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Monthly Archives: September 2013

Total nerd status. Don’t judge me!! Like my wallpaper? Lol. This is how I usually spend my day: transferring files from my old Macbook Pro to new MBP or working on new projects

One of the many things I try to do to keep myself occupied is to attend any kind of design event, whether it’s a speaking engagement or a networking event. Anything to get the juices flowing, ya know? Two weeks ago I attended a GFDA event at UC Berkeley. I was pretty pumped to go since they were coming to Berkeley and San Francisco. I opted for the Berkeley location because it was free and wanted to check out that area since I’ve never been. I’ve always wanted to attend their lectures and luckily they were doing a U.S tour.

I came across their website about 3 years ago while just Google-ing “design inspiration” or something along those lines. I thought what they had was hilarious, yet pretty helpful. It’s funny that they’ve now implemented a “family friendly” version on their website lol. Sometimes we all need a good kick in the ass and the advice they had posted on there was helpful. They’ve developed a lot of advice over a period of time as their company grew. The advice can apply to everyone besides designers. I think what they’ve created was very inspiring and motivating.

They made 3 very important focal points at the end of the lecture, which was:

– Risk everything.

– Expect nothing.

– Prepare for anything.

I felt like I touched all those points. I took the risk in moving to California, with no job lined up. Pretty much said fuck it, packed my things, and left. I had no expectations for what was to happen for when I arrived. Now, I’m prepared to adapt to a lot of changes (skill wise that is) in my career. Not everyone necessarily has to do what I did, but sometimes you just gotta man up and make some bold moves in life. Not only did I leave the event with some small nifty goodies (GFDA friendship bracelet that says “GOOD FUCKING FRIENDS”, postcard, and a GFDA sticker which they ran out of 😦 ), but it definitely reassured myself as a designer and as a person in what goals I have in life. It was comforting to be surrounded by designers that were on the same boat as me and that can relate to my struggles in this field.

I have a lot of work on my plate and it’s time to get shit moving…fast. I’m in this process of rebranding everything about myself as a designer. It’s gonna be a total bitch to get a lot of this work started and to keep the flow going, but I’m excited.

Check out their website: http://www.goodfuckingdesignadvice.com/

Like I’ve mentioned in recent entries, I’ve been more sensitive and emotional than usual throughout my time here adjusting in California. During the past two weeks, it’s been a bit rough for me and I am thankful I have good friends to fall back on. Although I’ve seen a change in those that I felt like I could count on. It’s just plain shadiness and I don’t need that. No one is forcing you to be there, but fuck …I would never shut you out if you needed me. That’s the person I am. I could never put someone out in the dark like that if you needed me. I’m having doubts and questioning a lot of things. I’m already pretty cautious when it comes to people, but that wall of trust that was once there for a selected few has been slowly deteriorating.

I just don’t need this bullshit right now. I’m already going through a lot: mentally, physically, and emotionally. You’re either gonna stick with me or just walk the fuck away from me already. Wish there were more honest and blunt people out there like myself. I’m tired of this… Fucking cowards.

Jayesslee/JSOfficially Missing You (Studio version/Tamia cover)

[Verse One]
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It won’t go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]

It’s official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

Rufus WainwrightAcross the Universe

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai Guru Deva, Om
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
And call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They stumble blindly as they make their way across the universe

Jai Guru Deva, Om
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open mind, inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai Guru Deva, Om
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world

Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world

Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva

_____________________________________________________

My world’s been changed.

I’m at such a fork in the road in my life right now. The job search continues to be a struggle as the job market is quite sluggish at the moment. I lay in bed every night with so many scattered thoughts in my mind. It’s a very uneasy feeling for me and my body has gotten used to this tense feeling, mentally and physically, that it’s gotten harder for me to destress and relax. It’s taken a larger toll on my health, which elevates the stress even more. I’m constantly trying to figure things out. Trying to strategize and devise a new plan as for what step to take next. I’m overwhelmed, scared, and disappointed. I know I have to be patient and keep things moving forward, but at the same time I’m considering my other options here in the west coast.

People have asked me on a number of occasions if I’ve given myself a deadline due to my current situation. The answer has been no. Although I have thought that a 6 month deadline for myself seems appropriate. I’ve come to a realization maybe I’ve made a wrong move. Maybe I’m in the wrong area. I’ve thought it over and as much as I don’t want to, I’ve considered moving again. Back to the east coast? No. I’m considering a few places that will remained unnamed for now, but we’ll see. I can’t rush into any conclusions. There’s already so many things running through my mind. I need to think things through and be cautious of my next move.

