Heart To Heart

Last night my dad and I were talking. Our usual late nights where we tell each other stupid jokes, but there’s never been a serious conversation. Being his only daughter and the youngest, he got really upset. He was really upset about me moving. I saw the tears build up in his eyes and it just killed me to see him like that. I’ve only seen him cry twice and that was during my great grandmother (his grandma) and my grandfather’s (his dad) funeral, which happened back when I was a lot younger. Anyways, there’s just a huge amount of guilt that really weighs heavy on me. He feels like no one is there to take care of him like how he took care of me and that our family has gone it’s separate ways. He was right, but hey it was bound to happen. I tried to comfort him and to reassure him everything is okay. I explained to him my reasons to move and to not take it personal. No matter what I said he just sat there with tears running down his face. Man, that really hit me so hard. I was already crying when it came to my own friends, and I had dreaded this moment with my parents especially with my dad. I knew it was gonna happen. I don’t want to disappoint him for when I do get settled into my new home. I have a lot to prove for when I do get out there not just for myself, but for my parents especially my dad. Our conversation ended on a much more happier ending, whereas I returned to my room and let out the tears I held back. I felt horrible last night. It was even harder to fall asleep knowing how he felt. A part of me is feeling so torn and beating myself up about this.

Like I said already, I have a lot to prove for when I get there.

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2 comments
  1. vnlilman said:

    What was your reason for moving if you don’t mind me asking?
    I dream about moving to a different place. A place that would actually bring me income. Instead I live down the street from the house I grew up in to stay close to my mom. My older brother moved out and my father is no longer here. She’s addicted to gambling but also found her love of gardening. She doesn’t have a yard at her place so every morning she’ll come over to mine to work on my yard. Although i’m struggling financially because of this place, it makes her happy so I try and convince myself, I made the right decision. But still… life would be so much grander elsewhere.

    • conyeeezy said:

      Sorry about your father, but that’s great that you’re there for your mom. It is tough to want to leave yet stay at the same time. I was very torn for a long time but then again relocating is something I wanted for a long time as well especially for my career. Somewhere down the line I put aside the guilt to stay back for my family and really told myself I need to start living my life. Maybe one day you’ll move too. I never planned a date as to when to leave. It really depends on the timing in your life and this was perfect timing for me.

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