Last night my dad and I were talking. Our usual late nights where we tell each other stupid jokes, but there’s never been a serious conversation. Being his only daughter and the youngest, he got really upset. He was really upset about me moving. I saw the tears build up in his eyes and it just killed me to see him like that. I’ve only seen him cry twice and that was during my great grandmother (his grandma) and my grandfather’s (his dad) funeral, which happened back when I was a lot younger. Anyways, there’s just a huge amount of guilt that really weighs heavy on me. He feels like no one is there to take care of him like how he took care of me and that our family has gone it’s separate ways. He was right, but hey it was bound to happen. I tried to comfort him and to reassure him everything is okay. I explained to him my reasons to move and to not take it personal. No matter what I said he just sat there with tears running down his face. Man, that really hit me so hard. I was already crying when it came to my own friends, and I had dreaded this moment with my parents especially with my dad. I knew it was gonna happen. I don’t want to disappoint him for when I do get settled into my new home. I have a lot to prove for when I do get out there not just for myself, but for my parents especially my dad. Our conversation ended on a much more happier ending, whereas I returned to my room and let out the tears I held back. I felt horrible last night. It was even harder to fall asleep knowing how he felt. A part of me is feeling so torn and beating myself up about this.
Like I said already, I have a lot to prove for when I get there.