The love and support I get from family and friends from back at home on a daily basis has been very endearing. Yet from a distance it can only provide a certain amount of comfort momentarily. I see myself slowly shutting down on people. I’m tired of reassuring those back in the east coast or even my one friend here that I’m okay. Truth is I’m really not. I see that I’m losing a piece of myself everyday and I’m trying to hold onto it all before I lose myself entirely. I need to relax and tell myself to be patient. I’m much more irritable now and the positivity is gradually going down the drain. I’m very hard on myself and it’s just how I am. I go to bed every night feeling like a big disappointment to not only myself, but to my parents and friends back at home.

I hate having to discuss with anyone of how my job search is going. It puts me in a horrible mood and to be unemployed for almost a year has really mind fucked me so bad. I’ve been doing whatever I can to discipline myself again and really get shit cranking. I attend design events where I can network with other designers in the area as well as to gain some motivation and inspiration. I’m sad because I feel like a tiny bit of me is losing the passion I once had. I know it’s still there but not as strongly as before. I’m doing my best to stay driven and determined. That’s my worst fear …to lose that passion. I can’t allow that to happen.

Like I’ve mentioned to friends and others before, I feel like I am one of the very few people that can say that they truly and genuinely love their job. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love every project that I’ve had an opportunity to work on, big or small. I take pride in my work and it’s the most rewarding “pay check” to me. An actual pay check or any kind of salary is just a bonus to me. That’s the mentality I’ve always had when it came to design. I don’t question my career at all. I know this is what I want to do and I’m just here fighting for what I want. I’ve gone through struggles in my career at the beginning and I’m reliving it all over again due to the fact that I had relocated.

I need to come to terms that change is what I wanted, so change is what I got. This is a part of the whole relocation process. I’ve sacrificed a lot and given up everything back at home to be here. Not many people will understand that feeling. I try my best to see this experience as a fresh start in my personal life and for my career. I’m a stubborn woman and I need to accept this change. As you can tell, change isn’t something so easy for myself to accept.

Anyways, enough of the ranting. I had to get it off of my chest. Time to haul ass and grind out new projects. I will succeed and go visit the east coast when I’ve accomplished my goal. For now, travels to the east coast or anywhere in general will be held off. Can’t reward myself if I haven’t achieved anything…yet.

Growing up in New England, it gets easy to adapt to the unpredictable, bi-polar weather. It becomes pointless to even check what the meteorologist’s forecast will be. Most would bitch and moan for a much more consistent weather pattern like how it is here in California. I’ve been here for nearly 2 months and it has been sunny here every single day. No rain, no cloudiness, nothing. Probably a change in temperature but it’s no biggie. I was already a bit bummed that the Fall and Winter was obviously not gonna be the same.

This morning when I woke up I noticed it was raining and later on it was pouring outside. I was actually really happy that it rained. I never understand as to why people found the rain to be calming and relaxing, but now I do. Since I’m currently sick, I continued to lay in bed, light some candles and just enjoy the sound of the rain tapping against my window. I enjoyed every second of it and I felt like my nerves were calmer and I wasn’t as tense.

Due to a few personal issues and recent news on my health, I haven’t been in the best of spirits. Yet with a simple rainy day like today it provided the same level of comfortness that was comparable to when I call/Skype/Facetime with my family and friends back at home when I feel homesick, which is often. For once throughout this entire time I’ve been here in Cali it feels good to say that today was a good day. Even though I didn’t even see anyone at all today and I hardly spoke to anyone either, I just felt like I had a piece of home with me. I felt like I had everyone back at home here with me and it made me feel so much better and at ease about the things I’ve been stressing about.

Today was definitely a good day. 🙂

Pia Mia PerezHold On, We’re Going Home (cover)

I got my eyes on you, you’re everything that I see
I want your hot love and emotion endlessly
I got my eyes on you, you’re everything that I see
I want your hot love and emotion endlessly
I can’t get over you, you left your mark on me
I want your high love and emotion
Cause you’re a good girl and you know it, good girl and you know it
You act so different around me, so different around me
Cause you’re a good girl and you know it, good girl and you know it
You act so different around me, so different

Just hold on we’re going hoooome
Just hold on we’re going hooome
It’s hard to do these things aloooone
Just hold on we’re going home

I got my eyes on you
You’re everything that I see
I want your hot love and emotion
Endlessly, I can’t get over you
You left your mark on me
I want your hot love and emotion

Cause you’re a good girl and you know it (you know), good girl and you know it (you know)
You act so different around me (so different), so different around me so different
Cause you’re a good girl and you know it (you know), good girl and you know it (you know)
You act so different around me (so different), so different

Just hold on we’re going hoooome
Just hold on we’re going hooome
It’s hard to do these things aloooone
Just hold on we’re going home