just because I’m not from here doesn’t mean you can try to punk my ass. My close friends has heard me bitch about the people here. I feel bad that they have to hear me complain but shit, if they know the kinda fuckers I was dealing with here they’d get a better picture.

I’ve been asked what my opinions are of the people here and I’m gonna keep it real. They’re immature, cliquey, fake, rude, stuck up, ignorant, stupid, sensitive, sheltered, dishonest, and etc. The list can go on and on but I’m sure you get the gist of what I mean. I feel like people here have their head stuck up their ass and needs a reality check and to get the fuck out of La-La Land. People here have been nothing but rude to me and I’ve had enough of their shit. I’ve pretty much given up on making any friends here. People just suck here. I wish people weren’t scared of being blunt with each other like how people back in the east coast are. I’m not gonna fake it and beat around the bush that I don’t like your ass with a smile on my face, but then again I’m not gonna go out of my way to let it be known that I don’t like you.

Even though I’ve met A LOT of shitty people here, I feel like the only people that have been sincere and kind to me are the strangers here. On a daily basis I go to a café to either read or continue job searching. Just a way to get out of the house and to get some fresh air, ya know? I’ve developed a friendship with one of the baristas here, whom I just found out is still a relatively new employee here. He’s always been really nice to me and makes small talk with me. There was one time I came here and he just came outside and gave me a cookie while I was job searching away. I thought it was really nice. Lately now I’ve been getting free coffee since I’m practically a regular here. Today he hooked me up with a free coffee and macaroons. It’s not much but it’s those little things that can really impact someone’s day. I’ve brought it up to him a previous time that I feel bad because I don’t want him to get in trouble and that I owe him a drink or something. He just told me don’t worry about it. He’s still a mere stranger to me that doesn’t know a thing about me besides my name and that I always order an iced vanilla latte. I am no one to him for him to go out of his way for, but still he’s very kind to me. There aren’t that many genuinely nice people out there anymore, but it’s good to know that a few do still exist. It’s a very refreshing and comforting gesture on his end after the bullshit I’ve been dealing with lately.

People tend to forget it’s those little things that truly matters the most. I feel like the term “paying it forward” has been out of touch with A LOT of people here. People here only give a fuck about themselves and it’s about time they get over themselves. I really wish there were more sincere people like that out here in Cali, but nope. It’s gonna take a lot for me to change my overall opinions of Californians. I’m a stubborn woman and I am very prideful of my hometown. For now there’s a good amount of people on my shit list that won’t ever get off of that list EVER and I’m just focusing on my one main goal here: my career.

Note: This post was from June 26, 2012. I was browsing through my old Xanga posts and just wanted to repost this on here. Just a quick disclaimer. Anyways, read on…

I think one of the saddest moments in life that we encounter is when you become a total stranger to someone. It can be due to differences in a friendship, a breakup with a significant other, or even when you’re just simply no longer acknowledged by this person—friend or foe.

We start off as strangers and once we come across each other’s paths we take the time to get acquainted with each other. Then eventually we put in the time to develop a bond, some sort of connection with someone. We either share common interests or can relate to his/her life experiences. Then follows by a level of comfort that is created for one another. You can either be fairly comfortable around this person and still censor yourself a little bit or not give a damn and act freely around him/her. From here this connection either grows stronger or it weakens. We fear that it’ll weaken and that people will drift a part because of the comfort zone we create for each other. All it takes is one simple thing that can have a huge impact on your relationship with this person.

We become hopeless, sad, confused, angry, etc as to why things fell a part and what could’ve prevented all of this from happening. You try to put the puzzle pieces together and it just still doesn’t make any sense even if the pieces do fit correctly. It’s worst when you’re left with no reason or explanation and just simply left behind with nothing but silence. Then there you go. Back at one. Being nothing but total strangers to each other again…You can’t but help to try to cherish each second with this person only to realize they’re gone the next second. You’re taken out of this routine you have with this person and become hopeless as how to carry on and how to adjust without this person in your life. There was more than just that person’s presence. It was the bond you guys developed and shared simultaneously.

To go from friends/lovers to complete total strangers is just a sad thing. But hey it happens and it’s not like it’s uncommon. It happens daily. I’m one to try to maintain great relationships with the people in my life. Not particularly with every single person I know but just the ones that matter. I’ve been thinking about this idea from time to time. Some of the things we do need to accept is the changes and to move forward with yourself. That’s all that can really be done. It’s normal to reminisce from time to time, but eventually you have to let go.

Thought of this video when I wrote about this post. I saw this awhile back and I’m sure a few or a lot of you have seen it too, but it pretty much has the same message I’m writing here too.

Just a thought…

Calvin Harris feat. ExampleWe’ll Be Coming Back

We took it all apart but I’m wishing I’d stayed
In the back room something I heard you say
We didn’t wanna call it too early
Now it seems a world away but I miss that day
Are we ever gonna feel the same?

[Chorus:]
Standing in the light till it’s over, out of our minds
Someone had to draw a line
We’ll be coming back for you one day
We’ll be coming back for you one day
I don’t even care if I know you, out of our minds
Sad to leave it all behind
We’ll be coming back
We’ll be coming back for you one day

[Beat break]

You can see it from afar, we were riding that wave
Blinded by the lights, and it’s something I crave
We didn’t want to call it too early
Now it seems a world away but I miss that day
Are we ever gonna feel the same?

[Chorus:]
Standing in the light till it’s over, out of our minds
Someone had to draw a line
We’ll be coming back for you one day
We’ll be coming back for you one day
I don’t even care if I know you, out of our minds
Sad to leave it all behind
We’ll be coming back for you one day
We’ll be coming back for you one day

Gonna rise, gonna fall, getting pulled apart
And we all do it all cause it stole our hearts
Gonna light up the skies, so ignore the stars
And we all do it all cause it stole our hearts

[Beat break]

[Chrous:]
Standing in the light till it’s over, out of our minds
Someone had to draw a line
We’ll be coming back for you one day
We’ll be coming back for you one day
I don’t even care if I know you, out of our minds
Sad to leave it all behind
We’ll be coming back for you one day
We’ll be coming back for you one day